Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I'm not Bush, but I play him on the campaign trail

How much is McCain counting on his impersonation of Chimpy to win votes? Let's examine some of his remarks from the campaign trail and see how he compares to the Chimpy Formula for Success!, of which there are three parts:

1. Scare the shit out of people by claiming that an attack is imminent unless ______ (fill in whatever the fuck the Emperor wants here).
2. Assert a direct connection between Iran and the violence in Iraq (don't bother to offer any proof, of course; just say it like you mean it and rest assured that the "liberal media" will report it as FACT. Remember, you might want to bomb bomb bomb Iran next).
3. Pretend we're actually "winning" against the turrists (again, no evidence necessary--just use a cliche like "smoke 'em out" or "bring it on").
By the numbers, then:

1. John McGeezer is now worried that al Qaeda will try to affect our November election.

McCain, at a town hall meeting in this Philadelphia suburb, was asked if he had concerns that al Qaeda or other groups in Iraq might intensify their operations to try to increase casualties in the autumn and influence the November election.

"Yes, I worry about it," McCain said. "And I know they pay attention because of the intercepts we have of their communications ... The hardest thing in warfare is to counter someone or a group of individuals who are willing to take their own lives in order to take others."

The funniest part of this whole equation is that the repugs are the ones who led us into this goatfuck, yet they claim they're strong on defense! But he knows what the turrists are up to-- thanks to all those wiretapped phone calls, I guess. My favorite point, however, would have to be the last line about "the hardest thing in warfare." Um--Senator McOldMan?--isn't that pretty much what EVERYONE does when they go to war? All fighters in a war must be willing to give up their own lives to take the lives of the enemy; that's pretty much how a war goes, McBrain. One would think you'd know that.

2. The oh-so-completely-unsupported assertions of Iran's no-goodniks causing trouble:

"We still have the most lethal explosive devices coming across the border from Iran into Iraq. We still have suicide bombers landing at the airport in Damascus and coming into Iraq as we speak. So I would not be surprised if they make an attempt. I believe we can counter most of it as we are countering them," he said.

"as we speak" all this stuff is happening! This guy knows everything! And note how eloquently he delivers his knowledge: "I believe we can counter most of it as we are countering them." WTF?

3. But never fear, because victory is at hand!

He said is concerned "they might be able to carry out some spectacular suicide attacks but we do have them on the run."

By "on the run" do you mean that a year after you had to wear your Kevlar vest in that Iraqi marketplace, now you don't have to wear the vest on this trip? Let's go to the photo evidence:

Photo credit: Master Sgt. Andy Dunaway/U.S. Air Force, via Associated Press

Oh -- guess not.


FranIAm said...

What a feckin' loser. I am not that crazy about the BO and HC but let me tell you, if McCain wins, I am moving to Canada or anywhere, whether Mr. HeIs likes it or not.

Bubs said...

I'm just 5 minutes after my latest Bush outrage--I just saw the POTUS giving a speech where he cited America's position as the world's leading exporter of goods as a sign of our economic strength. Not as a simple reflection of the fact that he's totally devalued and weakened the dollar, and made it fire-sale cheap for other people to buy our stuff now.

dguzman said...

We would have to leave as well, Fran, so let's keep in touch.

dguzman said...

Bubs--Maybe we'll be the new China, exporting worthless plastic shit that no one needs! On a serious note, the only "goods" we're the "world's leading exporter" of are military weapons, according to everything I've read. WTF is that idiot talking about?

Mary Ellen said...

Holy cow, look at you crankin' out the posts today!

The only terrorist I'm worried about messing with our upcoming election is George Bush, declaring marshal law. Or the GOP and Diebold messing with the machines.

I love the way Bush and Co. play games with this war. First...the surge is working! It's safer in Iraq! Then....We need to stay in Iraq, it isn't safe!

Randal Graves said...

We're safe because we're not safe which makes us concentrate on being safe. Duh, this isn't hard people.

dguzman said...

Wow, Randal--ME and I thank you for 'splainin that to us... Be safe!

Karen Zipdrive said...

Why oh why don't any of these idiot politicians who visit Iraq get shot or step on an IED?
I think for McCain, having both his legs blown off by an IED would be an excellent career move.