OMG--imagine if we could pull this off!

Whiling away the last few minutes of my workday just now, I swung by Princess Sparkle Pony's site and found this post about the upcoming Oliver Stone Chimpy-biopic.

Hilarious comments were already in play, including one by the brilliant KarenZipDrive:

Holy cow!
Stone's movie looks like it might become the next "Mommie Dearest."
You gotta wonder how this project was snagged away from John Waters.
As for Thandie Rice, a little lip collagen would have helped a lot.
Regardless, I plan to be first in line to see it- and yes, I plan to talk back to the screen like a mofo.

I dropped a comment about the movie possibly achieving Rocky Horror status and wished that we could all--everyone on my 'groll, everyone out there in Reality land, all us blue people with brains in our heads and irreverent cussing laughter in our hearts--you know who you are!--what if we could ALL go to a showing of the movie together!?

Can you imagine!? Dr. Monkey would start screeching and throwing poo before the opening credits even began, and it would be downhill from there! The only reason we wouldn't all be arrested is that Fran would talk the cops into cutting us some slack for God's sake!

Oh dear, look at these screen captures from the trailer:
I don't want to imagine W dressed this way, dancing this way--with anyone or anything.

Crazy Eyes can only dream she could look this good--or this alert.

Ted Stevens BUSTED!

Well, what do you know--I found something political to blog about, just as I hit the publish button on the gardening post:

With a big h/t to Truthout:

Senator Stevens Indicted in Corruption Inquiry
Washington - Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, the longest-serving Republican senator in United States history and a figure of great influence in Washington as well as in his home state, has been indicted on federal corruption charges.

Senator OldIRS-CheatingManFromAlaska, looking grim.

Mr. Stevens, 84, was indicted on seven counts of falsely reporting income. The charges are related to renovations on his home and to gifts he has received. They arise from an investigation that has been under way for more than a year, in connection with the senator's relationship with a businessman who oversaw the home-remodeling project.

The indictment will surely reverberate through the November elections. Mr. Stevens, who has been in the Senate for 40 years, is up for re-election this year. Mark Begich, a popular Democratic mayor of Anchorage, hopes to supplant him.

Hardy-har-har! I was wondering just yesterday if anything was going to come of this long-pending investigation; I was reading someplace that Stevens is one of the big-name repugs who will be skipping the Republican National Convention. Looks like he will be skipping it, indeed! Why can't we see some sort of COPS-like bust of this asshole, complete with shirtless Ted getting tackled to the ground by a bunch of overzealous coppers? Let's imagine that scene for a while, shall we?

I love the smell of repug indictments in the afternoon!

A change of pace

I'm still pretty freaked out by Scott McClellan's revelation last Friday that Fox "News" was taking talking points directly from the White House and passing them off as "news." I know, I know--why should I be surprised? But I am--to think that Rupert Murdoch and his staff of talking heads (they're not reporters, not journalists--none of them) should have so much power, and serve so corrupt a master, is just mindboggling to me. It's basically a state-run media outlet, without the pesky Congressional oversight (such as it is).

Anyway--like I said, I'm pretty freaked out by politics lately, so I thought I'd give you a change of pace: an update on my vegetable garden. Disappointed? If you are, don't worry--I'll find something new to piss me off tomorrow and get back to the shit-tank we call American politics. Meanwhile, I haven't taken any pictures of my garden, so you'll just have to close your eyes and use your imaginations, boys and girls!

So--my garden! It's one of the things that gives me pleasure in this crazy world. Here's the veggie-by-veggie breakdown:

Black-seeded Simpson Green Leaf Lettuce and Arugula: These guys came and went early and quickly. We had good salad lettuce for about a month and a half; it's now bitter and too far gone. The arugula was always a little too strong, and even then it only took about two weeks to get too bitter to eat. Lesson learned on that one, a first-time veggie for me. My new theory: plant only a few seeds, harvest them very early when the leaves are small. Then when those are done, do another small batch, and so on. Does anyone know whether this will work? I'll probably do the same with lettuce, only in a bigger batch each time. We luvs our salad at the Marsh House. I pulled all the plants up and composted them, and I'm drying some of the arugula for seeds; maybe I'll try my theory when the seeds are ready!

Cilantro: Man, is there anything better than having cilantro on hand for salsas, quesadillas (I put sprigs of it right on the cheese before I melt it in my 'dilla maker), and guacamole than cilantro you grow yourself? Mine lasted a good month and a half before the plants started to flower and get the little narrow bitter leaves. I pulled everything up, composted most of it, and am drying the rest for seeds. All my plants this year were volunteers from last year, so I figure I can "force" some new volunteers and get more cilantro this season. It's not too late, I tell you!

Green Peppers: small peppers are forming on my small plants, which seems weird. I don't know how the little plants are going to find the strength to get the peppers much bigger than eggs, but we'll see.

Squash: just picked three young and delicious yellow crooknecks on Friday to take camping with us. Lots of flowers, lots of good stuff to come.

Brocolli: this is my first time ever to grow broc. I took three medium-sized heads to camp with us, and they were delicious--if a little strong and kinda cabbage-y on the aftertaste. Now flea beetles are eating the plants. Oh well.

Green beans 'Kentucky Wonder' pole variety: Vining, but no flowers yet. Come on!

Indian Rainbow sweet corn: Tasseling! Finally! I'm hoping to see some silks soon!

Tomatoes: I got 1 cherry tomato (delicious!) off the vine on Sunday, but I'm still waiting on the rest. I should have literally hundreds ready soon--living up to the 'Sweet 100' variety name. The 'Early Girl' and 'Celebrity' plants are loaded with medium-sized green fruits. Apparently, "early" is a relative term....

Eggplant: Kinda buried in the weeds, these guys got a slow start thanks to an attack by Colorado potato beetles. I would be surprised if these guys do anything. This is another first-timer for me, but I'm still disappointed. Does anyone have tips on growing these from seedlings?

Serrano peppers: These seedlings have grown maybe two inches since I planted them two months ago. WTF. I'm bummed; I wanted to make salsa with all my own ingredients (well, except onions)!

Fruit update!
Raspberries: we've been harvesting about twenty or thirty fruits every couple of days. Total yumminess. They seem to be bearing well and should last another couple of weeks, I hope.
Blackberries: La Bomba personified. They were all vine, no flower this year--despite the fact that it's year 2 for them. WTF?
Pears: Hard as rocks last time I checked, but I'm hopeful that we'll get to eat some of these in a week or two.

Poking fun at the old man

Ah, Friday afternoon -- the hardest time to stay put at work, instead of using up my meager vacation hours and leaving early!

However, a few things have made me smile this afternoon:

Looky here, boys and girls, it's Droopy Dog and McFossil, yucking it up! Let's turn on our MagicMicrophone™ and listen in on their conversation...

Droopy: "Hyuh, hyuh, hyuh! Ah'm just so tickled at the way that thar lib'ral media is a-treatin' yew! Why, yew could say just 'bout ennythin' and they'd get busier'n a cat coverin' up shee-it to make yew look good!"

McFossil: Uh, er, well, I don't--I uh, uh, I thought, uh...

Droopy: Why, yer so stupid yer mammy probly had to sew yer name into your clothes--on the front! Hyuh-hyuh-hyuh, Ah'm jest joshin' ya there, John!

McFossil: Ha ha, my friends.... Hey, what did you say?

Wow, that's some boring shit, kids. Let's move on. If you want to learn more about what is going on inside McFossil's head, you've got to read his diary! Zipdrive must have her own MagicMicrophone inside that pea-brain of his, stealin his thots!

Oh look, now he's got his cun- I mean his wife with him!

I realize the guy can't raise his arms higher than this, thanks to his POW days. But whenever I see him do this, I think of this:
only a lot less cool.

In a word...

"Allow me to suck your blood, pre-emptively killing you before you die!"

If you could describe the BushCo administration in one word, what would that word be?

May I suggest pre-emptive? First they gave us pre-emptive election results by not bothering to do recounts; then there were pre-emptive wars, pre-emptive homeland defense with crap shoots like the No-Fly lists, and now they're considering pre-emptive pardons of people who might have engaged in "counterterrorism" efforts. In other words, torturers of inmates at Guantanamo Bay or the goons who are listening in on our phone calls and reading our emails, among other things.

So many other words work too, like any synonym you can think of for words like these:

disaster
corruption
criminal
greedy

Oh my sweet clean lord, it's Scully!

Unbeknownst to me (as I have no TV and thus know nothing about what's going on out there in Entertainmentland), Chris Carter is making a new X-Files movie, starring my erstwhile wife and love Gillian Anderson, the "Dana Scully" half of the Mulder and Scully team of the series.

This is all pretty impressive when you figure that the series had its heydays during Bill Clinton's presidency, and the first movie Fight the Future came out ten freakin' years ago. Still, I guess Chris Carter knew that my passion and fervor for Scully would not be diminished by time, and thus we have a new movie: The X-Files: I Want to Believe.


Geeks like me were always in love with the coolness of Scully: her skepticism, her knowledge of medicine, and her scathing and hilarious disbelieving looks whenever Mulder would go off on one of his crazy theories. Beneath the cool exterior, however, one could detect a warmth and a fierceness of purpose that made her the smoldering center of the show.

One of my favorite Scully moments occurred in the since-banned episode "Home," where she attempts to move a sheep out of her way and finally resorts to saying, "Baa ram ewe..."--a reference to the secret code that Babe the Pig learns in order to make the sheep obey him. Obviously, Scully knew how much I loved Babe! (but not Babe: Pig in the City--that movie kinda sucked) She made The X-Files one of my all-time favorite TV shows. Well, that and Scully's smokin' hawt™ self, of course.

I've seen Gillian Anderson playing various roles in other movies, but she never looked quite as good inhabiting other characters as when she was Scully. The movie premiers Friday, so you can bet your sweet bippy (or your sour one if you want) that I'll be checking out my woman this weekend.

In the meantime, we could always satisfy our Scully craving by looking at her bizarro-stupid-world doppelganger, Dana Perino--courtesy of 'Splainer MattyBoy:
But that would just make me want to throw up (again) thinking about Chimpy. So let's cleanse ourselves and go back to my woman:
Holy hand grenade, she's dreamy.

Not dead yet

but I am working on a big project at the job. I'll be off the bloggy planet for a couple more days, but I'll be back--with a vengeance!--soon. I'll try to catch up on your posts then too.

Letter from a Congressman

Back before the FISA vote disaster I, like many of my progressive pals, made some phone calls and sent emails to my local representatives begging them to vote against the new FISA because of the section granting telecoms immunity from lawsuits. This morning, I got a return email from Sen. Bob Casey, a typical bend-over-for-the-repugs democrat who --at least there's this-- beat Rick "Gays=Man-on-Dog-Sex!" Santorum for senator.

Remember Old Rick?

I can't help myself; this pic always makes me giggle. I know, I'm mean.

And here's Bob Casey:

"Who, me? You want me to suck Cheney's dick? Again? Okay! Anything for a buck!"

I have never liked Casey; back in 2006, I voted for a true progressive dem named Chuck Penacchio but, as a true progressive, he never got the backing of the Big Money in PA, of course, and he lost out to Casey.

So anyway, I got the following generic email reply from Casey this morning:

Dear Ms. Guzman:
Thank you for taking the time to contact me regarding debate on the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA). I appreciate hearing from all Pennsylvanians about this important issue.

After careful deliberation, on July 9, 2008, I voted in favor of legislation to revise and update the Foreign Intelligence and Surveillance Act of 1978. This bill is not perfect, but it does improve on the legislation hurried into law last summer by the White House when it comes to strengthening civil liberties protections for Americans, enhancing judicial oversight, and providing the intelligence community with the necessary tools and legal authorities to target terrorists who would do harm to the American people.

Despite these improvements, I also believe the bill had some significant shortcomings. For that reason, I proudly voted for the Feingold-Dodd amendment that would have stripped immunity for telecommunication firms that may have cooperated with the President's warrantless surveillance program from the bill. Additionally, I have cosponsored and spoke on the Senate floor in support of the Bingaman amendment that would have delayed these limited immunity provisions until the Congress receives a final report on the President's warrantless surveillance program. Unfortunately, both of these amendments failed to gain the necessary support for passage.

However, I was pleased that the legislation enshrines the principle that the FISA statute is the exclusive authority for electronic surveillance and that the President must obey the FISA statute. It also restores the principle of basic judicial oversight over all surveillance activities and re-establishes the principal of accountability by requiring a comprehensive Inspector General's report on the President's warrantless surveillance program within a year. It is for these reasons I ultimately chose to vote in favor of the final bill.

I have been gratified to hear from so many of my constituents on this issue. Please be assured that I kept your concerns in mind as I deliberated and cast my vote. Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Please do not hesitate to contact me in the future about this or any other matter of importance to you.

If you have access to the Internet, I encourage you to visit my web site, http://casey.senate.gov. I invite you to use this online office as a comprehensive resource to stay up-to-date on my work in Washington, request assistance from my office or share with me your thoughts on the issues that matter most to you and to Pennsylvania.

Sincerely,
Bob Casey
United States Senator

Well whaddya know about that? He "proudly voted" for that Feingold-Dodd amendment, yet he turned around and voted for the bill even though the amendment was gone. Way to stick to your guns, Bob.

I think my favorite line is this one:

This bill is not perfect, but it does improve on the legislation hurried into law last summer by the White House when it comes to strengthening civil liberties protections for Americans, enhancing judicial oversight, and providing the intelligence community with the necessary tools and legal authorities to target terrorists who would do harm to the American people.

First of all, Bob, the Bush White House has never done ANYTHING to "[strengthen] civil liberties protections for Americans," and yet you list that item first. Nice touch; in fact, I'm sure Cheney felt that touch on his ass as you were kissing it while he listened to our phone calls.

Another of Casey's justifications is this so-called "comprehensive Inspector General's report on the President's warrantless surveillance program [due] within a year." Let's see; the bill passed the other day, so his deadline is July of 2009, seven months AFTER Bush has left the White House. I'm sure BushCo will be deliverying that report right into Congress's waiting hands, just like they turned over those minutes from Darth Cheney's little pow-wows with the Big Oil/Energy folks, lost emails, Rove's ass, Harriet Myers and Josh Bolton, and all the other shit that Congress has asked for.

Don't hold your breath, Bob. But then I suspect you already knew that.

Oh--and thanks for NOTHING.

I'm think I'm gonna need more than one word for this one

(Sidenote, whispered excitedly into your ear) Check me out, posting all over the place today! (read: I finished that part-number thingie!) Of course, there's just so much stupid shit going on today that it couldn't be helped. I know: Pretend I combined all the posts into another "quick-hits" thingie, as you guys seemed to like that. Are you hungry? Because I'm hungry. And I need a Yuengling somethin' fierce. Are we going to happy hour? Sorry, are you trying to read? Sorry.

A big tip o' my Dallas Cowboys cap to The Rude Pundit for this photo:

Attempt #1:
Betrayal.
Well, that keeps to my "one-word caption day!" pronouncement from earlier, and it certainly sums things up in oh so many ways, but there's just so much going on in this photo that I gotta give it another shot.

Attempt #2:
Chimpy: Gee. Ee. Oh. Ar. Uhhhh...
Darth Cheney: Just scribble on the line like I taught you, you fucking moron. No one reads this shit anyway.
Chimpy: Huh? Oh. Yeah. (Scribbling) There! Oh, and this is sure a great victory fer freedom!
Darth Cheney: Nice touch. (Aside) Asshole.

Attempt #3:
Give up. See The Rude Pundit's treatment, because it's damned brilliant, as always.

Try to have a good weekend, my bloggy pals. Involve liquor as necessary to help you in your efforts. Get outside at least a little and enjoy nature. As for me, The Kat and The Kid are out of town, so I'm flying solo this weekend; feel free to drop by and pet Niblet and the kittehs.

It's one-word caption day!

Putrid.



Class.



Floss.



Harpy.

Random question

Tired of thinking today; I am working on a mind-numbing project at work which involves check part numbers online. 3,400 part numbers. Three thousand four hundred partnos. As Matty Boy so aptly put it:

Only I think I have the cross-eyed, from looking at this spreadsheet of partnos.

So here's my question for you, as I look up partnos and listen to music in my tiny cubey:

Who's your favorite singer of all time? I mean, the one you think is the best voice you've ever heard.

Thoughts on July 4th, related on July 9th

"Give me liberty or give me death!" --Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775

Thought #1: War! Huh! Good God! Revolutionary War--what is it good for?
Whenever The Kat and The Kid and I take a car trip, The Kid always brings along a book to read aloud to us. We enjoy her reading, and we giggle to ourselves at the words she always mispronounces ("guess-tures" instead of "gestures," Edmund "Daints" instead of "Dantes," among others), and she enjoys entertaining us.

Through the years, we've gone from a kiddie version of The Count of Monte Cristo to The Swiss Family Robinson ("There's nothing these guys won't shoot!") to our most recent book, Ghosts I Have Been.

One of the characters in Ghosts is a sincere Anglophile, lecturing the protagonist and her friend Alexander about the greatness of the British Empire and the mistake America made when it fought a war for independence from Britain. This got me to thinking...

What would've happened if the Founding Fathers had decided to stick with Mother England?

1. No great statesmen like Jefferson, Adams, Franklin, or Washington. I'm guessing they'd have just sat around getting rich. That's a mind-blower right off the bat. Those guys set the standard for true "American" greatness. Would they still have become famous were it not for their desire and sacrifices for freedom?

2. No Civil War. I'm sure we would've still had slaves--the Brits needed the cotton. But I would hope the institution of slavery would've been discontinued at some point. Of course, judging from the attitudes of some modern Americans, maybe not.

3. No Bush. Either of them.


Thought #2: Were the Founding Fathers psychic, or just that smart?
While googling "Founding Father quotes" I read this one:

A general dissolution of principles and manners will more surely overthrow the liberties of America than the whole force of the common enemy. While the people are virtuous they cannot be subdued; but when once they lose their virtue then will be ready to surrender their liberties to the first external or internal invader. --Samuel Adams, letter to James Warren, February 12, 1779

I'm always amazed at how prescient some of our grand old revolutionists were. I think they knew how precious and delicate their democracy was, and how easy it would be to ruin the whole fucking thing. They knew their history--that every great civilization has fallen into the same traps and eventually collapsed under its own hubris. I'm sure they hoped and prayed it wouldn't happen to their country. But it has.

We lost our virtue as a people long ago, I fear. The 20th century was one of almost constant warfare, leading the way to the currently endless occupation of Iraq. One terrorist attack on American soil, and America jumped up on that kitchen chair, holding her skirts and screaming, "EEK a mouse! Kill it! Kill it!" Fuck freedom and peace and democracy; it's all about fear, war, and money. My god, what would Jefferson or Lincoln say about the mad power/money grab that has been the BushCo administration?


Thought #3: On the man who gave America her first king, and the man who would be king
Bush: "Yo Blair!" "Yo Harper!" The attempted Merkel shoulder massage. The continual butchering of the language. Complete disregard for the "goddamned piece of paper" that was our Constitution, the Geneva Conventions, and plain human decency. Presidential?
McCain: "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran!" "Maybe that's a way of killing them." (on cigarette exports to Iran) Complete support for King Dumbya. Presidential?

Does anyone in the republican party--or politics altogether--have any sense of decency left?

The one where I get an award

A person I've been noticing in the comments windows of several high-quality blogs I visit and even my own little bloggy, Diva Jood has awarded IAOD an um Arte y Pico award! It's really fancy-looking:

in addition to being in Spanish and everything! I'm not sure what "Arte y Pico" means--art and something -- maybe something to do with pico de gallo, which I love, but I doubt it.

At any rate, the rules explain exactly what the award is for:
1)Pick five (5) blogs that you consider deserve this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language.

2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

3) Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.

4) Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y Pico” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award which is here: Arte y Pico.
Wow--someone thinks my blog is creative and interesting! And that it contributes to the blogging community! *blush*

So I'm kinda pumped! Now to think of five nominees who haven't already been nominated....

If anyone contributes to the blogging community as well as the world around her (and certainly to my world), it's the lovely FranIAm. But she's already gotten the award from Diva Jood herself! Dangit.

Okay--how about Distributorcap in NY? His history posts alone rival anything you'll see on TV or in the movies, documentary-wise, and his biting humor makes his blog a must-read for anyone who wants to understand complex issues like oil, the economy, and our own screwed-up country. But shit! He's already been nominated too; thanks for nothin', Randal! And dammit, that means I can't nominate Randal either, because he's already got one too!

OH HOLD THE PHONE -- Although I don't know whether they will appear at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion to accept their awards, I do have two amazing bloggers who make me think, laugh, and sometimes cry:

Jess Wundrun: My favorite Wisconsinite wonders about our world, our stupid president, and everything in between. A day with Wundrun is like a day without books--you just might as well stay in bed.

Pissed off Patricia at Morning Martini: with bonus posts every Friday from Fred, the cat who loves you guys, this is a two-for-one that'll make your day. Make mine a double!

So that's two. Now--for the King of the Scanner™ himself, the guardian of all things graphical and printed, Dr. Monkey von Monkerstein! Consider: his scans of vintage children's books and assorted magazines, his recaptioned New Yorker cartoons, his quirky combinations of his scans and his own ideas, to name just a few of the things I love about Dr. Monkey. Plus he's a movie star, and he REALLY HATES CHIMPY! AND he sent me a CD with a song called "Lucky Rabbit's Foot" that makes Niblet jump around like crazy!

That's three--I can think of one more, and I'd better hurry before someone else nominates her:

Vikkitikkitavi at Bells On. Go there. Read. Every post. Evah. She's that good.

Okay--I'm tapped out, man.