More lovely photo bias! with split-second update!

Some of my favorite things to find on the interwebs are examples of "photo bias," a concept I learned about waaaay back in my college journalism courses. Here's a beautiful example I spotted on the WaPost's Web page a while back, where a news organization paired a story with a hilariously inappropriate photo.

There are less sophistocated forms too, like printing a photo that depicts, for instance, a politician in a less-than-appropriate-looking snapshot. We're all familiar with this one, for instance:
and we've used it to high-larity many times. God only knows where the original came from (if you know, please tell me!), but whoever did it first was pure. stinkin'. genius.

But when you can put the great headline with the great (aka funny) photo, you can make photo-bias magic. Talking Points Memo's people effing HAVE THIS SHIT DOWN:

"zzzzzz... Oh, yeah--it's grave. It's a grave threat. Yeah, be afraid. Give us money. I'm seriouszzzzzzzz...."

Pure.
Stinkin'.
Genius.

UPDATE! And as if to give us a curtain call, TPM hits another one out of the park by posting this one only seconds later:

HA! Man, does she look pissed or what! Contest in the comments for funniest quote line under this one! My attempt: "Didn't I tell you that if you kept whining, I was gonna make you go sit in the car? What did I tell you? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?"

Jesus Saves -- Warren Buffett Invests

Mr. Financial Wizard Warren Buffett has decided for some reason to put $5 billion into Goldman-Sachs, one of the chief players in this financial meltdown on Wall Street.

What does this mean? To me, it means THIS is how these assholes ought to bail themselves out of this mess. They're investment bankers--let them go out and get some investors to invest in them. Good luck with all that, of course, but obviously if Mr. Wizard is giving them money, he must be expecting to make a profit somewhere down the line.

So all you financial bigwig IAOD readers--scrape your billions together and invest! (*cricket chirping*)

Oh. Uh...

Well--at the least, let's hope Congress puts the kibosh on this whole deal. OR, to continue the theme of yesterday's post, that they ask for all of Dick Cheney's paperwork and all those "lost" White House emails on a platter or it's NO DEAL. Let's kill two thieving assholes with one stone, shall we?

A few words about this bailout crap

I want YOU to bail out all my rich pals!

I think anyone who's watched our government "work" for the last eight years could tell you that no matter what the dems or the economists or any other thinking person might say, this proposed $7billion-1trillion bailout of Wall St WILL go through. Every war funding bill (that's basically gone straight into Halliburton's or Blackwater's pockets, or up in smoke in Iraq), every other fucked-up bailout (that probably went straight into some corporate exec's pocket), and every freedom-shredding "anti-terror" bill has rammed right through Congress as though Chimpy and Darth Cheney had guns to the heads of our Congresspersons.

So you just KNOW it's gonna go through.

But let's think about this for a minute.

If Pelosi and Reid could FOR ONCE have some confidence and some caring about the people who elected them, they could attach provisions to this bill. REAL provisions that would re-regulate the corporatocracy, prevent this kind of rampant thievery from happening again, and maybe even benefit you and me--those of us who have to live with this recession that Chimpy and his greedy bloodsucking Wall St jerkoffs have left us with.

Matty Boy suggests attaching new revisions to bankruptcy laws, which is a great idea for many reasons. DCap discusses things from a homeowner's point of view, which brings to my mind the prospect of at least some of this bailout money going to all those Americans who've lost their homes thanks to these corporate assholes.

So let's take it a step farther. Think about it. If Pelosi and Reid have EVER been in a position to rack Chimpy's balls on something, this is it. We know this bill will pass, no matter what--there's no way in hell Chimpy could get away with vetoing it. So don't just give in, dems! Let's play some fucking hardball with these assholes! We could almost (almost!) put "abortion rights for all, forever!" on there, and--unless Bush wants to be in some huge fucking trouble with his rich-jerk pals--he couldn't veto the bailout without risking more bank failures. We could finally put Chimpy's nuts in a vice and squeeze like there's no tomorrow!

Looks lak it's time fer me to give another blowjob to Wall Street! Those guys never get tired!

So think big, Democrats. Not only can we make this stupid bailout work for us, but now is the time to start laying the groundwork for President Obama's first term. This bailout is going to handicap him even worse than he already is, right? He'll be so far in the budget hole (to the tune of $10 trillion and counting) that he'll be in China (almost literally). This trillion dollar bailout could be a death knell for any kind of serious reform that will benefit you and me. So let's put something meaningful in there, something that will prevent this shit from happening again--at least for the reasons it happened this time (aka greedy bloodsuckers running free with zero regulation).

What kinds of provisions and or financial reforms would you attach to this bailout?

A little less fuckery from the stats

Now that's a little more like it. One of the commenters to my last fuckery post (can you tell I'm trying to up my cussometer rating?) suggested that McFossil/Painful's bounce was oh-vah, and sure enough, it looks like it is. Let's hope this trend continues.

Obama's back in a comfy lead for electoral votes, but that popular vote stat makes me insane. I was looking today at some of Painful's environmental policies while she was playing Gov. Moose in Alaska, and let me tell you: this woman is a fucking PSYCHO:

In early 2007, Palin's administration approved an initiative to pay a $150 bounty to hunters who killed a wolf from an airplane in certain areas, hacked off the left foreleg, and brought in the appendage. Ruling that the Palin administration didn't have the authority to offer payments, a state judge quickly put a halt to them but not to the shooting of wolves from aircraft.

Psycho, I tell you! (Click on the link to read the whole Salon.com article. If you feel like having nightmares, that is.)

Photo by Ron Niebrugge

Of course, there are plenty of explanations floating around about why the polls even give McFossil a chance -- mainly that the poll samples are skewed away from young (cellphone-owning) voters, etc.

Let's hope so. For the sake of our environment alone.

Lazy blogging, minus the Frenchwoman

I just took this quiz and found it kinda funny. It's rather short, so its accuracy is doubtful--but I'm okay with my result. Take the quiz here.

See beautiful Frenchwoman here, at the king of the lazy smokin' hawt girl blogging.

What the fucking fuck is this?

Has anyone ever heard of the political projections site FiveThirtyEight? A friend turned me on to it, and already I'm wishing I hadn't followed the link.

Take a peek:
Now, to quote DCup, what kind of fuckery is this?

Is this country really going to elect McFossil and MooseAlaska? Are people really that fucking stupid?

Tell me it's all just bullshit or propaganda or something. Please.

Because I do whatever FranSheIs asks me to!

Here's an interesting "profile of an Obama voter" meme started by Jew gal Katie Schwartz. Fran asked me to answer the questions, and I did my best:

1) What is your name (nickname, whatever you're comfortable sharing), your age (range), gender, occupation, income bracket (range), how you identify (gay/straight/whatever)? Married/Single/Divorced? Kids (how many)?
My name is Delia. I’ve just turned 44, and I’m in a super-lower-level marketing position. My income is a pretty shitty low-30s. I’m gay, newly separated from my partner of six and a half years. She has a 12yo daughter that I consider my child as well.

2) What are the most important issues to you in this presidential election and why?
I’d say the big issues are ending the Iraq/Afghanistan occupations, fixing our circling-the-drain economy, and repealing the shit from the last eight years (ending tax cuts for wealthy, re-regulating business again as it used to be, bringing education back to the forefront in a meaningful way rather than bullshit testing, etc.).

3) Why do you think voters should vote for Obama/Biden, what differentiates this ticket from McCain/Palin?
I won’t say I’ve supported Obama since the beginning, because I didn’t. I liked Hillary Clinton and John Edwards. But Obama and Biden have the best chance of changing the things I mentioned in #2. McCain and Palin are merely empty greedy power-hungry freaks who just want to continue and intensify the theocracy/corporatocracy that Bush/Cheney put into place. Obama could pretty much sacrifice a goat on national TV and I’d STILL vote for him. Joe Biden’s a good guy.

4) If McCain/Palin wins this election, where do you see our country going in the next four years?
I’m guessing a McCain/Palin “victory” (there’s no way those idiots could win legitimately) would mean more of the same from the past eight years. I don’t know how many more big institutions can fail before we go Hooverville, but I feel strongly that we would because McCain would do nothing to address the tax cuts for the wealthy, ending the Iraq mess, or regulating business to get it back under control. I think that the corporate world would become even more bald-faced about their desire to steal all they can from their shareholders and then get out just before the whole thing goes belly up. Once that starts happening, and people en masse are put out of work, and gas goes up to ten dollars a gallon or more, we’ll pretty much be ripe for absolute anarchy. No other country would bother invading us because we’d just be a bunch of hungry mouths to feed, so I’m not worried about that. I’m just thinking the economy will collapse much as it did in the 1929 crash, and we’ll be in for a long hellish depression.

5) Economically, where do you think this country is today and how do you think Obama/Biden can make a positive impact?
I’m no economic genius, but even I know this country is in train-wreck mode. The corporatocracy is just about the point where the execs are going to pretty much just start out-right stealing and leaving, without bothering to hide it. Pols like McCain will make that inevitable. Obama/Biden are the only ones who might try to slow it down. The corporatocracy is firmly in charge and thus is immune in many ways, no matter who’s president. That’s obvious when CEOs trash companies then get paid hundreds of millions of dollars to just disappear. If Obama/Biden do nothing more than simply reinstate the regulations that Reagan et al. tore down, we’d already be better off.

6) In the past 8-years, how do you think this country has changed under the Bush regime? Have you been affected by these changes? If so, in what ways?
The scariest thing to me is how anti-education America has become. We are the American Idol culture, more concerned about stupid shit like Britney Spears and whether we can have a beer with the president than about science, economy, and the future we’re leaving for our children. I won’t even start on the government’s domestic spying and how easily they’ve gotten local police to do their dirty work for them. Makes martial law seem that much closer.

7) I have read that Palin is considered the new voice of feminism, which is offensive in my opinion. Of equal concern are her views on abortion and the removal of books from libraries. I'd like to know what you think about all of that and how you feel about McCain choosing Palin as a running mate. And what kind of message you think that sends to women?
Palin’s the anti-feminist, having taken power in a remote outreach of the country where wackos and separatists abound. Caribou Barbie can shoot a gun and sling insults like a pro, but she’s a tool of the patriarchy. She portrays herself as the “traditional mom” with a sarcastic edge—like an Eskimo version of Roseanne Barr. Trouble is, Roseanne never tried to be president. She never took herself too seriously, and her persona wasn’t a real person—so whatever parenting mistakes she made were fictional. Palin really IS the Roseanne character gone turbo, with drug-addicted and pregnant-teen kids. She has somehow escaped the holier-than-thou scrutiny of her party of freaks because she can talk tough, I guess. (Well, that, and the far right is a bunch of idiots.) The sad thing is that she thinks she actually deserves this spot on the ticket, and perhaps for that reason I have a tiny bit of pity for her. But only a tiny bit.

Thanks, Fran, and I'll gently tag --um--Jess Wundrun? DCap? And whoever else feels like they need a post idea. I'd love to hear PoP's thoughts on these questions, but I know she doesn't do teh memes.

"an alarming lapse in judgment"

Here's a link to an interesting piece on Moose Alaska. A tidbit:

...Sarah Palin, the friendly neighbor, is different from Sarah Palin, the executive.

The latter is a woman with intense agendas guided by a narrow set of culturally conservative values and extreme religious views. She believes that abstinence should be the primary form of sex education taught to teenagers; she believes that creationism should be taught alongside science in our schools; she is against a woman's right to choose even in the cases of incest and rape; and her church believes gay and lesbian Americans can and, one assumes, should be corrected, redeemed from their deviant ways, by prayer ("pray away the gay" is their cheery slogan).

*shiver*

You know who I feel sorry for now?

What must it feel like to be Hillary Clinton now?

Think about it: she was this close to being the dem nominee for president. She put up with all kinds of fucking sexism and bullshit. Yes, her campaign was run by morons, but she was an inspiring candidate (unless you hate her, which is your choice). She was going to be the first woman to be nominated for the presidency, and perhaps could've been the first woman president.

Now, thanks to the rethugs' cynical moronic decision to put Moose Alaska/Half-Baked Alaska/Caribou Barbie/Barracuda/Freakshow Sarah Palin on the ticket with McFossil, SHE could be president. Fucking enemy of freedom, enemy of women, tool of the patriarchy Sarah Fucking Palin could be a heartbeat away from the presidency. And what did she do to deserve this (er...) honor?

Did she go to law school?

Did she work for women's causes?

Did she fight for women's rights?

Did she endure a fucking war on the campaign trail for over a year and a half?

Nope. She shot a moose, sucked the rethugs' dick (among others), completely sold her soul (if she had one) to greedy anti-environmental big-oil money-first bullshit and lies rethuglicanism, and BLAM -- like a shot to the flanks -- she's one more stolen election away from being the first woman VP and then President, once McFossil has the big one and kicks it during the first big crisis (or if they're out of steak sauce in the White House kitchen, or whatever).

Think what you will about Hillary Clinton. Hate her if you want, for whatever reasons you want. But if there's one woman in the world--one person in this fucked-up election--who deserves some pity, it's Hillary Clinton.

Hillary could've taken women's issues to the forefront and changed our futures and the futures of our daughters.

Palin would put us back into the Dark Ages.

And Hillary's watching all of it happen, right along with the rest of us, knowing that she had a chance to prevent the whole bullshitty thing from even happening.

Moments of silence.
8:46
9:03
9:59
10:29
Link.

A question, based on spam emails, about men

Has anyone else noticed a decided rise in the number of spam emails in the inbox? I've noticed at work because we have this spam filter thingie that encapsulates all of them into a list, and you can check to delete them or "white-list" them (which I think means their future emails won't be blocked).

I get some pretty funny ones:

Does Dr. Monkey know about this?

and some really creepy ones:

But mostly, I get stuff like this:

So here's my question:

Do men REALLY think about their dick size this much?

I really want to know! Because I'll get ten or twenty blocked emails in a row about "sizing up" and "giving it to her deep" and "amazing your girlfriends with your huge package." Obviously, someone thinks men are completely obsessed with their penis size, but is it really true?

The one in which I win

As some of you may know, I've kinda been on bloggy-lite mode for a while now. But this morning, I wandered the intertubes over to one of my favorite fellow September girls, the very parenthetical CDP, and found this post!

Commenter of the week? And for what, you ask?

(Hey--when did Matty Boy's hypothetical question asker hijack my blog?)

So now I've got to come up with some t-shirts for us. Let's see...

Idea 1:

Front of shirt: FUCK YOU!

Back of shirt: Oops, sorry! Forgot to take my meds!

Idea 2:

Front of shirt: Why didn't I just stay home today, curled up in a ball?

Back of shirt: Oh yeah. Thanks, meds!

Feel free to suggest your own designs, kittens!

Scarier and scarier

Did I tell you guys about my FEMALE coworker who insisted that she'd never vote for a woman president because "women are too emotional!"? Yeah--despite her science degree and all her smarts, she's obviously a tool of the patriarchy, helping to keep men in power and women in the kitchen. Oh well.

So the other day, Faux News is on in the work cafeteria (of course). This same coworker says, "You know, I said I'd never vote for a woman, but this Palin lady is really great! She's tough and smart, and I like her!"

My head almost exploded.

So I said, "Um--she has no real experience. She knows nothing about global politics. She's anti-choice, pro-death penalty, pro-guns, and pro-big oil and big bidness. She's terrible!"

My coworker, who's a staunch repug: "Well, I like her. She is the thing that will save McCain's campaign!"

My head exploded.

FIgure out your Obama tax cut!

Check this out!

Meet McFossil's running mate! UPDATED, even!

Highlights (gleaned from Wikipedia mostly)
--Finished second in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant. Damned grizzlies win it every time.
--Degree in journalism, minor in politics. Ds get degrees!
--Hubby is a "champion snowmobiler." What a stud!
--Pro-life for unborns, pro-death for adult convicts. That's consistency for you.
--Anti-gay marriage. but I have gay friends! Of course they're gonna burn in hell because of their sins but I love 'em anyway!
--"signed into law a $6.6 billion operating budget—the largest in Alaska's history." Ah, another fiscally conservative money-waster! Nice to see she's up on how repugs run things.
--has no stated positions on much of anything that matters to the future of our country. But hey! She's pro-life!

UPDATED! She's also for teaching creationism in schools. I've been whirling through the Intertubes all damned day trying to figure out what idiocy could've possessed McFossil and his trainers, but I still can't figure it out. Is he that stupid or that cynical? Judging from what I've read of her repub credentials of big oil, big bidness, and big jesus, she's apparently a fine young repuglican -- but really, is this the person ANYONE would choose to run the country when McFossil keels over after a few months in office? I hate to say "game over" and buy the first round, but sweet jaysus, are Amurkans REALLY stupid enough to vote for this guy and his little granddaughter?

A historic night

Could Obama have been any better last night? I don't think there was a dry eye in that entire convention center. What a moment.

Not to mention that the guy's got great skin.

Your thoughts on Bill and John

So what did everyone think of Bill Clinton's speech last night? I happened to be in the car and heard it on NPR. Wish I had thought to have it on when Hillary spoke the other night, but oh well. I'd also like to have heard Michelle Obama.

I also heard some of John Kerry's speech. Was anyone energized by him?

Revelatory: Away from the body politic, to the body personal

Might as well catch you up on what's going here at IaOD. I'll do it by the numbers, like Scott Jagow (sp?) does on Marketplace. (Cue "Stormy Weather.")

1. Kat and I are no longer together. The short version of the story is "Space." She needs it--lots of it--so I gave it to her. I've been getting a TON of love and support from my pals, both in-person and from my pals on the Intertubes, and it's really made this whole thing so much more bearable. Surprisingly, I'm not falling apart. Don't really know what that's about, actually. I have some tough moments, but there's so much going on my life that's positive and fulfilling--and though it's kind of weird to think of it like this, the whole "kicked outta my house" thing has really highlighted those positive things. Weird, huh? Who knows what the future holds, but I've always lived my life knowing that things will work out for the best. So--things'll work out for the best, you know?

2. I dropped that Chemistry class I was registered for. It was just going to be way too much to handle right now. I wasn't really emotionally or scholastically prepared for it, so I'm waiting until the spring to take Chem 110 along with Chem 108, which is a class you can take simultaneously where you learn what the hell they're talking about in Chem 110.

3. I've just gotten my own car for the first time in five years (Kat and I shared a Saturn Ion, which she's keeping). It's a used 2008 Pontiac G6, and it's all jacked up with all kinds of extras and James Bond shit. There's a button you press to tell you how many miles you can go on the gas currently in your tank, what the pressure is in each of your tires, and the temperature outside. It's awesome, in that "I'm driving Daddy's fancy car!" way. Never would've bought anything like it new, but I got a great deal on a slightly used one. It's nice to have my own wheels again. That's a big relief.

4. I hope to be moving into an apartment in this neat little city near my work, Bellefonte. There's a big park in the middle of town with all kinds of ducks and trout and stuff in it--I love to go there and feed them. I'll be a few blocks away from the park--assuming this apartment is up to snuff. I'm looking at it on Saturday, and I hope to move my stuff in on Sunday. Then I'm going to go out with my newly graduated pal Matty (that's Dr. Gaaaaayyyyy to you), and we're gonna get trashed. Then, sometime after the calendar turns to the wee hours of the morning of September 1, I'm going to stay in my new apartment! (my landlady said I couldn't stay there in until the lease starts, but I could move some stuff in on Sunday--a good compromise, in my mind)

Obviously, I've let myself ramble on a bit, if I'm telling you the intimate details of my Sunday night stealth move-in scheme. So I'll leave you with this bit of ICHC nom-iness:

Smile tho' your heart is aching,

Smile even tho' it's breaking,

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by,
If you smile thro' your fear and sorrow,

Smile and maybe tomorrow,

You'll see the sun come shin-ing thro' for you
Light up your face with gladness,

Hide ev-'ry trace of sadness,

Al -'tho a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time,

You must keep on trying,

Smile, what's the use of crying,

You'll find that life is still worth-while,
If you just smile...

--Charles Chaplin

Understatement of the century

"Please don't eat me, Mr. Cheney!"

While tooling around the interwebs in my SeriesOfTubesMobile this morning, I encountered this gem in a Wall Street Journal piece discussing what Joe Biden can bring to the White House as VP:

We've seen over the past eight years with Richard Cheney how a smart, aggressive and experienced vice president who is respected by the president can have a major impact on our lives.

Let's forget the mooning dreamy-eyed description of a "smart, aggressive and experienced" Darth Cheney for a moment. Has there ever been a bigger understatement made in print? I mean, unless someone's said something like "Jesus kinda influenced history a little" or something, THIS has to be the understatement of the century. Big Dick and His Pet Chimp have altered the very fabric of this democracy for decades to come. The damage they've done to the inner workings of this government, to the reputation of this nation, to the Middle East--to name just a few of their many goat-fucks--is immeasurable. Historians will look back on this as the beginning of very dark times for the US, perhaps the beginning of the end of America as we know it.

We have indeed seen how a dark Sith lord can insert himself into a position of power and, through his own morally corrupt influence and raw lust for power and wealth, can fashion a legacy of tortured prisoners, surveilled citizens, and insurmountable debt. Yeah. We've seen it.

Bush-Quayle redux?

Are republicans really stupid enough to consider Rick "Gays=Man-on-dog sex!" Santorum as a VP candidate? Of course Rush is stupid enough--and high enough--to consider it. But real voters? Santorum couldn't even win reelection to his senate seat. There's NO WAY he's going to pull Pennsylvania into the red column; everyone with a brain in this state considers Santorum a stupid prick.

Speaking of my keystone state, what's with all the Pennsylvania VP talk? Tom Ridge? Has-been. Prick Santorum? Idiot.

Let's hope Obama picks someone like Biden who can pull some real support. He may not be squeaky clean, but the guy's got guts. I like him.

A picture says a thousand words...

...or Why Sebellius will not be Obama's running mate

A picture does indeed say a thousand words, and there's one picture that would say a thousand (or more) very UNKIND words in this bigotted country:
Imagine the uproar in KKK territory if Mr. Black Man and Ms. White Woman appear like this on a consistent basis. Imagine what the Rovian repugs will do to stir up the bigotry against the uppity black guy who presumes to take a white woman by the hand.

If you think the repugs are cranking out the "fear the black man!" at a high rate now, just imagine what would happen if this team appeared on the dem ticket.

But goddamn, don't they look great together!? I'm sad that this thought even crossed my mind, but as I was driving to work the other day, I thought about Obama and Sebellius, standing together in that co-champions/hands-in-the-air way, and it hit me--as I drove through my rural Pennsylvania valley.

What do you think will happen? Is it going to be Joe Biden? Tim Kaine (whoever he is)? Sebellius?

Because it must be repeated for effect!

reposted with a huge h/t to Princess Sparkle Pony, the blogger who first caught my eye and showed me the wonders of Matty Boy, FranSheIs, and KarenZipdrive via their insanely hilarious comments.
Oh, those crazy Ossetians over near that other Georgia! Whoever made this sign needs to start his/her own blog to showcase those phenomenal PhotoShopping skee-ulz!

The CondiDo-into-CondiMullet is an extra-fabulous touch! It's almost realistic enough to raise the Hairdo Alert to Fiascotastic!

And to avoid the possible lawsuits and stuff, here's the original AP caption and photo credit: "Ossetian protesters demonstrate outside NATO headquarters in Brussels, Tuesday Aug. 19, 2008. U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and her NATO counterparts are reviewing relations with Moscow and are expected to curtail high level meetings and military cooperation with Russia if it does not abandon crucial positions across Georgia. (AP Photo/Geert Vanden Wijngaert)"

Oh yes, by all means, "curtail" your bigtime meetings with those nogoodniks! They'll come crawling back to us, screaming their regrets over this global "my bad!" in no time!

Now THAT'S diplomacy!

Ask your doctor about...

courtesy of www.sarcasma.net

Sometimes, even while on a break from the madness, you just gotta post.

No long explanations, but I'm taking a break from the political for a while. You can find me at my bird bloggy, thinking the positive thots.

A cereal box as food for thought

Honest Abe

There must be a name for people who love to read so much that they even read the backs of the cereal boxes as they eat their morning bowl of Life or Cocoa Puffs or Wheaties whatever. I am one of these people, and this past weekend I found some great reading material on the back of my box of Giant® brand Corn Flakes.

The box read "Know Your Presidents" and had a bunch of trivia questions about cities named for presidents (i.e. Lincoln, NE, etc.), and a quotations section. Most of the quotations were pretty easy, well known to those who've taken even a junior high history class: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" (FDR) and "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" (JFK). One of them was familiar because so many people have been referring to it during our long national nightmare of Emperor Chimpy's imperial rule: "Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the President." Good one, Teddy!
TR also said, "I will not lie, cheat or steal, nor tolerate those who do." Perhaps he didn't lie, cheat, or steal--but he was one of the first global imperialist presidents, so I don't much trust him as our leader. I'm sure he probably was a good guy, though.

One quotation in the quiz, however, was new to me:

I pray heaven to bestow the best blessings on this house and all that shall hereafter inhabit it. May none but honest and wise men ever rule under this roof.

John Adams said this about the White House in 1800, when he and his wife were the first First Couple to move in. The fact that he used the word "men"--we'll gloss over that. Sexism is to be expected of a man in 1800. Let's look instead at the last line:

May none but honest and wise men ever rule under this roof.

My mind reels when I think of these simple but important standards for the people who've served as president. Honest men? Hmm... Lincoln? Eisenhower? I can't really think of anyone else I'd regard as "honest," though I'll admit I'm only thinking of the last few presidents. I admire FDR and JFK, but I believe that neither was truly an honest man; Roosevelt may have known about Pearl Harbor but allegedly chose to let it happen so he'd have a causus belli. JFK's personal life was filled with dishonesty, if tales of his womanizing are true.

I think of the presidents who've served while I've been alive: LBJ, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush. Wow. Not exactly a bunch of Honest Abes--the only one I'd call honest in that bunch is Carter. And you see what it got him.
I guess honesty isn't exactly a presidential characteristic anymore, assuming it ever was.

The second standard Adams prayed for was to have a wise man. Now we're really going to have a short list! I'd call Carter wise, though I don't think he always displayed that wisdom during his term. JFK was a wise man, I think, keeping his head and pulling us back from the brink of nuclear war. He was a man of thought before action. And of course Lincoln--arguably the best president we ever had--was a wise and honest man who kept this nation whole through its greatest crisis up until that time. Could a Nixon have done that? Or even an FDR? (I'd bet on FDR before Nixon, though--who wouldn't?)

But can any of us label any of these other clowns as "wise?" All you history buffs out there--put on your history caps and tell me: have we had any "honest and wise" presidents during your lifetime?

More importantly, is there any chance of ever getting an honest and wise president in the future? Certainly, McCain is nothing close to honest or wise; his changes of position and willingness to do or say whatever it takes to get elected pretty much disqualify him from being anything other than a parasitic lifeform, barely even human.


Obama has a great intellect, and he seems fairly honest--but he's shown once that he will vote against the people and for the big corporations when the chips are down.

Will we ever get a Lincoln or an Eisenhower again? Given the idiots we've elected (or who we've let steal elections), do we even deserve one? Would we know one if we saw him or her?

Oh man... shit.

Alexandr Solzhenitzyn has died.

Friday funny pictures

Kitteh parents, do the responsible thing with your kittehs!

I'm voting for this cat:

This is just so true:

Dr. Monkey sent me this sweet little bunny drawing from one of his crazy old magazines he's always scanning:

And Niblet just reminded me to tell you that if you're trying to find the freshest monkey available, look here. Whether because of Blogger code goatfuck or some neocon-troll-nogoodnik, Monkey can't post on his regular blog.

Them's all the funny pitchers Ah got.

The latest from the McFossil camp

photo shamelessly stolen from Hasty Brook

Now look here, my friends. I want to talk about issues, dammit! Like my issue with Obama and his uppity ways! Talking to those Krauts like he was the king of the fuckin' world! What an asshole!

I'm the one who's been all over the world! And all my time in 'Nam gave me a lot of foreign policy experience, my friends! Did I mention I am crippled because I fought those bastards the whole time? That's right, my friends--I fought them. And now I can't come my own hair (and if you tell me it's thinning on top, you stupid cunt, I'll bash you right into next week!).

Thank you, my friends!

OMG--imagine if we could pull this off!

Whiling away the last few minutes of my workday just now, I swung by Princess Sparkle Pony's site and found this post about the upcoming Oliver Stone Chimpy-biopic.

Hilarious comments were already in play, including one by the brilliant KarenZipDrive:

Holy cow!
Stone's movie looks like it might become the next "Mommie Dearest."
You gotta wonder how this project was snagged away from John Waters.
As for Thandie Rice, a little lip collagen would have helped a lot.
Regardless, I plan to be first in line to see it- and yes, I plan to talk back to the screen like a mofo.

I dropped a comment about the movie possibly achieving Rocky Horror status and wished that we could all--everyone on my 'groll, everyone out there in Reality land, all us blue people with brains in our heads and irreverent cussing laughter in our hearts--you know who you are!--what if we could ALL go to a showing of the movie together!?

Can you imagine!? Dr. Monkey would start screeching and throwing poo before the opening credits even began, and it would be downhill from there! The only reason we wouldn't all be arrested is that Fran would talk the cops into cutting us some slack for God's sake!

Oh dear, look at these screen captures from the trailer:
I don't want to imagine W dressed this way, dancing this way--with anyone or anything.

Crazy Eyes can only dream she could look this good--or this alert.

Ted Stevens BUSTED!

Well, what do you know--I found something political to blog about, just as I hit the publish button on the gardening post:

With a big h/t to Truthout:

Senator Stevens Indicted in Corruption Inquiry
Washington - Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, the longest-serving Republican senator in United States history and a figure of great influence in Washington as well as in his home state, has been indicted on federal corruption charges.

Senator OldIRS-CheatingManFromAlaska, looking grim.

Mr. Stevens, 84, was indicted on seven counts of falsely reporting income. The charges are related to renovations on his home and to gifts he has received. They arise from an investigation that has been under way for more than a year, in connection with the senator's relationship with a businessman who oversaw the home-remodeling project.

The indictment will surely reverberate through the November elections. Mr. Stevens, who has been in the Senate for 40 years, is up for re-election this year. Mark Begich, a popular Democratic mayor of Anchorage, hopes to supplant him.

Hardy-har-har! I was wondering just yesterday if anything was going to come of this long-pending investigation; I was reading someplace that Stevens is one of the big-name repugs who will be skipping the Republican National Convention. Looks like he will be skipping it, indeed! Why can't we see some sort of COPS-like bust of this asshole, complete with shirtless Ted getting tackled to the ground by a bunch of overzealous coppers? Let's imagine that scene for a while, shall we?

I love the smell of repug indictments in the afternoon!

A change of pace

I'm still pretty freaked out by Scott McClellan's revelation last Friday that Fox "News" was taking talking points directly from the White House and passing them off as "news." I know, I know--why should I be surprised? But I am--to think that Rupert Murdoch and his staff of talking heads (they're not reporters, not journalists--none of them) should have so much power, and serve so corrupt a master, is just mindboggling to me. It's basically a state-run media outlet, without the pesky Congressional oversight (such as it is).

Anyway--like I said, I'm pretty freaked out by politics lately, so I thought I'd give you a change of pace: an update on my vegetable garden. Disappointed? If you are, don't worry--I'll find something new to piss me off tomorrow and get back to the shit-tank we call American politics. Meanwhile, I haven't taken any pictures of my garden, so you'll just have to close your eyes and use your imaginations, boys and girls!

So--my garden! It's one of the things that gives me pleasure in this crazy world. Here's the veggie-by-veggie breakdown:

Black-seeded Simpson Green Leaf Lettuce and Arugula: These guys came and went early and quickly. We had good salad lettuce for about a month and a half; it's now bitter and too far gone. The arugula was always a little too strong, and even then it only took about two weeks to get too bitter to eat. Lesson learned on that one, a first-time veggie for me. My new theory: plant only a few seeds, harvest them very early when the leaves are small. Then when those are done, do another small batch, and so on. Does anyone know whether this will work? I'll probably do the same with lettuce, only in a bigger batch each time. We luvs our salad at the Marsh House. I pulled all the plants up and composted them, and I'm drying some of the arugula for seeds; maybe I'll try my theory when the seeds are ready!

Cilantro: Man, is there anything better than having cilantro on hand for salsas, quesadillas (I put sprigs of it right on the cheese before I melt it in my 'dilla maker), and guacamole than cilantro you grow yourself? Mine lasted a good month and a half before the plants started to flower and get the little narrow bitter leaves. I pulled everything up, composted most of it, and am drying the rest for seeds. All my plants this year were volunteers from last year, so I figure I can "force" some new volunteers and get more cilantro this season. It's not too late, I tell you!

Green Peppers: small peppers are forming on my small plants, which seems weird. I don't know how the little plants are going to find the strength to get the peppers much bigger than eggs, but we'll see.

Squash: just picked three young and delicious yellow crooknecks on Friday to take camping with us. Lots of flowers, lots of good stuff to come.

Brocolli: this is my first time ever to grow broc. I took three medium-sized heads to camp with us, and they were delicious--if a little strong and kinda cabbage-y on the aftertaste. Now flea beetles are eating the plants. Oh well.

Green beans 'Kentucky Wonder' pole variety: Vining, but no flowers yet. Come on!

Indian Rainbow sweet corn: Tasseling! Finally! I'm hoping to see some silks soon!

Tomatoes: I got 1 cherry tomato (delicious!) off the vine on Sunday, but I'm still waiting on the rest. I should have literally hundreds ready soon--living up to the 'Sweet 100' variety name. The 'Early Girl' and 'Celebrity' plants are loaded with medium-sized green fruits. Apparently, "early" is a relative term....

Eggplant: Kinda buried in the weeds, these guys got a slow start thanks to an attack by Colorado potato beetles. I would be surprised if these guys do anything. This is another first-timer for me, but I'm still disappointed. Does anyone have tips on growing these from seedlings?

Serrano peppers: These seedlings have grown maybe two inches since I planted them two months ago. WTF. I'm bummed; I wanted to make salsa with all my own ingredients (well, except onions)!

Fruit update!
Raspberries: we've been harvesting about twenty or thirty fruits every couple of days. Total yumminess. They seem to be bearing well and should last another couple of weeks, I hope.
Blackberries: La Bomba personified. They were all vine, no flower this year--despite the fact that it's year 2 for them. WTF?
Pears: Hard as rocks last time I checked, but I'm hopeful that we'll get to eat some of these in a week or two.

Poking fun at the old man

Ah, Friday afternoon -- the hardest time to stay put at work, instead of using up my meager vacation hours and leaving early!

However, a few things have made me smile this afternoon:

Looky here, boys and girls, it's Droopy Dog and McFossil, yucking it up! Let's turn on our MagicMicrophone™ and listen in on their conversation...

Droopy: "Hyuh, hyuh, hyuh! Ah'm just so tickled at the way that thar lib'ral media is a-treatin' yew! Why, yew could say just 'bout ennythin' and they'd get busier'n a cat coverin' up shee-it to make yew look good!"

McFossil: Uh, er, well, I don't--I uh, uh, I thought, uh...

Droopy: Why, yer so stupid yer mammy probly had to sew yer name into your clothes--on the front! Hyuh-hyuh-hyuh, Ah'm jest joshin' ya there, John!

McFossil: Ha ha, my friends.... Hey, what did you say?

Wow, that's some boring shit, kids. Let's move on. If you want to learn more about what is going on inside McFossil's head, you've got to read his diary! Zipdrive must have her own MagicMicrophone inside that pea-brain of his, stealin his thots!

Oh look, now he's got his cun- I mean his wife with him!

I realize the guy can't raise his arms higher than this, thanks to his POW days. But whenever I see him do this, I think of this:
only a lot less cool.

In a word...

"Allow me to suck your blood, pre-emptively killing you before you die!"

If you could describe the BushCo administration in one word, what would that word be?

May I suggest pre-emptive? First they gave us pre-emptive election results by not bothering to do recounts; then there were pre-emptive wars, pre-emptive homeland defense with crap shoots like the No-Fly lists, and now they're considering pre-emptive pardons of people who might have engaged in "counterterrorism" efforts. In other words, torturers of inmates at Guantanamo Bay or the goons who are listening in on our phone calls and reading our emails, among other things.

So many other words work too, like any synonym you can think of for words like these:

disaster
corruption
criminal
greedy

Oh my sweet clean lord, it's Scully!

Unbeknownst to me (as I have no TV and thus know nothing about what's going on out there in Entertainmentland), Chris Carter is making a new X-Files movie, starring my erstwhile wife and love Gillian Anderson, the "Dana Scully" half of the Mulder and Scully team of the series.

This is all pretty impressive when you figure that the series had its heydays during Bill Clinton's presidency, and the first movie Fight the Future came out ten freakin' years ago. Still, I guess Chris Carter knew that my passion and fervor for Scully would not be diminished by time, and thus we have a new movie: The X-Files: I Want to Believe.


Geeks like me were always in love with the coolness of Scully: her skepticism, her knowledge of medicine, and her scathing and hilarious disbelieving looks whenever Mulder would go off on one of his crazy theories. Beneath the cool exterior, however, one could detect a warmth and a fierceness of purpose that made her the smoldering center of the show.

One of my favorite Scully moments occurred in the since-banned episode "Home," where she attempts to move a sheep out of her way and finally resorts to saying, "Baa ram ewe..."--a reference to the secret code that Babe the Pig learns in order to make the sheep obey him. Obviously, Scully knew how much I loved Babe! (but not Babe: Pig in the City--that movie kinda sucked) She made The X-Files one of my all-time favorite TV shows. Well, that and Scully's smokin' hawt™ self, of course.

I've seen Gillian Anderson playing various roles in other movies, but she never looked quite as good inhabiting other characters as when she was Scully. The movie premiers Friday, so you can bet your sweet bippy (or your sour one if you want) that I'll be checking out my woman this weekend.

In the meantime, we could always satisfy our Scully craving by looking at her bizarro-stupid-world doppelganger, Dana Perino--courtesy of 'Splainer MattyBoy:
But that would just make me want to throw up (again) thinking about Chimpy. So let's cleanse ourselves and go back to my woman:
Holy hand grenade, she's dreamy.

Not dead yet

but I am working on a big project at the job. I'll be off the bloggy planet for a couple more days, but I'll be back--with a vengeance!--soon. I'll try to catch up on your posts then too.

Letter from a Congressman

Back before the FISA vote disaster I, like many of my progressive pals, made some phone calls and sent emails to my local representatives begging them to vote against the new FISA because of the section granting telecoms immunity from lawsuits. This morning, I got a return email from Sen. Bob Casey, a typical bend-over-for-the-repugs democrat who --at least there's this-- beat Rick "Gays=Man-on-Dog-Sex!" Santorum for senator.

Remember Old Rick?

I can't help myself; this pic always makes me giggle. I know, I'm mean.

And here's Bob Casey:

"Who, me? You want me to suck Cheney's dick? Again? Okay! Anything for a buck!"

I have never liked Casey; back in 2006, I voted for a true progressive dem named Chuck Penacchio but, as a true progressive, he never got the backing of the Big Money in PA, of course, and he lost out to Casey.

So anyway, I got the following generic email reply from Casey this morning:

Dear Ms. Guzman:
Thank you for taking the time to contact me regarding debate on the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA). I appreciate hearing from all Pennsylvanians about this important issue.

After careful deliberation, on July 9, 2008, I voted in favor of legislation to revise and update the Foreign Intelligence and Surveillance Act of 1978. This bill is not perfect, but it does improve on the legislation hurried into law last summer by the White House when it comes to strengthening civil liberties protections for Americans, enhancing judicial oversight, and providing the intelligence community with the necessary tools and legal authorities to target terrorists who would do harm to the American people.

Despite these improvements, I also believe the bill had some significant shortcomings. For that reason, I proudly voted for the Feingold-Dodd amendment that would have stripped immunity for telecommunication firms that may have cooperated with the President's warrantless surveillance program from the bill. Additionally, I have cosponsored and spoke on the Senate floor in support of the Bingaman amendment that would have delayed these limited immunity provisions until the Congress receives a final report on the President's warrantless surveillance program. Unfortunately, both of these amendments failed to gain the necessary support for passage.

However, I was pleased that the legislation enshrines the principle that the FISA statute is the exclusive authority for electronic surveillance and that the President must obey the FISA statute. It also restores the principle of basic judicial oversight over all surveillance activities and re-establishes the principal of accountability by requiring a comprehensive Inspector General's report on the President's warrantless surveillance program within a year. It is for these reasons I ultimately chose to vote in favor of the final bill.

I have been gratified to hear from so many of my constituents on this issue. Please be assured that I kept your concerns in mind as I deliberated and cast my vote. Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Please do not hesitate to contact me in the future about this or any other matter of importance to you.

If you have access to the Internet, I encourage you to visit my web site, http://casey.senate.gov. I invite you to use this online office as a comprehensive resource to stay up-to-date on my work in Washington, request assistance from my office or share with me your thoughts on the issues that matter most to you and to Pennsylvania.

Sincerely,
Bob Casey
United States Senator

Well whaddya know about that? He "proudly voted" for that Feingold-Dodd amendment, yet he turned around and voted for the bill even though the amendment was gone. Way to stick to your guns, Bob.

I think my favorite line is this one:

This bill is not perfect, but it does improve on the legislation hurried into law last summer by the White House when it comes to strengthening civil liberties protections for Americans, enhancing judicial oversight, and providing the intelligence community with the necessary tools and legal authorities to target terrorists who would do harm to the American people.

First of all, Bob, the Bush White House has never done ANYTHING to "[strengthen] civil liberties protections for Americans," and yet you list that item first. Nice touch; in fact, I'm sure Cheney felt that touch on his ass as you were kissing it while he listened to our phone calls.

Another of Casey's justifications is this so-called "comprehensive Inspector General's report on the President's warrantless surveillance program [due] within a year." Let's see; the bill passed the other day, so his deadline is July of 2009, seven months AFTER Bush has left the White House. I'm sure BushCo will be deliverying that report right into Congress's waiting hands, just like they turned over those minutes from Darth Cheney's little pow-wows with the Big Oil/Energy folks, lost emails, Rove's ass, Harriet Myers and Josh Bolton, and all the other shit that Congress has asked for.

Don't hold your breath, Bob. But then I suspect you already knew that.

Oh--and thanks for NOTHING.