Terror alert!

In terror news today, take a peek at these horrifying photos, from someone's completely insane idea of a calendar called "Pretty in Mink: Conservative Leading Ladies." How fitting--dead animals on dead animals.

h/t to Princess Sparkle Pony, who OF COURSE had the goods first.

Let's take a look at a few of these "ladies" wearing their furry carcasses:

The caption for Lady JawsWiredShut talks about her best-sellers and punditry, and the fact that this coat is from "her personal wardrobe." Of course it is. Other "personal wardrobe" items include a studded leather collar (ick!) and ass-less chaps, which she was asked not to wear to the photo shoot.

On the right (ha ha), we have the most terrifying terror of them all, modeling her rock-fucking-stupid-deer-in-headlights look. GOD she makes me ill. Her stupid caption calls her, of ALL things, a "blogger, columnist, author, pundit, wife and mother who got her start as a newspaper journalist in 1992." BLOGGER is first? I thought all we bloggers were ruining the world and everything in it!! WTF? Bitch is just bitter because her grandpa lost the presidential race, I guess.

Next, we have two faces that could stop a clock:

Holy sharp-featured harpies, Batman. I don't even know who these "ladies" are, but my guess is that the one on the left could bring some serious hurt with that beak of hers.

Lastly, a fine contrast:

Veronica Lake-wannabe pollster Kellyanne Conway (who should really use a fucking space between her two first names--that's just annoying) vs. the Eyes-Cast-Downward-Just-As-They-Should-Be Star Parker. Why did the photog make her look like this? Why did the captioner write about her, "A former welfare mother who turned her life around, Star Parker is a champion of personal responsibility"?? Talk about being a tool for the trickle-down, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, but really just stay fucking poor but quit taking welfare Repugs. Like Sarah Palin, who has allowed herself to be a tool of the patriarchy in exchange for... well, for being ridiculed by people who've figured out she's a fucking idiot, this Star Parker person has allowed herself to be a tool of the Reaganaut greedy bloodsuckers of the right. What will she get in return, besides her status as the lone dark-skinned woman in this calendar? I'm shaking my head in pity for her.

And Conway looks positively constipated, rather than the retro-sexy they were obviously going for.

That's your terror alert for today, and today's terror alert level is BLOOD RED--for the slaughtered animals these bitches wore for this photo shoot. As a beautiful and sexy contrast, I give you the other side of the fur fight:

Mee-yow.

Burn out

1. Facebook
I think I'm getting kinda burned out on Facebook. It seems all I do is glance at the status updates, which are, admittedly, usually pretty funny; then I comment on a few statuses (stati?); then I check my inbox. I don't really get into all those applications like where you pass beers or get fish for your cove or whatever, so I have about 846 of those sitting in cyberspace. I should click "Ignore," but I fear that would be rude. Would it?

2. Work
I'd rather eat melamine than read that damned article one more time. It's been altered and adulterated by people the world over. Thank god my name's not on it. And the data-entry aspects of the job pretty much lost their luster on Day 2 of the job. So I'm sick of work. It's possible that this whole sickness is connected to #3, though...

3. Cold weather/no sunlight
If it's possible to be burned out on snow, then that's what I am. I need sunlight. I need warm temps. I want it to be 70 year-round. Perhaps I'm just already pre-adjusting to California or something, but I'm cranky in this snowy sleety weather. I miss wearing shorts. I hate scraping ice off my windshield every morning; it's a pain. I want to drive with my windows down and the wind in my hair! (ooh, I just had a brief happy moment!)

4. State College
Definitely pre-adjusting to not being here on this one, and I should probably stop it. I have a bad habit of living in the future world of "when _____ happens." My life has been a matter of waiting and seeing for about five or six years now. First it was waiting for Kat to get into grad school, then it was waiting for her to pick a school, then it was waiting to move, then waiting for her to graduate. Now it's waiting for Matty's job applications/interviews process. (And don't think I haven't noticed that the pronouns and names in that little list do NOT include "I," "me" or "my." Don't get all shrinky on me. Just listen to me complain, okay?) (Wow, I think some bitchiness just occurred inside those last paratheses. Sorry about that. Parentheses are obviously the tools of the devil.)
The good thing is that I'm waiting for something that will vastly improve my life and my outlook. Moving out of this beautiful but kinda hellish place will be a gift from the universe, believe me. This town is tiny, and it's very conservative. I long to live in or near a big city where there's diversity of all kinds. Small-town life is just not for me. So I have to be contented with waiting; it's only a matter of months now.

Okay--bitching session over. Feel free to go back to what you were doing.

P.S. -- See? I couldn't have done this on Facebook. Or at least in any way I know how to use Facebook.

Standing O or no...

Bye-bye, motherfucker!

Those idiots in the oh-so-hallowed halls of Congress may be disingenuous (read: stupid) enough to applaud you and your "career," but you're OUT all the same, you thieving lying ass-crack.

Six score and fifteen years ago

Abraham Lincoln delivered his address at Gettysburgh in 1863:

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

In an amazing display of spinelessness

and all-around stupidity, the democrats--who obviously either

(a) forgot they're in power

(b) forgot that Joe Lieberman is a power-hungry lying traitorous bastard

voted to let Lieberman keep his chair of the Homeland Security Senate committee.

You know, I could understand how we just had to stand by and watch ourselves getting screwed when Newt and his thieves were in power. I could ALMOST KINDA understand when Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid would say they didn't have a majority, so they were just gonna bend over and take it right up the old wahzoo. But this? THIS?

It's only a couple weeks after the happiest election day of my life (including when Ann Richards was elected governor of Texas), and already I'm seeing that nothing changes. I think these bastards are ALL in the same club. Every once in a while, the script varies, and someone pretends they have a backbone or someone actually gets in trouble for cheating on taxes or whatever. But now I see the truth: try to pick-up random guys in airport restrooms, wear a diaper and frequent hookers, campaign for the enemy, kiss Satan's ass, whatever. It doesn't matter. You've earned your golden ticket to the chocolate factory, and no amount of dipping your hands in the chocolate river, or chewing the forbidden gum, or bumping up against the ceiling after stealing Fizzy Lifting Drinks is going to hurt you.

You are golden, Joe Lieberman. No problem, David Vitter. Hey, Larry Craig, rest easy. Hell, Tom Delay, you won't go to jail! And don't worry, Ted Stevens, things will be fine. You're all golden. You're all in the club, and no matter what you do, or who you screw, you are untouchable.

Yeah, be triumphant, you asshole. Nothing and no one's gonna touch you or any of the other criminals in government.

FW: email -- true or false?

for more striking black-and-white photos, check this site.

I just got an email from my pal Niki here at work, listing a bunch of retail outlets that supposedly "informed the Security Exchange of closing plans between Oct 2008 and Jan 2009."

I wonder if any of these is really true. (I also wonder what the hell the "Security Exchange" is, but whatev.)

Here's the list, along with my inevitable comments:

Circuit City stores... most recent (? how many)--wouldn't be surprised here.
Ann Taylor- 117 stores nationwide are to be shuttered--never shopped there.
Lane Bryant,, Fashion Bug ,and Catherine's to close 150 store nationwide--never shopped at any of these--too much "girly clothes"
Eddie Bauer to close stores 27 stores and more after January--interesting. What about Abercrombie and Fitch?
Cache will close all stores--huh?
Talbots closing down all stores--bought an interview suit there once. Kinda pricey.
J. Jill closing all stores--never heard of it. Sounds girly.
GAP closing 85 stores--at least they stopped those annoying commercials
Footlocker closing 140 stores more to close after January --really? But doesn't everyone need shoes?
Wickes Furniture closing down--not a surprise.
Levitz closing down remaining stores--again, not a surprise. Who can afford big furniture?
Bombay closing remaining stores--these guys (Pier 1) have been circling the drain forever.
Zales closing down 82 stores and 105 after January--a bit of a surprise, seeing as how people are always getting married. But hey--it's probably teh gays' fault!
Whitehall closing all stores--isn't this another jeweler? Interesting.
Piercing Pagoda closing all stores--ouch! (kidding--does anyone really go there, besides teen girls?)
Disney closing 98 stores and will close more after January--but where will nerdy older women buy their overpriced Eeyore sweatshirts!??
Home Depot closing 15 stores 1 in NJ (New Brunswick)--now this is a surprise. I mean, it's cheaper to do stuff yourself. Maybe it's because everyone's renting after being foreclosed on?
Macys to close 9 stores after January -- the one here is waaay overpriced.
Linens and Things closing all stores --wow. Perhaps beaten in that market by Bed, Bath, and Beyond?
Movie Galley Closing all stores --no surprise. An Internet casualty, I think.
Pacific Sunware closing stores --never shopped there.
Pep Boys Closing 33 stores --Manny! Moe! Jack! Say it ain't so!
Sprint/ Nextel closing 133 stores -- I always thought live phone stores were stupid. Doesn't everyone just get them online?
JC Penney closing a number of stores after January --surprising. Is this because more people are shopping for clothes at thrift stores?
Ethan Allen closing down 12 stores. --not a surprise AT ALL. Way overpriced furniture.
Wilson Leather closing down all stores --they'll probably just stay open online.
Sharper Image closing down all stores --who can afford wacky "unique" gifts like these?
K B Toys closing 356 stores --NOOOO!!!!!!! I love that store!
Loews to close down some stores --here again, like with Home Depot--not enough homeowners anymore?
Dillard's to close some stores--that's sad. I always kinda liked that store when I was a label-conscious '80s teen in South Texas.

So has anyone else heard anything like this? Even if it's bullshit, I'm sure that announcements like these are be pondered in almost every boardroom in America.

Congratulations, General Dunwoody!

Today, Army General Ann Dunwoody became the first female four-star general in the history of the U.S. military.

Sure did take long enough.

Congratulations, ma'am!

Today's "great idea!" award goes to...

Richard Cohen of the WaPo???? Are you effing kidding me? Princess Sparkle Pony would have a small glittery colt if she read this, but I guess even the blind squirrel finds a nut now and then. (or in this case, a nut found a squirrel) His idea?

Photo: Dan Winters / TIME
he's so dreamy!

Make Al Gore Secretary of State. Of course, all one has to do is start a sentence with "Make Al Gore..." and then end it with any position in the government, and you've pretty much shown yourself to be smart in my book.

A couple of other ideas I've been having, great or otherwise:
1. Appoint Hillary Clinton to the Supreme Court.
2. Ask John Edwards to be Attorney General -- uh, this one is kind-of an old idea, pre-diddling around, so ... yeah, forget it. But it would've been cool!

What appointments would you like to see Obama/Biden make?

Teh quick hits!

The headlines are hilarious, but…
“Palin linked to Obama death threats”—a little misleading. Palin herself hasn’t called in any threats or anything, but the Secret Service is now officially “blaming” Palin for the escalation in death threats against our new president. According to a story in the India Times, “Palin's demagogic tone may have unintentionally encouraged white supremacists to plan attacks on the future president of the US.” Ooooh, that’s harsh!
Still, I’m SURE it was unintentional; when she repeatedly screeched that President Obama was “palling around with terrorists,” I’m sure she didn’t mean it to sound like an accusation or an incitement to her audience. It’s not like she sensed the mood of the wackos and freaks at her rallies and took advantage of it or anything, consequences be damned. And all those freaks shouting, “Kill him!” at the rallies are equally innocent, right?


Speaking of Failin’
You know, she may be done politically, but the hilarity continues! She told Faux Nooz’s Greta van Manface that she “would have been happy to have worn my own clothes from day one.” Indeed! So we would've seen her campaigning in her t-shirts, her snow jacket, her hunting clothes, and sweatshirts. Hey--I'm no fashion snob! I'd pay to see those campaign commercials! Of course, now she's blaming the stylist for the whole clothing debacle.


And one more Failin’ note
In an interview with the Washington Post, Palin blamed the McGramps/Failin’ loss on three factors: “money, the Hispanic vote and "that 'R' by our name.” Glad to know that me and my people were responsible for saving the country from the warmonger and the Barbie doll! If anyone else wants to thank me or mi jente for anything, please feel free! ¡Muchas gracias!


Harry Reid just pisses me off
You know, for a guy whose Web site says “Give ’Em Hell, Harry,” Harry Reid is one of the biggest wafflers and double-talkers in the Senate. Read this little discussion with CNN’s John King, and note how Reid can talk tough one minute, saying that “of course” Ted Stevens (F-elon) will be kicked out of the Senate, but then when asked about Traitor Joe Lieberman, he calls him “one of the most progressive people ever to come from the state of Connecticut.” The fucker actively campaigned against the democratic candidate, repeated repug lies about him, and basically hasn’t apologized for it. He’s been a repug in everything but name only. But he's one fo the most progressive people from CT? Who the fuck else lives there, Harry--Hitler? Palin? Cheney? Voldemort? Ralph Reed?


Last time I checked, CT went BLUE for Obama. Lieberman’s just a repug in independent’s clothing. Look for him to declare that he’s switching to the repug party before the year is out.


Obama meets with Chimpy and checks out The House
Just how patient and cool is Barack Obama? He sat through a “meeting” with Chimpy, pretending to give a shit about anything that Chimpy had to say. Then he endured a tour of the White House from Chimpy and Pickles.
I’d love to have an Obama Zipdrive diary entry on that day, man! Official WH liar and Scully-wannabe Dana Perino said the tone of the meeting was “constructive, relaxed and friendly.” I guess if Obama had done what he probably wanted to, which was put his foot up Chimpy’s ass, Perino would’ve added, “collegial.” Note Michelle's fabulous outfit vs. the Pickles frump. Point, Michelle!


In the immortal words of Dr Monkey von Monkerstein…
"Brit Hume has lost his mind." His damned mind, Monkey; he's lost his damned mind. I think the only “amazing” thing about Bush’s presidency is that we’re all still alive and there's still food on the shelves of our grocery stores, given how badly he’s fucked up and how many people he’s murdered with his wars.

Guest-posting on IAOD!

For the first time ever, I've got a guest-post on the bloggy! My pal Dr. Matty McMatterson (aka Dr. Matthew Callahan) posted this thought-provoking piece today on Facebook, and I wanted to share it with you. It's not often that the subject of religion rears its head (like Putin!) here, but hey--we're open-minded on the impeachment bloggy.


My thoughts on prop 8, on religion, and Buddhism
I have no plans to marry in this lifetime. My heart tells me that I'm here to do other things. Gay marriage is not my fight. I am more concerned with stopping heterosexual men from killing gay men and then setting their bodies on fire.

Still though. Proposition 8 troubles me. It troubles me because it is rooted in a religious argument. Specifically a Christian argument.

Marriage is indeed a Christian sacrament. A beautiful one. And it is a sacrament that is made between a man and a woman. I went to Catholic school, so I'm crystal clear on that.

But this sacrament does not only happen in the church. If it did, that would be the end of the story. But marriage is also a legal bond that carries economic and social privileges.

I am no longer Catholic. Or a Christian. And as much as some Christians may not like to acknowledge this, the United States is not a uniformly Christian nation. We have separation of church and state. This means that are laws, our government, our policies cannot, must not be solely rooted in a Christian paradigm.

As a Buddhist, the bible is not my guidebook. The Dharma is. And the Dharma has nothing to say about marriage. It is considered a secular act and a matter of personal choice.

So then. what if, as a Buddhist, I did decide to marry? As a gay man, I would not be able to. And as an American, I would be denied the social and economic privileges that a legal marriage procures.

How unfortunate.

Proposition 8 is not about legalizing or not legalizing gay marriage. It is about legalizing Christianity. It is about taking a Judeo-Christian text and essentially translating its passages into federal law. This not only makes gay men and lesbian women second class citizens, it makes anyone who does not subscribe to Christianity second class citizens as well. This is what many Christians do not seem to understand, with their one god and their one truth.

My prayer is that proposition 8 is repealed. I also pray that under new leadership, all Americans-- Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Pagans, agnostics and atheists can work together, honor our differences, respect each other and create an America that is governed by a shared moral code, one rooted in wisdom, compassion and humanity -informed by many perspectives, but never dominated by one.

If I had my druthers, all legal marriages would be civil unions. And heterosexuals who also wish to celebrate the sacrament of marriage could do so in the sanctity of their churches. But this is not possible at this point in history. So we need to work together with what we have.
As a Buddhist, there is one thing I know for sure. Anger leads to suffering. And I see tremendous rage on both sides of proposition 8. This will do no good. Activism does not need to be fueled by rage in order to be effective, and from what I remember of Jesus' teachings, he would not be very pleased with this anger either!

Suggested new names for the bloggy

Once January comes, it'll be too late to impeach Chimpy and Darth Cheney, so it seems to me that the bloggy should change its name (or at least its banner). And you, my wise 9.3 readers, have made some great suggestions! I'll present a couple at a time and see what you think.

Let's look at a couple of drafts I made of new banners:
My first idea stems from several people's suggestions to move from calling for impeachment to calling for prosecution of the war criminals. Bubs' "Adios, motherfucker" was a nice additional touch, and you know how I love those little ICHC kittehs!

But it's a little busy. Vikkitikkitavi suggested something less complicated but more intriguing:

She suggested merely knocking off the "impeachment" and keeping the "other dreams." I added the burning question that's been on my mind since Election Night.

We still have plenty of time to throw around names and ideas, so I welcome your reactions. I'm still considering not changing it all, so if you support that idea, let me know.

A dark blot on the bright hope cloud

It's hard to be snarky in these days of luminescent giant rainbows and heavy glitter rainshowers falling on the USA since Obama won, but there are some dark spots in our sunny republic: Apparently it's still too close to call up in Alaska where Sen. Ted Stevens (Con, Victed) is running for reelection despite the fact that he's currently awaiting sentencing on his 7-count felony fraud conviction.

I heard some crazy Alaskan lady on NPR the other day talking about how he had not been judged by a jury of his peers but by "a bunch of lower-48 people" who don't know anything about what they do and how they do it up there in The Last Frontier. Her voice was even more gratingly annoying than Caribou Barbie's, believe it or not. A bunch of Stevens' supporters commented about how their guy couldn't have done anything wrong, and how they were still voting him. It's just us crazy "lower-48"ers who don't understand!

Why don't they just secede and get it over with?

Possibly my favorite one-line paragraph ever can be found in the story I linked to above:

Stevens went home late Tuesday to get some sleep.

TMI, anyone? I don't really care to know such details that force me to imagine him in his bedroom, disrobing, revealing his wasted bony carcass, just before he drags his bones into bed. Eeewww!!! So let's speculate on what else he might have done:

He "went home late Tuesday to"___________. Fill in the blank in the comments section, folks!

Unite, states!

If I had any doubts whatsoever about President-Elect Obama's power to truly unite people of different faiths, philosophies, and beliefs, those doubts evaporated today when the friend of mine from work -- the one I've told you about now and again, the one who said she didn't think we were ready for a black president, who is anti-choice, who said women were too emotional to be president (but who loved Sarah Palin and might've voted for her) -- that friend -- she voted for Barack Obama yesterday.

Any suggestions...

...for what I should call the bloggy now?

It's a new day, America. What are we gonna do with it?

#391 for hope

Where I've been spending some of my time lately

I just got to work a little while ago after waiting for the gas guy to turn on my furnace, and then going to my voting place. I was #391 in my district of about 1,200 voters. There was only a short line, which I was a little bummed about.

My bummed-ness, though, evaporated as I took my long paper ballot into the little plastic booth. I marked straight-ticket democrat and voted yes on some appropriations for state road/utilities work. We had no big initiatives here like Prop 8 or whatever.

I haven't felt this good after voting since I cast a ballot (or truthfully, two ballots) for Ann Richards back in Texas. She won that election, buoyed no doubt by my votes in two counties--one where I was going to college and one in my hometown (took a fancy bit of driving to get them both in!).

Um--am I going to be arrested now? Hope not. It's over, right? She's passed away, rest her soul, so I'm okay, right?

Last night, I made some phone calls at the Obama HQ in town, organizing volunteers for canvassing shifts today. After work, I'm going for a drink with some fellow dems from work, then I'll go watch the returns with some other friends.

My mind can't help but go back to this day in 2004, when a bunch of us got together and were marking each state as it was called for red or blue. PA went blue for Kerry, and I started to think that we might really win--we might just kick that Chimpy asshole out of the White House before he could fuck up even more stuff. Then the first hints of the back-and-forth in Ohio started. We all looked at each other, and you could almost feel the air go out of the room. Ohio was going to be that year's Florida, complete with a crooked election official to make sure that the state went red.

the sky a few months ago--taken on my cellphone, so it's not too high-res

But I want to put that out of my mind today. I had tears in my eyes as I inserted my ballot into the counting thingie. Voter #391 -- for hope.

One more day...

By this time tomorrow, I'll have voted for Barack Obama.

Letting that sink in for a moment....

Like last time, I'm terrified--terrified that, even though local dem activist and artist Mary Vollero got our county to switch back to paper ballots and dump the electronic voting machines we had last time--I'm still terrified that somehow my vote won't be counted. Or worse--that it will be switched to McFossil-Failin'. Either by some error of my own, or by someone (or someones) seeing to it that dem votes are switched.

Am I paranoid? Is it paranoia when someone really IS watching you? When the last two elections have been stolen?

When I go to the polls now, ever since 2000, I instantly become a frightened child, eyes wide as saucers, looking around to make sure I'm at the right place and in the right line. I feel like I'm in enemy territory, a intimidating place where I have to make sure that my marks on the ballot are exactly right--no coloring outside the lines, no half-bubbles, no mis-aligned cards, no hanging chads, no auto-switched vote.

I hate feeling like this. I know it's going to be even worse than last time, in 2006. I'm having to vote at a new place since I moved, and so I'm going to spend a little time after work today making sure I know exactly where to go. I am pretty sure I'm going to use at least two of my final eight vacation hours remaining in order to reduce my anxiety about going, standing in line, etc. Then I'll come back here and tell you how it goes.

How are you feeling today?