Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Does this man look familiar, Mrs. Cheney?


Why not make some predictions for next year, right? It's what all the cool kids do.

1. Every single college kid in America will have an IPod or a cellphone, or both. Trust me on this: It's a rare day that I see even one person who isn't listening to music on an IPod or talking on his/her cellphone (or both, at once).

2. Articles of impeachment will be filed on Dick Cheney. Again--why not go all out? Of course, nothing will come of it, but some dems will be able to say they tried.

3. Someone--most likely Israel--will bomb Iran, and we'll be "obligated" to help out our good friends and join in the shock-and-awe-fest. Chimpy will get his war on, one way or another; this seems like an easy way to get it going.

4. The democratically elected and tough-as-nails president of Ecuador will be killed in an "accident" and be replaced by an American-backed puppet regime. Read John Perkins' Confessions of an Economic Hitman to learn how the pros (Nixon, Reagan, Poppy Bush, Big Dick Cheney) eliminate pesky foreign leaders who tell the US to stick it; read Greg Palast's latest post to see just how pesky Rafael Correa Delgado has been.

5. Vikkitikkitavi's Bells On blog will fail (yes, FAIL!) to win a third consecutive Drysdale Trophy for Least Influential Political Blog, because EVERYONE will be reading it, talking about it, and asking why the fuck they didn't listen to her in the first place before all this shit got so fucked up. You'd better start reading it now, so you'll be ahead of the curve.

6. The Monkey/Love campaign will kick it into high gear and sweep the early primaries in 2008, coasting to a landslide victory in the November elections. However, after prediction #3 happens, Bush will suspend all elections, so it won't matter. Then Cheney, in a emotive fit not unlike that of Darth Sidious screaming "Un! Limited! Power!" in Revenge of the Sith, will rip Chimpy's heart out of his chest, eat it raw on the White House lawn, and declare himself Emperor for Life.

Got any other predictions?


Randal Graves said...

Aw shit, mon amie, I hate your brain because, in working up my own predictions post for the near future, I ended up using a couple of the same ideas and now I can't because you deviously beat me to it! Damn you! I just hope I get a good tan from all the radiation. ;-)

Distributorcap said...

our very own Jeanne Dixon
love it!

no predictions for the next britney adventure?

hope the holiday is good

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I shall become a martyr to the cause of freedom and my running mate will become even hotter looking than she is now.

FranIAm said...

I predict more predictions from dguzman!

dguzman said...

Randal--aw man, don't hate me 'cause I'm predictin'. Just make the same predictions in your own inimitable style, and then we'll both feel even more legit!

DCap--I try to stay away from the Hollywood shite!

Dr. Monkey--SWEET, though I don't know if that's possible!

FranYouAre--we shall see....

Whiskeymarie said...

I predict that we all will continue to be pissed off by the state of affairs that we've been saddled with, and we will continue to wish horrible things upon our idiot-in-chief and his cronies.

Um, sorry. I mean: I predict Britney will do something selfish and ridiculous involving no undies this year.

vikkitikkitavi said...

I predict that the 08 election will be the worst yet in terms of voter supression and media misbehavior.

Candace said...

I disagree on prediction #1. See, I just got an iPod for Christmas (thanks to my fabulous inlaws), and every time I think I've finally caught up with the current tech, They (the powers that be, not the inlaws) come out with something that makes the tech I just got look SO last week.

#3, yeah, definitely - only I think it'll be an "accidental" bombing by someone. Then Bush will get to see Putin's "soul" up CLOSE. Oh man, I have GOT to get workin' on that bomb shelter out back ...