Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Chimpy writes some thank-you notes

Oh, hey there, Amurkans. I’m jest settin’ down to write me some thanky notes to summa mah friends who’ve helped Amurka! Mah first one’s to the telly-com people who’s bin helpin' me listen in on all the shit that’s goin’ down out there in turrist-land, ay kay ay ever’where:
Yo, tellycoms dudes,
Thank you for doing your patriotic duty and helping defend Amurka after 9/11! Most people think it’s them soldiers out there in Eye-raq and Afghanistan who’s doin’ the fightin, but you and me both know it’s all about readin’ Jow Blow's emails and listenin’ to Jane Blow's phone calls, and fuck warrants! Don’t you worry 'bout that Congress lawsuit bullshit neither. I got it under control.
PS—just put yer usual deposit amount in mah bank, thanks!

That was fun! Now fer mah pals the Ay-rabs. Those fuckers know how to party! Shee-it, the stories Ah could tell ya… Anyway, me and Dick and them are tight ’cuz we’re all oil men. I know pretty much how they're feelin', not wantin' to increase their output. Ah mean, back when Ah wuz runnin' my company, Ah couldn't increase mah oil output neither, seein's how we never found any oil. Anyways...

Dear Bandar Bush,

Thanks a bunch for continuin’ to fuck the Amurkan taxpayers on gas prices. I shore know how hard it is to find oil, and if ya’ll don’t wanna lower them prices, well, hey—Ah understand ’cuz Ah’m a MBA from Harvard! You demand the dollars, we supply ’em! And it all evens out in the end when you give me and Daddy and Big Dick big bonuses fer keeping ya’ll in Mercedes Benzes and BMW limos!

Let’s hold hands again soon, love,

It's shore a lotta fun havin' ya'll peek into mah affairs durin' the day. Well, bye fer now, and see ya at the bar!


Randal Graves said...

I think when you do these posts, that some CIA blackops squadron kidnaps you, actually gets Chimpy to type - well, someone to type FOR him - and they bring you back, having erased your memory with a top-secret cold war leftover technique.

FranIAm said...

Oh my.

Coffee streaming down screen from big spit take moment when I started to read.

Note to self- no beverages around computer when at Delia's blog.

phil_in_ny said...

lol. Now he throws his support behind McCain. Don't you think that's a kiss of death?

dguzman said...

Randal--I don't know what you're talking about. Ya'll just leave me alone, ya hear?

Fran--glad to help destroy the keyboard!

PiNY--I think that's the only kiss Georgie knows how to give: the kiss of death. It's not surprising, though, after their big make-out sessions lately. Eeww.

no_slappz said...

If you want gas prices to drop, then Congress must permit the drilling of ALL domestic oil reserves.

Would Democrats permit full-scale exploration and exploitation of US oil properties? Not a chance.

That means a Democrat in the White House would watch helplessly as gas prices climbed.