Tuesday, November 20, 2007

A Thanksgiving Message from Commander Guy

This here's yer preznit, George Dubya Bush, and I'm takin' time away from clearin' brush at mah ranch back in Crawford, Texas, to show you how much Ah care about the Murikan people.

Let 'em eat BEANS! Heh heh heh. Here Ah am, posing at a food bank in some place in Virginny. You cain't read the sign behind me, but it says, "they shall go hungry 'long as Ah'm in charge!" Because see, I'm a war preznit. I wake up with war on mah mind. I don't have time to worry about what's happenin' here in Murika, because if Ah do, the terrah-ists win! Besides, Ol' Dick told me the economy's boomin'. That's 'cause I'm a successful bidnessman. All you have to do is look at the profit statements for Halliburton and Blackwater to know that. Heh heh.

Hell, I even pardoned two turkeys --
They'll be goin' to Disneyland instead of to the big house. Nice turkey, nice turkey. Heh heh. We'll set you up with a nice allowance since you took the rap for Big Dick. Heh heh.
So y'all give thanks, because Ah'm the decider and Ah decided you better be thankful.


Anonymous said...

I read somewhere that the pardoned turkeys barely live anyway because they are factory farmed birds that aren't able to live.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Excellent post.

dguzman said...

Fillip--probably true, if they're commercially produced birds. They're bred with extra-large breasts, and their feet just aren't designed to hold that much weight, let alone all that weight pitched toward the front. A lot of these turkeys spend their lives sitting, as they can't really stand up.

Thanks, Dr. M!

Comandante Agí said...

Beans, beans, the magical fruit...

FranIAm said...

I have decided that George Bush is a f*ckwit.

And full of f*cking beans.