Sunday, December 23, 2007

My Secret Santa Victim

Well, it's Christmas Eve, and Santa's in his sleigh, spending about .000025468 seconds per chimney, dropping presents all over the world. (except I'm sure in those Islamofascist countries who haven't been saved yet and don't believe in the Baby Jeebus and his brother Saint Nicholas--or something like that)

Anyway, my gifts are as follows, for you, my little Secret Santa gem: Dr. Zaius!

A lifetime membership to the Charlton Heston Fan Club! They say he's truly a "renaissance man" just like you, Dr. Z! (I can't believe they used that phrase for him, especially after we all know that Mittens Zelig is the true renaissance man).

Second, I give you this striking description of Heston from some web site that obviously didn't know what his most important films were, as The Planet of the Apes series was not mentioned!
"A brawny, virile classical actor whose physical presence, intelligent performances and authoritative voice left a distinctive mark on fifty years of Hollywood filmmaking, Charlton Heston's career encompassed roles in numerous historical epics, period dramas, and Hollywood adventure films, earning him the Academy Award as Best Actor (for his performance in BEN-HUR (1959)). At his best in the 1950s and '60s, Heston continued to play leading roles through the 1990s and was also called upon to lend his voice or imposing stature to certain supporting roles no one quite as large ever really emerged to fill."

Wow. Now THAT'S a description, eh? "no one quite as large ever really emerged to fill" indeed. Just like you, Dr. Zaius!

Finally, I've ordered you LIFESIZE PRINTS of all the photos from the movie! See this site for views of all the great movie stills! Just watch your little mailbox; I'm sure they'll turn up any day. They didn't have Paypal or anything, but the guy who emailed me from www.scamarama.apeworld.comeonman.orgy.com said he'd run my credit card through, no problem!

I leave with you my favorite line from The Planet of the Apes!

"It's a mad house! A mad house!"

7 comments:

FranIAm said...

That is RICH! Wow. Who is luckier?
You?
Zaius?

Randal Graves said...

Holy shit, Dr. Zaius was in Ben-Hur? Awesome!

Distributorcap said...

was dr z also in earthquake? did he drown in the sewer?

LET'S TALK said...

You all just crack me up with your humor. Great post!

I'm not posting anything new during the Holidays and decided to surf. Thanks for the laughs, this is just great!

dguzman said...

Fran--good question.

Randal--yes! And in Earthquake, as Dcap says! He was effing BEAUTIFUL in El Cid too.

GETkristiLOVE said...

I'm sure he's beside himself with joy.
Happy Holidays dguzman!

Dr. Zaius said...

Ouch! Words fail me. The President of the NRA and I are not exactly on the best of terms, as you can imagine.

I thought I left a message here on Christmas day, but I guess I so so overcome with, um, joy *or something* that I forgot to leave a message. ;o)

Thanks! Merry Chrstmas and Happy New Year!