Cuss-o-Meter Wars!

There were some pretty hilarious comments and even some trash-talking on that last Cuss-o-Meter post, so I decided to be a lazy blogger (like someone else I know) and let you play amongst yourselves!

First, I must tell you that I plugged my bloggy into the meter again and got an improved score--though the page did not load correctly so I just got this screen capture--I'm up to 52.9!

561% MORE!

That's not even close to Jess Wundrun's just plain stupefying 69.3%. Yo, that Jess got skee-ulz.

So let's look at a few of your comments:

First, fellow lady-lover, native Texan, and Princess Sparkle Pony-worshipper KarenZipdrive tossed her chip into the ante:

If I knew how to install one of those fucking meters, I'd kick all y'alls' butts.

Damned righteous, complete with a pluralized "y'all," which only Texans are allowed to use, BTW. Then of all the people to come in and taunt me while I'm down, who else but Necco-Wafer-lover CDP's gotta throw down:

Damn, I thought yours was pretty fucking high, too, but JW is kicking your bird-watching ass. That shit is messed up. Son of a bitch.
OK, now try it again. Assuming comments are included, I might have helped your score. You're welcome)

And she didn't limit her jibbah-jabbah to me, oh no; after The Divine Democrat commented:

Hey, how do I get my cuss-o-meter score? I have no doubt, I could melt the ##&%# down! Of course, I would need to redeem myself in the confessional afterwards, but it would be fun to see if I could get that sucker to smoke.

CDP even let Nunly have some:

Mary Ellen--if you're bleeping yourself in other people's comment threads, then I have serious doubts that you can, in fact, bring it.

Day-um. So it's like that now. In her defense, Nunly did offer a feeble "you should hear me!" retort, but the damage was done.

I decided, therefore, to take the cussing into my own hands; I plugged-in and screen-captured the lot of you!

Oh Flying Nunly, how dost thy roll?

Ah, a respectable 29.3! Nice work -- especially for a nun! Now Father Sheehy says to do ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and an Act of Contrition, Sister.

And the Parenthetical CDP herself?
WHOA! Rejected! Less than 20%! Tsk, tsk! Better start polishing off those F-bombs and representin', mah girl.

And my Texas buddy Zipdrive:

Yeesh. Zip, give it a little spice, will ya?

Just for kicks, I threw in the most wonderful and non-hypocritical christian person I know:

Fran, Fran, Fran! Thou dost practice what thou dost preach! Though I will say I expected some of her rants on Chimpy to have earned her at least a 4.8. Vaya con Dios, mi amiga!

So--how do you roll? Check yourself. (Though I'll tell you that the meter's been a little cranky about loading properly today. Maybe it's just me, though.)

and DOWN goes Fray-zha!

Holy smokes, I might as well give it up.

I thought my Cuss-O-Meter rating was going to be one of those records like Hank Aaron's, seemingly untouchable. Alas, a non-steroidal Barry Bonds of blogging has blown my mark to fucking smithereens!

My rating:

Lovely, and cringe-worthy... but then:

Jess Wundrun's rating:

HOLY SHIT. I bow to my worthy adversary, and I congratule her on fucking domination of the dirty words.

Fiftieth verse, same as the first

Guess what, Amurkans! Bushco's little stooge David Betrayus has just come out with a new song that goes something like this:

Said 'Murkans, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said soldiers, make it slow
Iraq'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
Patience...Ooh, oh, yeah

How about those deep and meaningful lyrics, folks? Let's give 'em a big round of applause!

What's that, you say? You think you've heard this song before? Well, let's check the American Bandstand archives!

a real Dick

Let's take her back to 2005:It's got a good beat, and you can dance to it! Besides, any song that links Iraq with 9/11 is music to our ears! Like with every successful band, people just wanted to hear more!

Let's try 2007, and a full 1 year and 9 months later:
I guess some songs just won't die!

And now, the Little General Who Couldn't tries to pass the same old shit off as a brand-new song:

So how will our dancers rate this record? Only time will tell--just be patient!

One thing's for sure: While Amurkan tastes in music might accept this reprocessed bullshit, apparently the Iraqis are looking for a new sound:

Now there's a song you can sing along with.

Sorry, Mom...

Uh... I'm sure it's just because I say Dick Cheney and Bush a lot, Mom, really.

A little history, courtesy of Google

I just saw a story in the paper headlined: "Bush tells Congress to act on legislative agenda." The lead read: "On his way out of the country, President Bush stopped long enough Monday to tell Congress what to do while he was away: pass legislation he wants on matters of trade, housing and terrorist surveillance" (my emphasis).

The tone and intent of Bush's actions are both familiar and obvious: he is the one calling the shots. Like a parent telling a child what to do, Bush thinks he can tell Congress--the legislative branch which is guaranteed by our Constitution to have an equal amount of power as the president or the judicial branch--what bills to pass, what laws to make. We all know how intelligent and capable Chimpy is when it comes to the best course of action for this country, right? And we've seen our Congress stand up to Bush time and time again, right?

Has any other president ever been so bold in his assertion of power over Congress as Chimpy has? I decided to google the words "president tells Congress" to find out. Obviously, the results were all Chimpy-related, all recent. He's been telling Congress what to do since he got into office, basically. So I googled "Reagan tells Congress;" after all, Chimpy claims to idolize moRon Reagan.
Here's what I got:

"President Reagan today warned Congress against passing protectionist trade legislation and insisted that the United States would seek to 'meet the competition head on.'
Renewing his attack on protectionism as Congress prepares to take up a trade bill later this month, the President, in his weekly radio speech, criticized what he said was 'heavy-handed legislation to deal with our trade problem.''' New York Times, 9/6/87

First off, note the change the in tone; the media certainly treated Reagan's "warnings" to Congress with softer language. Then I read the passage again, and I realized I was seeing the very seeds of our "globalization" of business, all here in two sentences. According to Saint Reagan, it's "protectionism" to pass laws that keep jobs and money here in the US. I guess it's better for everyone if businesses can ship US jobs overseas to lower their costs, and thus put us in the shithole we're in now -- oh, and make a few republican-friendly businessmen very rich for a very long time.

This was a little more than I was bargaining for; I wanted to get back to my original goal so I googled "Carter tells Congress." No hits, at least not for anything like Carter telling anybody what to do.

"Nixon tells Congress"--surely I'd find some Chimpy-like statements here! I mean, this guy was trying to be king long before Chimpy made it so trendy! Again, however, nothing. Nixon tells of China, and all other sorts of disjointed uses of those three words, but Nixon didn't tell anybody what to do, at least not according to the media.

However, I did find this interesting tidbit:

"Faced with what he considered a profligate Congress, Richard Nixon transformed an occasional practice of former Presidents into a tactic of confrontation. Claiming he had a presidential right of impoundment, Nixon simply refused to spend at least $16 billion appropriated by Congress for a variety of projects. In 1973 the Supreme Court, aware that it might soon face more serious tests of presidential power, ducked the issue. Last week, with those problems behind them, the Justices turned to an impoundment-related suit and by a 9-to-0 vote delivered one more resounding no to the Nixon doctrine of Executive power" (my emphasis). New York Times, 3/3/75

As Archie and Edith Bunker used to sing, "those were the days" indeed! Nixon's tactic of refusing to obey Congress sure sounds familiar, but the Supreme Court basically slapped him back down, something that has not happened since that same institution gave the presidency to Chimpy back in 2000.

By now, my mind was getting blown by the contrasts, as well as by the other things I was finding out. I was alive during all these presidents' terms, but I was a kid for Nixon and Ford and Carter. I was in high school and college during Reagan, and only then did I realize that republicans didn't give a shit about people like me or my family or my friends. Ketchup is as close as poor hispanic kids like me will ever get to a vegetable, right, Saint Reagan?

I then googled the forgotten president, "Ford tells Congress," and got a timeline from the Presidential library web site for Gerald Ford.

"In his final State of the Union Address, Ford tells Congress and the American People, 'I can report that the state of the union is good. There is room for improvement, as always, but today we have a more perfect Union than when my stewardship began.'" 1/12/77

Not really what I was looking for; again--Ford didn't try to tell Congress what to do. He did, however, do one thing that interested me:

"Ford urges financial restraint and a financial review for New York City during its budget crisis. Ford refuses to support Federal help for New York at this time. He proposes bankruptcy legislation to ensure the City undergoes an orderly default process. On November 26, 1975, after he believes city leaders have begun to adequately address the crisis, he authorizes Congress to extend the City a line of credit." 10/29/75

I'm sure New Yorkers like DCap and FranIAm will remember this, but I was in fifth grade then so I didn't. But just imagine: refusing to bail out a broke institution until they show some initiative on their own! Such fiscal responsibility is absent in Chimpy's reign.
Would that republicans these days were so loathe to just throw money around and do massive bailouts.

I also found this on the same site:

"In what the press dubs the 'Halloween Massacre,' President Ford orders a reorganization of his cabinet. He names Donald Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary, Elliot Richardson as Commerce Secretary, George Bush as CIA Director, and Richard Cheney as White House Chief of Staff. Henry Kissinger remains Secretary of State; however, he turns over his duties as National Security Advisor to Brent Scowcroft." 11/74/75

The irony makes me cringe: Rumsfeld, Bush, Cheney, Scowcroft -- the architects of today's biggest disasters. And of all people to put them into power, a clumsy and ineffectual seat-warmer of a president.

Some days, researching just makes me sad.

I've been committed!

Photo courtesy of Laura H Somewhere in NJ -- yes, Kat is really tall. And really hot!

The commitment ceremony was incredible; thank you so much for your good wishes! There must've been at least 500 people there, cheering us on, which was really insane. I've never shaken so many hands and hugged so many people in all my life, many of whom I didn't even know but they were there to support all the couples. State College is just such a nice bastion of liberals in the sea of red we call Pennsylvania.

Here's a list of links you can follow to read the local (and not-so-local) coverage of the event:

Local TV Channel 6 coverage

PSU's paper's coverage

Some other web site's coverage

Centre Daily Times coverage (State College's newspaper)

Altoona Mirror coverage

YouTube - Pride Commitment Ceremony at Penn State University -- these kids and their internets

The official site for the event -- contains stories about a lot of the pre-event publicity, both positive and not-so-positive

I'm supposed to get a bunch of photos from the million different photographers who were covering the event, so I'll post more photos when I get them!

To politics...

Obama was here on Sunday, but after the madhouse of downtown on Saturday, we just didn't have the energy to go and see him. I read this morning that he drew about 22,000 people! Bill Clinton was here on Thursday night, but I had to go to (of all things) calculus class! Dangit!

What a weekend. As fun as it was, we're all kinda glad it's over. I haven't had much sleep since last week!

Signing off for the Big Day

Hello, my little reader! I just wanted to let you know that The Kat and I are doing the commitment ceremony thing this weekend, so I'm taking tomorrow off work and I probably won't be on the interwebs again until Monday or Tuesday. We're having some out-of-town guests who are arriving tomorrow, so I really need to finish tidying up the Marsh House, doing some laundry (and hanging it around the living room), and the like.

Here are a few random thoughts kicking around my head today:

The media coverage has been fun, but those reporter's cameras add forty pounds, especially around the chin area.

I'm very proud of our statement about why we're participating in this event:

We decided to participate in this ceremony because our consciences demand that we not remain silent while same-sex couples are denied the basic legal protections afforded to opposite-sex couples. Through this ceremony, we declare that our love, caring, and respect for each other form an enduring commitment that should be recognized, protected, and celebrated. Having been together for over six years, raising a child with the support of wonderful members of our family of choice, we show that families headed by same-sex partners are already a reality. For our families and allies who are silenced in every community and every culture within America, we will stand and declare our love publicly on March 29th.

I'm getting a little bit nervous, but overall I'm feeling pretty happy and confident that the ceremony will be a lot of fun. I'm really looking forward to seeing The Kat in her wedding dress and combat boots! This is it, only the trim color is more like the background, a pale blue that matches the shirt I'm wearing under my silver-gray suit.

So--I hope BushCo doesn't bomb Iran over the weekend or anything.

Love ya!

Look out, mine enemies...

...lest I kill you with my magic finger-fu that I learned from this bald guy:

yala yala yemshi! baga waga boopshi!

I wave this shiv near you as a curse from the demons of Moogooshu!

Die a fiery death! I mean it!

No, seriously!

Aw, forget it--
you're not worth the effort.

h/t to the one and only Princess Sparkle Pony

If I were talking like a pirate...

...then this makes sense:

Aaarrrhh!

FunTime Activities

Ooh -- look at this -- it's possible that I might be able to earn some "cool" points from this!

Um, why, yes!--that was me, watchin' that bird and edgimacatin' the ladies....

War: the enemy of true liberty

“Of all the enemies of true liberty, war is, perhaps, the most to be dreaded, because it comprises and develops the germ of every other. War is the parent of armies; from these proceed debts and taxes; and armies, and debts, and taxes are the known instruments for bringing the many under the domination of the few. In war, too, the discretionary power of the Executive is extended; its influence in dealing out offices, honors and emoluments is multiplied; and all the means of seducing the minds, are added to those of subduing the force, of the people.” James Madison, qtd. in Nemesis

With these words ringing in my ears for the last few weeks, I decided to participate in the Blogswarm against the War. However, because I read Madison’s words in another book, Chalmers Johnson's Nemesis: The Last Days of the American Republic, I’m combining my Blogswarm efforts with my book-reviewing duties for the Spring Reading Challenge. I hope you don’t mind my squishing two mosquitoes with one slap. (I’m a birder, so I don’t kill birds with stones or any other objects!)
If knowing more about the future can make that future easier to face, then Chalmers Johnson’s Nemesis is helpful, but frightening at the same time. The book was published in 2006, and because George W. Bush’s assault on the Constitution and his ill-fated war of lies in Iraq/Afghanistan have only escalated since then, the book is as timely now as it was two years ago. Unless we turn away from this endless war, we can say goodbye to our freedoms and to our democracy.

The first two books in Johnson’s unintended trilogy, Blowback and The Sorrows of Empire, explained the development of the United States into an empire; Johnson summarizes the themes of those books to make Nemesis a freestanding and complete analysis of why the U.S. is in the state it’s in. The author then makes the case for how our empire will destroy our democracy unless we turn from our imperial ambitions and repair the tatters Bush has made of our Constitution.

Johnson highlights many of Bush’s actions and words to show the insanity and lust for power that have gripped our White House. The book is heavily researched with a huge section for the notes and citations to back up Johnson’s assertions. Here are two especially frightening passages that show Bush’s true colors:

“According to Richard Clarke, the former counterterrorism chief for both Presidents Clinton and Bush, who was there, Bush entered the room and said, ‘I want you all to understand that we are at war and we will stay at war until this is done. Nothing else matters. Everything is available for the pursuit of this war. Any barriers in your way, they’re gone. Any money you need, you have it. This is our only agenda.’ In the ensuing discussion, according to Clarke, ‘Secretary Rumsfeld noted that international law allowed the use of force only to prevent future attacks and not for retribution. Bush nearly bit his head off. 'No,' the president yelled in the narrow conference room, 'I don’t care what the international lawyers say, we are going to kick some ass.’”

[snip]

“'I had to show the American people the resolve of a commander in chief that [sic] as going to do whatever it took to win. No yielding. No equivocation. No, you know, lawyering this thing to death, that we’re after ’em. And that was not only for domestic, for the people at home to see. It was also vitally important for the rest of the world to watch.”

And this man constantly asks, "Why do they hate us?" Gee, I wonder why! But can we really be surprised by any of Bush’s actions, after he called our Constitution—the statement of our rights as citizens—“just a goddamned piece of paper?" Clearly, his words revealed his true attitude, that he was king, dictator, and "decider." Yet he wasn't impeached; he was allowed to tear up that "goddamned piece of paper," and we are now living with the consequences.

The scariest parts of the book deal with just why the legislative and judicial branches have failed to stop Bush from turning the executive branch into a royal throne with himself as king. In short—Congress is corrupt, and the judicial benches are full of loyal Bush appointees who will protect Bush and his agenda for years to come. We citizens can complain and blog and write our congresspeople forever, but Bush and his cronies have ensured that own their will is obeyed. They’re simply not listening to us anymore; they’re too busy making money and espousing the empty ideologies of the neo-con movement as their justification. Congress and the Judiciary will not stop him. Thus, as Johnson says, "If the United States has neither the means nor the will to overcome this crisis, then we have entered the last days of the republic."

It’s both repugnant and sad to think that people would sell out democracy, their fellow countrymen, and their own souls for money. But as Johnson proves time and again in Nemesis, that's exactly what's happened in our country. Until and unless we citizens put a stop to it, our endless war will be the death of our democracy, and Emperor George will fiddle while it burns.

Read more Blogswarm against the war posts.

I'm not Bush, but I play him on the campaign trail

How much is McCain counting on his impersonation of Chimpy to win votes? Let's examine some of his remarks from the campaign trail and see how he compares to the Chimpy Formula for Success!, of which there are three parts:

1. Scare the shit out of people by claiming that an attack is imminent unless ______ (fill in whatever the fuck the Emperor wants here).

2. Assert a direct connection between Iran and the violence in Iraq (don't bother to offer any proof, of course; just say it like you mean it and rest assured that the "liberal media" will report it as FACT. Remember, you might want to bomb bomb bomb Iran next).

3. Pretend we're actually "winning" against the turrists (again, no evidence necessary--just use a cliche like "smoke 'em out" or "bring it on").

By the numbers, then:

1. John McGeezer is now worried that al Qaeda will try to affect our November election.

McCain, at a town hall meeting in this Philadelphia suburb, was asked if he had concerns that al Qaeda or other groups in Iraq might intensify their operations to try to increase casualties in the autumn and influence the November election.

"Yes, I worry about it," McCain said. "And I know they pay attention because of the intercepts we have of their communications ... The hardest thing in warfare is to counter someone or a group of individuals who are willing to take their own lives in order to take others."

The funniest part of this whole equation is that the repugs are the ones who led us into this goatfuck, yet they claim they're strong on defense! But he knows what the turrists are up to-- thanks to all those wiretapped phone calls, I guess. My favorite point, however, would have to be the last line about "the hardest thing in warfare." Um--Senator McOldMan?--isn't that pretty much what EVERYONE does when they go to war? All fighters in a war must be willing to give up their own lives to take the lives of the enemy; that's pretty much how a war goes, McBrain. One would think you'd know that.

2. The oh-so-completely-unsupported assertions of Iran's no-goodniks causing trouble:

"We still have the most lethal explosive devices coming across the border from Iran into Iraq. We still have suicide bombers landing at the airport in Damascus and coming into Iraq as we speak. So I would not be surprised if they make an attempt. I believe we can counter most of it as we are countering them," he said.

"as we speak" all this stuff is happening! This guy knows everything! And note how eloquently he delivers his knowledge: "I believe we can counter most of it as we are countering them." WTF?

3. But never fear, because victory is at hand!

He said is concerned "they might be able to carry out some spectacular suicide attacks but we do have them on the run."

By "on the run" do you mean that a year after you had to wear your Kevlar vest in that Iraqi marketplace, now you don't have to wear the vest on this trip? Let's go to the photo evidence:

Photo credit: Master Sgt. Andy Dunaway/U.S. Air Force, via Associated Press

Oh -- guess not.

Another stupid and arrogant Bushie

John Bolton, who's pretty much one of the few guys who's Chimpy's equal on the arrogance scale, says this as Cheney visits Iraq:

“He’s got enormous credibility there, and is able to say to them in words of one syllable that they need to get their act together,” John Bolton, the former UN ambassador, said.

What does that even mean? "is able to say to them in words of one syllable that they need to get their act together"

I can only conclude that Big Dick's one syllable communique went something like this:

Fuck. You. I'm. Still. Rich. Now. Fuck. Off. And. Die. And. I. Do. Mean. DIE. Then. Give. Us. Your. Oil. Or. Else.

Meanwhile, Cheney had this to add:

Oh wait. The horse's ass didn't say a damned thing.

The latest stupid Chimpy statement

This is rich:

“I must say, I’m a little envious,” Bush said. “If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed.”

“It must be exciting for you … in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger. You’re really making history, and thanks,” Bush said.

Apparently, lacking any real war experience despite his claim to be a "war president" and his oh-so-dangerous Vietnam deployment to Alabama, Chimpy thinks war looks more like this:

than this:

(AP Photo/Khalid Mohammed)

Real fucking romantic. If only he WERE "not employed here," none of this shit would be happening.

Crime doesn't pay!

Some psycho kid actually kidnapped (bun-napped?) another guy's bunny! Just to get the guy to pay back a hundred-dollar loan.

I can't even imagine what I'd do if I came home and the little Nibble didn't run up to greet me.... It kinda makes me tear up just to think about it.

Here's Nibble now, maxin' and relaxin':

The last meme--I mean it!

Fran tagged me to do a six-word memoir meme. I think this is going to be the last meme I do--it gets kinda old after a while. Besides, Fred (the cat who loves you guys) doesn't do memes at all--so I gotta align with that uber-cool feline.

So I have to write my memoir in only six words. So many subjects come to mind: birds, nature, love, The Kat, The Kid... but I think I'll go with

DOES NOT PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS

I tag no one! Be free!

WTF?

I thought Eliot Spitzer was a good guy. WTF?

Damn those memes!

Randal at L'ennui melodieux has tagged me with the 7 random facts meme--the meme that just wouldn't die!

So--here are the rules:
List 7 random things about yourself that people may not know.Link the person who sent this to you, and leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.Post the rules on your blog.Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

And now--what random things don’t you know about me?

1. I often have vivid dreams in color. I even remark on the colors of things in my dreams, so I know they’re in color, despite what I’ve read and heard that we all dream in black and white.

2. I’ve never had the mumps, measles, chicken pox, or flu. Just lucky, I guess. Of course, now when someone even mentions the chicken pox, I have a total flip-out and start interrogating them about whether someone they know has it, have they been exposed, etc. I sure don’t want to get it now, or I’d probably end up in the hospital!

3. Until the age of 36, I had never been east of Houston, Texas.

4. When I was little, I used to like to sleep only in my pajama pants, no shirt. After bath-time, I would put on the pants, slick my wet hair back like Ron Ely, and race around the house pretending to be Tarzan. (complete with beating on my chest like an ape) My mother always made me put on the shirt before I went to bed, though. Now, I hate to sleep without a shirt on, for some reason, but I do still slick the hair back sometimes.

5. I’m very much the introvert when it comes to meeting people, and I have very few close friends. My introversion (which some would call “social anxiety disorder” and prescribe medicine for… uh -- heh heh?) was one of the big reasons I quit teaching. It was too much like being on stage every day.

6. I can finish an NYT crossword puzzle alone—even the weekend ones. And yet I suck at Scrabble.

7. My many jobs/careers: sacker at grocery store, Domino’s Pizza cook, teaching college English, lay-about, retail sales/management, graphic design, managing editor at a trade non-fiction publisher, more graphic design and business-forms production, Domino’s Pizza driver, staffing agency recruiter, business-to-business sales, and marketing clerk. (I think that’s everything…?)

I am reluctant to tag anyone, let alone seven freakin' people, so I'll just say -- those of you who have random facts to reveal -- I will not say you "nay!"

Happy Birthday to you!

I want to wish a very happy 37th birthday to my wonderful adopted actor Rachel Weisz. Look how happy she is!

Oh my GOODNESS, young lady! It may be your birthday, but do you really think it's wise to wear a BRA as a top? I mean, the paparazzi love you now, but imagine if you have a few bomb movies -- how quickly they forget the Academy Awards and start dog-piling on you with pictures of you slobbed out or on pills and ready to snap!

Be a good girl now, and save that kind of thing for the privacy of your bedroom.

Monkeys have it tough

First, Dr. Zaius's running mate, the pistol-packing Germaine Gregarious tries to swing our young Dr. Monkey von Monkerstein onto the railroad tracks, now this!

A careless and callous zoo worker abuses our skinny little Monkerstein as well!

Perhaps the next president of these United States should hire a bodyguard.

Recaptioned Condi pic

h/t to Princess Sparkle Pony for the photo

Condi: Okay, now, ya'll, like we gotta really show our spirit like this week for the football team! Yeah! They're like playing really really hard, and like we gotta show 'em how much like spirit we have and stuff! Yay!

Tzipi: This is like a nightmare.

"Fun with a purpose!"

After reading what was probably the funniest post ever written--Princess Sparkle Pony’s star turn on Wonkette, discussing Condi and the Anti-Condi Diplamazon Ursula Plassnik, done in the classic Goofus and Gallant contrast method developed by "Highlights Magazine"--I was emailing back and forth with the wonderful FranIAm about my love of that post and of Goofus and Gallant and “Highlights.” (Remember Hidden Pictures? I loved that bit!) She told me this morning that she found a current issue of "Highlights," complete with a modern version of Goofus and Gallant!

All this talk of Goofus and Gallant reminded me of my own Goofus/Gallant moment when I was a child. I was probably 8 or 9 years old, and I’d accidentally knocked a vase off my mom’s dresser. My first thought, of course, was to deny it and/or blame my brother. However, for some insane reason, I remembered that Gallant would've owned up to something like this and then his mom would've respected him for telling the truth. I wanted that kind of respect!

So little Delia told her mother right away about the vase, and what do you think happened? Yup. I got in trouble. I think I was even spanked for playing in my mom's room. The whole while, I was thinking, "This isn't how it happened in ‘Highlights!’"

G&G from 1980

So I wonder what Goofus and Gallant would look like in 2008. Let’s imagine together…

Goofus plays his iPod so freakin' loud that the headphone leakage bothers his classmates -- Gallant keeps the volume on his iPod low and only plays soothing music like Enya, so he can focus on his studies.

Goofus answers his cellphone in the restaurant and he never turns it off during movies or church -- Gallant keeps his cell on "vibrate" at all times, so he doesn't disturb others.

Goofus doesn’t give a shit about the homeless – Gallant has gone to New Orleans twice to help rebuild homes in the Ninth Ward.

Whoa--I think Splotchy is Gallant! Now I love him even more.

Fran even added a few of her own!
Goofus mocks gay people - Gallant starts a Straight Gay Alliance

Goofus supports torture - Gallant protests against Guantanamo

Goofus steals blog content - Gallant gives link love and h't's.

Goofus listens to Rush Limbaugh- Gallant reads Impeachment and other dreams

Many times when I was a kid, I believed I was more of a Goofus than a Gallant, always getting in trouble for my over-curious messing with stuff. (Remember when I took apart your alarm clock, Mommy?) I wasn't trying to be a Goofus, but like the toast that lands jelly-side down, things often just happened. But if modern-day Goofus is a wingnut--then I'll go with Gallant!

Fran also sent me some actual content from the "Highlights" she found:

Goofus hogs the ball in soccer but Gallant is a team player!

Goofus wipes his mouth on his sleeve - Gallant says "please pass the napkins."

She also added kids’ comments!

"I felt like Goofus when I waited until I was told to make my bed." Taisi, 10, American Samoa

"I felt like Gallant when I finished all of my homework before I played." Helena, 8, New Jersey

Can you believe these kids? How sweet is that. Makes me have hope for the future.

P.S.--You might also enjoy this take on G&G.

Hillary kicks some ass, but it is enough?

After convincing wins in Ohio (54% to 44%) and Rhode Island (58% to 40%, and hey, it may be tiny but it counts!), and a close win in Texas (51% to 47%), Hillary Clinton might just have put a dent into Barack Obama's momentum. So was last night enough?

Before I answer, I think it's necessary to clarify: "enough" what, exactly?

First, Clinton managed to stop Obama's freight-train-like roll; I wasn't sure that was possible. Chalk one up for Hillary there.

Her "terrify people" commercial with the phone ringing at 3am--terror uses a phone?--must have had some impact on the voters in the states where Clinton won last night; further, she's got strong support among hispanics, women, the elderly, and what Carpetbagger's Report calls "whites without college educations." These groups must've come out big for Hillary.

But before we go calling her the Comeback Kid like we did her husband in 1992, we need to look at the delegates tally: 1,562-1,461. That's 101 delegates' worth of difference, despite the big wins and the potential momentum swing. The whole delegates issue is as sore a subject with me as the electoral college--both systems deny the power of the popular vote (don't they, Mr. Gore?). I don't like that at all.

So does Clinton have enough time--and enough remaining support--to catch up and knock Obama out? I am tempted to say yes, and to see this as a definite shift, a change that will give Clinton the momentum she needs to right her ship. A definite benefit for me is that she's more likely to still be on the ballot in April, when I finally get to vote.

But I'm also realistic. Obama's got a hundred more delegates that Clinton. That's not good. And she's still surrounded by idiots like Penn. Again, not good.

Still, I believe she knows how to fight; she's goal-oriented and driven.

I hope it's enough.

Chimpy writes some thank-you notes

Oh, hey there, Amurkans. I’m jest settin’ down to write me some thanky notes to summa mah friends who’ve helped Amurka! Mah first one’s to the telly-com people who’s bin helpin' me listen in on all the shit that’s goin’ down out there in turrist-land, ay kay ay ever’where:
Yo, tellycoms dudes,
Thank you for doing your patriotic duty and helping defend Amurka after 9/11! Most people think it’s them soldiers out there in Eye-raq and Afghanistan who’s doin’ the fightin, but you and me both know it’s all about readin’ Jow Blow's emails and listenin’ to Jane Blow's phone calls, and fuck warrants! Don’t you worry 'bout that Congress lawsuit bullshit neither. I got it under control.
Love,
George
PS—just put yer usual deposit amount in mah bank, thanks!


That was fun! Now fer mah pals the Ay-rabs. Those fuckers know how to party! Shee-it, the stories Ah could tell ya… Anyway, me and Dick and them are tight ’cuz we’re all oil men. I know pretty much how they're feelin', not wantin' to increase their output. Ah mean, back when Ah wuz runnin' my company, Ah couldn't increase mah oil output neither, seein's how we never found any oil. Anyways...

Dear Bandar Bush,

Thanks a bunch for continuin’ to fuck the Amurkan taxpayers on gas prices. I shore know how hard it is to find oil, and if ya’ll don’t wanna lower them prices, well, hey—Ah understand ’cuz Ah’m a MBA from Harvard! You demand the dollars, we supply ’em! And it all evens out in the end when you give me and Daddy and Big Dick big bonuses fer keeping ya’ll in Mercedes Benzes and BMW limos!

Let’s hold hands again soon, love,
George.

It's shore a lotta fun havin' ya'll peek into mah affairs durin' the day. Well, bye fer now, and see ya at the bar!

McCain the alien

Man, does this guy look old or what? His skin looks like paper.

I've heard of only two TV reports handling the question of whether John McCain is a "natural-born citizen" of the US as demanded by the Constitution: once on the Today show (hard-hitting journalism!) and a fleeting mention on CNN today. (Thank GOD someone in the work cafeteria changed it off Faux for a few minutes; but never fear! someone changed it right back)

My guess on this is that it's just much ado about nothing; back in prehistoric time when McGeezer was hatched, the Panama Canal Zone was considered US soil. (By the way, you can read an interesting take on the entire Panama Canal Zone issue in John Perkins' Confessions of an Economic Hitman.)

I googled "McCain natural born" and got a few hits, including this one from the UK's Times. What do you think: Does this story have any chance of taking hold? Does it signal the potential return of Mittens?

A peak into the personal life

Big changes are coming -- in the form of a commitment ceremony performed by State College mayor Bill Welch right on the Penn State campus in downtown State College! Being the politically active and loving couple that we are, The Kat and I volunteered to be one of six same-sex couples who will participate in this ceremony.

We're really excited about it, having talked often about getting married. The Kid is excited beyond belief, as the ceremony will take place during her spring break.

Of course, some people are not as happy about this as we are. For some reason, a bunch of baptists in Altoona (about 40 miles away from State College) are getting a petition together to stop this atrocity. The funniest thing about the protest is that Bill Welch has already refused to change his mind on this issue. The guy knows that his base--the staunch liberals here in State College--will support him on this, and a bunch of people from Altoona have no say in his political future.

The whole thing will take place in the HUB, the student center on campus. The LGBT Graduate Student Coalition came up with this idea and has gotten local businesses to donate flowers, food, and decorations for the event.

Kat's come up with some neat ideas, like having each of us make some sort of statement about why we're participating, what the ceremony means to us personally and politically, etc. which I think will be neat.

Still, these crazy baptists are trying to elicit the support of baptist churches all over the country, so I'm wondering if the national news will pick up on the story. Maybe it'll even be on Fox Nazi Channel!

I haven't decided whether to tell my parents or not; they've already said they wouldn't come to any sort of wedding for us, but at least they've accepted Kat and like her, which is an improvement. I probably won't tell them. However, if you happen to see a story in your newspaper, now you can laugh and say, "Hey--I know someone who's going to be in that ceremony!

Old business on Fox Nazi Channel

Am I the only one who, forced to watch Faux "news" channel at work, noticed their election ads that ended with the tagline, "The most powerful name in politics"? Since when did a "news" network claim they were in politics? Since Fox, obviously. However, before I remembered to mention this crazy ad to you, loyal reader, I noticed yesterday that their latest ad ends with "The most powerful name in news."

I guess if you've decided you're going to lie for a living, you're going to live for lying--all the damned time. They even claim in these ads to be the "Number One news source." Of course, they just said that, with no further qualification or clarification or documentation. Guess maybe they're number one in Brit Hume's book.

Speaking of Brit Hume, didn't he used to be a legitimate reporter for one of the major networks, maybe ABC? Was he always a partisan moron or did he just sell out when Faux came along?

Lol-buns and poetry

By request, here is my attempt at lol-catting William Carlos Williams' "The Red Wheelbarrow" for our Aunt Dahlia:



Teh red weel barrow

I’m in
ur

red weel
barrow

feelin ur
rain

pettin ur
chickz.

This one's for you, CDP!

Any T.S. Eliot fans out there? Let me hear from ya!

I love T.S. Eliot, despite his misogynistic views and generally pedantic assholery, and "The Waste Land" is a showpiece of modern poetry. Imagine my delight, then, when I found this.
Check it out; here's a hint of what you'll see:

i seez cumean sybil
sybil can has bukkit?
sybil wantz DIE

© 2007 Corprew Reed, some rights reserved.

Rollin' with the homies

All the cool kids are doing the blogroll in the post thing, and I wanna be a cool kid, so:

a- FranIAm
Aunt Dahlia (CDP)
Axis of Evel Knievel (history)
Bad Tempered Zombie from Canada!
Bells On
Brilliant at Breakfast
Bub's Sprawling Ramshackle Compound
DCup's Politits
Death Wore a Feathered Mullet
Dependable Renegade
Distributor Cap in NY
Divine Democrat
Dr Monkey von Monkerstein for President
I Was Just Wondering
I, Splotchy
Jonestown, where hilarity ensues
Karen Zipdrive's Pulp Friction
Matty Boy's Lotsa 'Splainin'
Nina's Nature Remains
PoP's Morning Martini
Princess Sparkle Pony
Randal's L'ennui-melodieux
Sorghum Crow, whom I love
Spartacus' Saturday Evening Post
Tengrain's Greatness-Mock Paper Scissors
Think Progress
Truthout
Two Minutes in the Box (Hockey Hottie!)
When Will I Use This?
Whiskeymarie
wonkette
Zaius Nation

And remember, just because you vote for a monkey for president, it doesn't mean you're not cool. In fact it means you're totally cool. Cool enough to play hockey, even.

As if bashing Hillary and Barack isn't enough...

Now this!
That damned Onion!

Prepare to get angry at me

I'm writing this post knowing that some of you might get a little ticked off at me. But please--hear me out.

One of the reasons I can’t stand listening to BushCo and people like Limbaugh, Beck, O’Reilly, Kristol, etc. is that these people willfully ignore the truth, spouting bold-faced lies and ridiculous statements that their supporters accept unquestioningly and then parrot back as “fact.” Logical appeals are wasted on most repugs; they deny the validity of any numbers, studies, or other factual information that proves them wrong, claiming it’s biased or (worse yet) just a fabrication of the “liberal media.” Ethical appeals are equally in vain, for the simple reason that anyone who still supports BushCo or their brand of “conservatism” has pretty much lost any sense of right and wrong, good and bad. Emotional appeals become the fodder for mAnn Coulter-style vituperative attacks on what the repugs call “whiny” “bleeding-heart” “dirty hippie” “hopelessly naïve” progressive philosophies.

So I avoid conservative blogs; I try to ignore the Fox Nazi Channel when it’s on in the cafeteria at work. Why listen to these people’s lies and get my blood pressure up?

Lately, however, I’ve noticed an equally frustrating trend as this battle between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton continues. I’ve been pretty open about the fact that I've never really liked Obama, as his “change we can believe in” platitudes, lack of specifics, and what I perceive as his genuine INsincerity struck me from the first time I saw him speak and read his book. That said, now there’s this flap over his alleged plagiarism of several people’s speeches, talking points, and even strategic plans. People on both sides of the issue are claiming they’re right, and it’s starting to get ugly.

NOTE: I’m not mentioning any names or linking to any blogs, because I don’t want to piss anyone off or spotlight anyone in particular. So even if you start to think I might be talking about you in the rest of this post, please just read on with an open mind.

What surprises—and scares—me is how the level of rhetoric between the people who support Obama and the people who believe Obama is indeed “borrowing” ideas and words from others is fast becoming bitter and angry, and not a little unlike the wingnuts' defense of their Prezdint-Decider-Guy. Just yesterday, I read a comments exchange on one of my favorite blogs between two people who normally get along very well. One of them was attacking Hillary Clinton, while the other was asking, “but what do you have to say about these examples of Obama’s plagiarism?” It went on and on, increasing in fury, and I felt really weird – like I was reading an exchange between a repug and a dem, not two dems who just support different dem candidates.

On another of my favorite blogs, an Obama supporter basically claimed that anyone who doesn't support Obama is an old racist fogey. WTF?

It’s gotten to the point where people--even people I consider to be open-minded, progressives who truly live in reality--are fervently denying or ignoring the reality of the many instances where it does indeed look like Obama has been taking the words and ideas of others and passing them off as his own, which is how I used to define “plagiarism” to my students when I taught college English. Many people whose opinions I value and whose judgment I respect are still squarely behind Obama, defending him with a fury not unlike that of some repug friends of mine defending their Chimp-in-Chief. Again, I ask--WTF?

Now maybe I’m just wrong about all this. Maybe I’m just reading Obama wrong, and he really is a true man of the people, a populist who will change the direction this country is going with a bold new vision that he just hasn't yet outlined the specifics of yet. After all, the guy’s a noted expert on constitutional law, right? Who better to restore the rights we’ve had stripped away from us by BushCo?

And maybe this whole “plagiarism” thing is really just a figment of Hillary’s imagination, and John Edwards’ imagination, and indeed the MSM’s imagination.

And maybe when Obama supporters rigorously defend their man, they’re just fighting for the truth and their ardor should be admired, not questioned by the likes of me—and it certainly shouldn’t even be thought of in the same league as the reich-wingers’ defense of their repug candidates and president.

Maybe I’m just being completely unfair and delusional about this whole issue.

And yet…

And yet I still can’t get behind Obama. I still feel like he isn’t offering any specifics for how he’ll change things, like he’s a marvelous and dynamic speaker who has inspired many but may deliver nothing if elected, whether due to his inexperience, his naivete, his own ties to some of the same corporate coffers as he accuses Hillary of having, or his nice-guy personality.

And I still can’t help but feel like people who support him are ignoring the lack of substance behind the “dream” and the “hope” rhetoric Obama espouses so eloquently.

I’m not pointing any fingers, and I’m not trying to call anyone an “Obama-nut” or anything. I’m just trying to understand how we all got so bitter so fast.

The book meme

That Divine Democrat, the Flying Nunly, tagged me (fortunately not on the noggin) to do a book meme in which I:

1. Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more.

2. Find page 123.

3. Find the first 5 sentences and read them.

4. Post the next 3 sentences. (I'll add here that I'm going to post the next 4 sentences because I'm a cheater.)

The book I'm reading right now is One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn, so it's right by my bed. You know, I just remembered this second that I was supposed to read this book for a world literature survey course a million years ago in grad school. I didn't... but then I didn't read a lot of stuff I was supposed to read. More True Confessions of an English major.

Anyway--I'm reading this book now, and then I'll read the others we have by this author on the shelf (thanks to Kat's minor in Russian) after having re-read some favorite sections of his masterpiece, Gulag Archipelago, to write my "Warning Shots" post a little farther down this page. And so... to page 123. Hmm... ah yes, someone's just been told to come to the front of the prisoner formation by the guards at the work camp:

The Moldavian did so. He was ordered to stand there, his arms behind his back.

That meant that they were going to charge him with attempting to escape. They'd put him in the cells."

Earlier in the book, we're told by the guards that "A step to right or left is considered an attempt to escape and the escort has orders to shoot without warning." I'm only on page 72, so I don't know if the Moldavian stepped out of the column to the left or the right, only that he is about to be put into "the cells," like "the hole" in American prison movies, a tiny confinement cell in which you're given even less food than normal.

I don't know whether he is ever mentioned again; I skimmed down the rest of page 123 and 124 and didn't see another word about him. But then, maybe that's the point. He goes to the cells and that's it; he's never heard from again. Not on that day, or any other day, in the life of Ivan Denisovich Shukhov.

A look inside our government

Hey there, fellow Amurkins! I guess ya'll done caught me: Ah'm on mah way to make shore the Senate doesn't fuck me over on that domestic spyin' bill! Don't they know that the turrists are gonna come over here unless Ah kin read every dang e-mail and hear every phone call ya'll make? It's like they want the turrists to win! By the way, Hank Greene in Peoria, ya better stop talkin' to yer maw that way on the phone, ya asshole.


Let's go in here and talk some sense into these bloated wasteful spenders!













Lookie here, it's mah buddy Harry Reid! Hey, Hairy Reedpecker, how's it hangin'!? Heh heh--they love it when Ah talk all bi-partisan with 'em! Heh heh, right, Hairy?














And hey, that Nancy Pelloony or whatever her name is, is here too! Hey there! I luv how she always helps me out with mah legislatin'. Sometimes, Ah think she kinda "likes" me, you know whut Ah mean?



See here?

She once told me she had a secret that only Ah could hear, and she tried to git me to look at her pearls, if ya know what Ah mean!


Ah told her Ah'z married and all, and she better get back to her seat before Ah had to pray fer her!






Ah mean, lookit what Ah got waitin' fer me back at the Oval Office:

Whoa, okay--she looks kinda scary there...





















Anyway, Ah got somethin' to say to ya'll do-nothin' congresspeople!








Here's how it's gonna be: Ah'm the decider, and I decide what goes 'round here. The sooner ya'll get that, the sooner we'll get to be bi together! Bi-partisan, that is! heh heh heh!




















Now we're gonna pray! Oh heavenly father... not my stupid asshole father on earth who thought he was soooo smart and I was soooo dumb, and he thought Jeb is the smart one, Jeb is the purty one, Jeb is the one who's gonna be prezdint! Well, Ah showed you, you damned half-wit!
Amen!


















Now if you assholes don't do what Ah say, I'll grab holt of yer little danglins like this, with the tips of mah fingers, and then Ah'll squeeze the shit out of 'em! Ya'll comprende? That there's Spainish, that Ah learnt from mah mexican maid Cha-cha.


Now, shut up and gimme another $75 million.

Warning shots

Recently, I watched the excellent film Why We Fight, which focused on Eisenhower's last speech the day before he left office -- you know the one, where he warned us about the military-industrial complex. Prophetic words, words of warning--uttered by someone who knew what he was talking about:

This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence -- economic, political, even spiritual -- is felt in every city, every State house, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together....

As we peer into society's future, we -- you and I, and our government -- must avoid the impulse to live only for today, plundering, for our own ease and convenience, the precious resources of tomorrow. We cannot mortgage the material assets of our grandchildren without risking the loss also of their political and spiritual heritage. We want democracy to survive for all generations to come, not to become the insolvent phantom of tomorrow.

But did people listen? Nope. They were too busy having babies and getting rich and trashing the environment. Meanwhile, the Lockheeds and the Grummans and the Boeings built their empires quietly, rejoicing when like-minded greedy assholes like Reagan and Bush (both of them) took over and raped our country's treasury for their military-industrial friends. Congressional dems may bitch and moan about not giving any more blank checks for the war, yet when it comes time to stand up or shut up, they've given Bush every penny he's asked for and more. John Murtha may be against the war, but he's the first one in line to vote for more military spending so his constituents will stay happy, keep their military-related jobs, and elect him to another term.

Going a little farther back and to another country's history, Alexandr Solzhenitzyn gave us some words of warning too, and I fear they may prove prophetic as well. I want to quote a little bit of his Gulag Archipelago (Part I, Chapter 1, "Arrested"), in which he speaks about the docility of the Russian masses during Stalin's purges: (note: all italics are his)

The majority sit quietly and dare to hope. Since you aren't guilty, then how can they arrest you? It's a mistake! They are already dragging you along by the collar, and you still keep on exclaiming to yourself: "It's a mistake! They'll set things straight and let me out!" Others are being arrested en masse, and that's a bothersome fact, but in those other cases there is always a dark area: "Maybe he was guilty...!" But as for you, you are obviously innocent! You still believe the Organs are humanly logical institutions: they will set things straight and let you out.

Why, then, should you run away?...

And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if every Security operative, when he went out at night to make an arrest, had been uncertain whether he would return alive and had to say good-bye to his family? Or if, during periods of mass arrests, as for example in Leningrad, when they arrested a quarter of the entire city, people had not simply sat there in their lairs, paling with terror at every bang of the downstairs door and at every step on the staircase, but had understood they had nothing left to lose and had boldly set up in the downstairs hall an ambush of half a dozen people with axes, hammers, pokers, or whatever else was at hand?...

If... if... We didn't love freedom enough. And even more, we had no awareness of the real situation.... We purely and simply deserved everything that happened afterward.

Is that us, minus the Cheka (so far) to arrest us all en masse? If it came down to it, do we love our freedom enough to pick up whatever tool is at hand and fight for it, even in the face of the seemingly overwhelming crush of this wannabe fascist state? Or do we deserve to have our precious constitutional rights taken away, as Chimpy's signing statements and illegal wars and criminal eavesdropping continue? What will happen if the government names you or me or you neighbor an "enemy combatant" (based on an illegally wiretapped phone call or intercepted email), and the arrests begin?

Are there enough of us who care enough to fight?

Many times on this blog and on other blogs I read, we've wondered aloud whether Bush/Cheney will cede their little thrones in January 2009--or whether they'll even allow us to choose their successors this November.

Further, I've seen some pretty convincing evidence that the republican's Hillary-Hatred is so intense that were she the democratic nominee, the repubs would rather see Gomer Pyle (read: Fuckabee) take office than this woman. And don't even get me started on the "we're not ready for a black president" contingent.

Yesterday morning, PoP served up this little Morning Martini, asking what we'd do if we woke up to find that Geezer Walnuts McCain were our president. That's a bitter enough drink to swallow, but let me add a little shot of piss to the mix: what if he chose Dick Cheney or Condi Rice to be his VP?

I don't think the country can survive another republican presidency, or--more to the point--another presidency committed to whatever makes the corporate world and the military-industrial complex even richer, and just fuck the rest of us.

The warning shots have been fired, and they're still whizzing over our heads. Can you hear them?

UPDATE: Bush is now shooting off every gun in his arsenal.

Tennessee Tornadoes, and how to help

If you'd like to help out our friends to the South, please follow the links. UPDATE: You can also donate to your local Red Cross and earmark the funds for the tornado-torn areas.

I'm so confused!

Ever since I got hit in the head on Sunday night*, I just can’t wrap my brain around a few things:

1. The stinkin’ Giants won the Super Bowl? Are you fucking kidding me?

2. There are tornadoes in February? Isn't it too cold?

3. Bushco has been saying “we don’t do torture” all this time, but now in his final (we hope) and most "Ah kin do whatever the fuck Ah want!" year, he says they waterboard with his approval?

4. Mittens has spent over $36 million of his own money (not to mention whatever his campaign has generated), and he’s only winning in places like Alaska and Montana, but he’s still vowing to continue his campaign? The guy is getting beaten by Huckabee, for pete’s sake. Bow out NOW, Mittens, before you have to go on welfare and you find out how much it truly sucks to be poor—especially under BushCo.

5. Speaking of which, Huckabee’s still in the race? What kind of idiots would vote for this idiot?

6. How pathetic is it that McCain is at the top of the shitpile of repug candidates? Can a shitpile really have a top? Can’t we just have a system where they ALL lose? I mean, when Fuckabee can win ANY state, I think you just need to shut the whole fucking repug party down.

7. Hillary’s pro-death penalty? WTF?

8. Obama AND Clinton both support that ridiculous border wall idea?

9. I have to vote for one of these people in April? Oh John, John, come back, John!

*Yes, I hit my head with my drill the other night. I was using a large spade bit (for a project in the kitchen), and it was sticking a little, so I was really bearing down on the drill. Then the bit really stuck in the wood and the base of the drill (with the gigantic battery) swung around and hit me right above my eye. I didn’t pass out, but it hurt like a mo-fo. I was pretty much out of commission until late yesterday, as I was very sensitive to noise and light.

"at once brilliant and repugnant"

Distributorcap turned me on to a pretty funny Book Quiz, which has the distinction of being blurbed by none other than my old hometown paper, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: "One of the most sophisticated quizzes out there." AND somebody named Jennifer Weiner, whom the Book Quiz describes as "author of In Her Shoes" (never heard of it) made this hilarious overstatement:

"It's like it looked into my soul."

Indeed! How could I NOT take this quiz? Especially when Dcap was Crichton's Jurassic Park, a book that a teaching colleague of mine (back in the day) and I used as source material for an entire freshman composition course.

So, hoping that I too could be the embodiment of Ian Malcolm, Ellie Sattler, and a velociraptor, I took the quiz:

You're Ulysses!

by James Joyce

Most people are convinced that you don't make any sense, but compared to what else you could say, what you're saying now makes tons of sense. What people do understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once brilliant and repugnant. Meanwhile you are content to wander around aimlessly, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. What you see is vast, almost limitless, and brings you additional fame. When no one is looking, you dream of being a Greek folk hero.

Of all the crazy-ass books in the world, I get to be that monument to ponderous and boring literature???? Oh, the irony of it all....



... although I gotta admit -- the description actually sounds pretty fucking dead-on, almost creepily so. Holy shit, it IS like it looked into my soul! Maybe I ought to read In Her Shoes! And Ullyses, while I'm at it.