Thursday, May 15, 2008

Just when I was finally getting over that cough...

...I've been infected with a new virus: iSplotchy Storyformia. Thanks a lot, FranYouAre, for that sip of bourbon from your shot glass. Who knew I'd come away with more than just a burning sensation in my throat?

Splotchy's ominous beginning:
"I had been shuffling around the house for a few hours and already felt tired. The doorbell rang. I opened the front door and saw a figure striding away from the house, quickly and purposefully. I looked down and saw a bulky envelope. I picked it up. The handwriting was smudged and cramped, and I could only make out a few words."(Splotchy)

FranSheIs continues, heightening the tension:
Despite the throbbing pain in my knees and the dull ache in my lower back, I bent down slowly and picked up the envelope...

Oh no. It did not say this, did it?

Oh yes, it did. It did.

The handwriting was familiar in a way that inspired a cold sweat and a bout of nausea. It was the penmanship of my former husband. You know - the one that was presumed dead.

He disappeared in a suspicious blogging related accident a number of years ago and was never heard from again. I was devastated. I had hated the blog, loathed the thing. What began as a hobby that took but a few minutes a day had morphed into an addiction, the proportions of which could not be measured. It was pure evil.

The blog turned into a cruel and demanding mistress and her siren song was more than I could compete with. One day he left for an evening event, never to return again.

All fingers pointed to one blogger, but I could never get the charges to stick. That one is slick- slick, slick, slick. He can talk a good game and write like nobody's business. But there is something about him, it just is not right.

So my husband was gone, that other one kept blogging and I had to rebuild my life, which I did.

So I finally had the bastard declared dead. And now this. (FranIam)

My contribution:
I took the envelope inside and got out a magnifying glass. I studied the scribblings on the front and made out the words “This is for you. You KNOW why” just above the undead bastard’s name. What the hell?

What could it be? What did he mean, I “KNOW” why? What did I do? I had never been anything but faithful to him and his "interests." I followed his stupid blog as it meandered through the vapid expanses of his small mind, trying my best to be polite when he talked about some comment he’d gotten on a particular post, or a funny link he’d dropped into a post.

Just thinking about it made my stomach hurt.

Despite a fleeting fear that there might be anthrax powder in the envelope, I opened it and pulled out the contents. (dguzman)

- - - - - - - -
And so, dear readers--who will continue? I'm going to cough on the following people and spread the virus:
Jess Wundrun
Matty Boy
Better get out the Nyquil, folks--this one's gonna be rough.


Randal Graves said...

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you all are quite angry.

Splotchy said...

Thanks for being infected!

And wow, iSplotchy Storyformia, that's one nifty name. Now I don't feel so bad about being stricken with it.

dguzman said...

Randal--and you're not?

Splotch--makes it sound so much more infectious, no?

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, well I'll have to see if the bug bites me after I have a glass of wine later this evening. There's a high bar, after all.

Fran said...

Damn- you are good!!!

Matthew Hubbard said...

Thanks for the tag, dg, but I have a hard enough time finishing sentences I start. If I start finishing stories others start, I might pull something.

Claire said...

Nice work, missy! I too have been infected, so I need to do this soon.

Anonymous said...

Instead of frittering away your online time, D-Goose, my comments box has several gaping holes in it, awaiting your replies.
You betta work it, girl.

Jess Wundrun said...

I have done your bidding.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

That is getting to be one infected story. Well done, you.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Wait, do I have to turn my head to the side when I type mine?

In_Flight said...

awwww, bubalah. Chicken soup for you :)

dguzman said...


Fran--you set it up so well!

Matty Boy--I understand.

CDP--get on it, woman!

KZip--I know! It was like you put up 18 posts in ten minutes! I was out sick on Friday, but I'm THERE this afternoon.

Jess--cool! Can't wait to see where you took it.


GKL--tee hee!