Friday, November 16, 2007

Everyday Stuff I Psychotically Love

I feel like I’ve been doing a lot of rantin’ here lately, and this morning has been extra-hilarious, so I’ve decided to share the mirth by focusing on Everyday Stuff I Psychotically Love:

1. a bag of Crunchy Cheetos mixed with a bag of Nacho-flavored Doritos. Friends, the mingling of these disparate “cheese” essenses makes for a veritable symphony of “cheese”-flavored goodness! I invented this mix in college, and it’s still a favorite 25 years later (and I have the hips and flabby tummy to prove it).

2. when people see Jesus and/or the Virgin Mary in some sort of food. Just this morning, the Fox “News” team was doing a story on some crazy-ass lady who made a pancake and noticed Jesus and Mary, standing side by side, with halos (of course), and (I quote what the Fox guy said) “wearing desert clothing.” I guess that burnt part is the desert clothing?

This makes several of these holy-person-on-food items I’ve heard of--including a tortilla, a grilled cheese sandwich, chocolate drippings, and a pretzel--but there are tons more! This lady with the pancake claimed the image was a sign from her father, who died of cancer last year; she sold the pancake on eBay for about $300.

3. Pentel’s Quicker Clicker .7mm mechanical pencils. When you’re down and out, sitting in your math class wishing you were dead, your mind fried from trying to understand Riemann sums and their roles in calculating integrals, nothing cheers you up like advancing your pencil lead without having to move your hand from the barrel of the pencil. These babies come in transparent blue, violet, and gray; my personal preference is the blue, but hey—the gray is just as good (the violet is just wrong). The erasers on these pencils are also top-notch, capable of erasing even the most careless of sign errors, mis-calculated squares, and backward lesser-than/greater-than signs.

Sorry, Matty-boy!

4. people-watching, and related activities. One of my absolute all-time favorite pastimes, especially when The Kat and The Kid and I make up imaginary conversations between people we’re sitting next to in restaurants. Lest you think we're cruel, I can tell you we only do this when people are talking way too fecking loud in a public place. Keep your conversations to yourselves, folks! Anyway, our fake convos usually range from one person telling the other person the same bad knock-knock joke, over and over (that’s solid gold for The Kid), to wide-ranging discussions about romance, world politics, strange and embarrassing diseases, and table manners.

5. Wegman’s Aqua Italian mineral water with a ton of lime juice in it. It’s the nectar of the gods, especially when you mix in a splash of gin. So refreshing! In a pinch, I'll get Pellegrino, or even Polar Spring, but Wegman's is really the best. I am also saving my empty bottles, because they're a beautiful blue glass; I plan to cut off the bottoms and make them into pendant lighting! Erm, it may or may not happen....


So--what are a few of your favorite things?

14 comments:

Randal Graves said...

Looking at that pancake, I see: the universal greeting for "hello, dear chum, kindly piss off," the silhouette of a bad macaroni rooster that we all made in grade school at some point, a minion of Cthulhu, the eyeball sentinel from Big Trouble In Little China, and a weird, deep-sea fish with a barely open jaw swimming to the left. I don't see Jesus.

dguzman said...

I see a lady who can't pour out an even pancake, as well as one who can't cook a pancake without burning it a little.

Big Trouble in Little China! Oh man, I love that movie!

CDP said...

I'm going to do a favorite things post, too. I've never tried the cheeto and dorito combination, but one that I love that's equally calorie-laden is pretzels (they need to be Snyder's pretzels and no other) and potato chips (plain potato chips) in the same bowl. Yum.

CDP said...

PS--Are you presenting everyone with beautiful gift bags full of your favorite things, a la Oprah? If so, I'll send you my address and will be on the lookout for my bag of pencils, pancakes, mineral water, and cheesy snacks.

Sorghum Crow said...

If you go to mcphee.com you can order a stamper so you can make your own Holy Toast. (there's also I heart U, and pirate versions.)

and for what it's worth I worked with the guy who played the rascally little boy in The Sound of Music.

dguzman said...

Snyders and potato chips together--never thought of that one. I'll give it a whirl. It would be funny to send out gift bags, but I'm kinda in a slightly lower income bracket than the Big O....

Crow--SWEET! I gotta get me one a those! Was the Sound of Music guy kinda messed up, like Dana Plato and all those other child stars?

Distributorcap said...

my favorite thing is tearing down my curtains and making clothing -- and then frollicking through the mountains of manhattan

i dont like snowflakes that land on my eyelashes tho.

and one of those sound of music chicks was also in lost in space......

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

1. Writing my blog.
2. Reading the blogs on my blog roll.
3. Instant oatmeal with dried cherries tossed in right before I pour the boiling water in.
4. Beer.
5. Find cheap stuff to scan, i.e. books, magazines, pamphlets, etc, in thrift stores and antique stores.
6. Thai, Chinese, and Indian food.
7. Father Ted and the new Dr. Who.

FranIAm said...

I once wore old curtains as clothing to a "sing-a-long" Sound of Music event in NYC. And won a prize. Sometimes I do miss the gay boys.

As for seeing Jesus and Mary in my food, maybe I ought to lay off the Doritos, as I don't think they would be seen there.

And just Wegman's- that is a favorite thing but we have none here. Wah!

Oh I know one more - no two favorite things... Delia's blogs!

Randal Graves said...

A six-demon bag!

Jess Wundrun said...

When we were in Texas recently, our waffles looked exactly like Texas. After we rose from our knees in a little worship of Sam Houston and our lady of yellow roses, we realized the waffle maker was shaped like Texas.

oh well.

dguzman said...

Post, a deer, a favorite deer.
Play, as much work allows....

jess -- you killed me--"After we rose from our knees in a little worship of Sam Houston and our lady of yellow roses"--indeed!

vikkitikkitavi said...

You had me until the Sound of Music reference, at which point my gag reflex was induced.

dguzman said...

Sorry to make you vomit, Vikki. It was just such a gimme, you know?