I'm not Bush, but I play him on the campaign trail

How much is McCain counting on his impersonation of Chimpy to win votes? Let's examine some of his remarks from the campaign trail and see how he compares to the Chimpy Formula for Success!, of which there are three parts:

1. Scare the shit out of people by claiming that an attack is imminent unless ______ (fill in whatever the fuck the Emperor wants here).

2. Assert a direct connection between Iran and the violence in Iraq (don't bother to offer any proof, of course; just say it like you mean it and rest assured that the "liberal media" will report it as FACT. Remember, you might want to bomb bomb bomb Iran next).

3. Pretend we're actually "winning" against the turrists (again, no evidence necessary--just use a cliche like "smoke 'em out" or "bring it on").

By the numbers, then:

1. John McGeezer is now worried that al Qaeda will try to affect our November election.

McCain, at a town hall meeting in this Philadelphia suburb, was asked if he had concerns that al Qaeda or other groups in Iraq might intensify their operations to try to increase casualties in the autumn and influence the November election.

"Yes, I worry about it," McCain said. "And I know they pay attention because of the intercepts we have of their communications ... The hardest thing in warfare is to counter someone or a group of individuals who are willing to take their own lives in order to take others."

The funniest part of this whole equation is that the repugs are the ones who led us into this goatfuck, yet they claim they're strong on defense! But he knows what the turrists are up to-- thanks to all those wiretapped phone calls, I guess. My favorite point, however, would have to be the last line about "the hardest thing in warfare." Um--Senator McOldMan?--isn't that pretty much what EVERYONE does when they go to war? All fighters in a war must be willing to give up their own lives to take the lives of the enemy; that's pretty much how a war goes, McBrain. One would think you'd know that.

2. The oh-so-completely-unsupported assertions of Iran's no-goodniks causing trouble:

"We still have the most lethal explosive devices coming across the border from Iran into Iraq. We still have suicide bombers landing at the airport in Damascus and coming into Iraq as we speak. So I would not be surprised if they make an attempt. I believe we can counter most of it as we are countering them," he said.

"as we speak" all this stuff is happening! This guy knows everything! And note how eloquently he delivers his knowledge: "I believe we can counter most of it as we are countering them." WTF?

3. But never fear, because victory is at hand!

He said is concerned "they might be able to carry out some spectacular suicide attacks but we do have them on the run."

By "on the run" do you mean that a year after you had to wear your Kevlar vest in that Iraqi marketplace, now you don't have to wear the vest on this trip? Let's go to the photo evidence:

Photo credit: Master Sgt. Andy Dunaway/U.S. Air Force, via Associated Press

Oh -- guess not.