Thursday, March 06, 2008

"Fun with a purpose!"

After reading what was probably the funniest post ever written--Princess Sparkle Pony’s star turn on Wonkette, discussing Condi and the Anti-Condi Diplamazon Ursula Plassnik, done in the classic Goofus and Gallant contrast method developed by "Highlights Magazine"--I was emailing back and forth with the wonderful FranIAm about my love of that post and of Goofus and Gallant and “Highlights.” (Remember Hidden Pictures? I loved that bit!) She told me this morning that she found a current issue of "Highlights," complete with a modern version of Goofus and Gallant!

All this talk of Goofus and Gallant reminded me of my own Goofus/Gallant moment when I was a child. I was probably 8 or 9 years old, and I’d accidentally knocked a vase off my mom’s dresser. My first thought, of course, was to deny it and/or blame my brother. However, for some insane reason, I remembered that Gallant would've owned up to something like this and then his mom would've respected him for telling the truth. I wanted that kind of respect!

So little Delia told her mother right away about the vase, and what do you think happened? Yup. I got in trouble. I think I was even spanked for playing in my mom's room. The whole while, I was thinking, "This isn't how it happened in ‘Highlights!’"

So I wonder what Goofus and Gallant would look like in 2008. Let’s imagine together…

Goofus plays his iPod so freakin' loud that the headphone leakage bothers his classmates -- Gallant keeps the volume on his iPod low and only plays soothing music like Enya, so he can focus on his studies.

Goofus answers his cellphone in the restaurant and he never turns it off during movies or church -- Gallant keeps his cell on "vibrate" at all times, so he doesn't disturb others.

Goofus doesn’t give a shit about the homeless – Gallant has gone to New Orleans twice to help rebuild homes in the Ninth Ward.

Whoa--I think Splotchy is Gallant! Now I love him even more.
Fran even added a few of her own!
Goofus mocks gay people - Gallant starts a Straight Gay Alliance

Goofus supports torture - Gallant protests against Guantanamo

Goofus steals blog content - Gallant gives link love and h't's.

Goofus listens to Rush Limbaugh- Gallant reads Impeachment and other dreams

Many times when I was a kid, I believed I was more of a Goofus than a Gallant, always getting in trouble for my over-curious messing with stuff. (Remember when I took apart your alarm clock, Mommy?) I wasn't trying to be a Goofus, but like the toast that lands jelly-side down, things often just happened. But if modern-day Goofus is a wingnut--then I'll go with Gallant!

Fran also sent me some actual content from the "Highlights" she found:

Goofus hogs the ball in soccer but Gallant is a team player!

Goofus wipes his mouth on his sleeve - Gallant says "please pass the napkins."
She also added kids’ comments!

"I felt like Goofus when I waited until I was told to make my bed." Taisi, 10, American Samoa

"I felt like Gallant when I finished all of my homework before I played." Helena, 8, New Jersey
Can you believe these kids? How sweet is that. Makes me have hope for the future.

P.S.--You might also enjoy this take on G&G.


Sorghum Crow said...

Hidden Pictures, indeed. Remember how there was always one item that really wasn't in the picture, and you still spent hours looking for it? Bastards. I think Goofus did those pictures....

FranIAm said...

Hilar squared as my blogpal Jewgirl would say... F*cking hilarious my friend.

And to think I had a hand in this.

Me. The oil change place. My blackberry. You. A Highlights magazine.

Sometimes life is so flippin' sweet.

Thanks Delia!!!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Goofus skimmed this post, Gallant read every word of it.

CDP said...


Randal Graves said...

Now I really feel old.

dguzman said...

Crow--And I thought I was just not good enough! Those bastidds!

Fran--you inspire me!

Dr. Monkey--indeed, sir.

CDP--thank you.

Randal--you and me both.

Anonymous said...

Goofus steals her kids' Highlights and does the Hidden Pictures in ink before they get a chance to do them.

Gallant puts the Highlights in the kids' bathroom where they can do the Hidden Pictures themselves while they are on the throne.

Distributorcap said...

goofus makes fun of the bush twins
galant dumps drinks on them

GETkristiLOVE said...

Now that you mention it... Splotchy is Gallant!