Yo, tellycoms dudes,
Thank you for doing your patriotic duty and helping defend Amurka after 9/11! Most people think it’s them soldiers out there in Eye-raq and Afghanistan who’s doin’ the fightin, but you and me both know it’s all about readin’ Jow Blow's emails and listenin’ to Jane Blow's phone calls, and fuck warrants! Don’t you worry 'bout that Congress lawsuit bullshit neither. I got it under control.
PS—just put yer usual deposit amount in mah bank, thanks!
That was fun! Now fer mah pals the Ay-rabs. Those fuckers know how to party! Shee-it, the stories Ah could tell ya… Anyway, me and Dick and them are tight ’cuz we’re all oil men. I know pretty much how they're feelin', not wantin' to increase their output. Ah mean, back when Ah wuz runnin' my company, Ah couldn't increase mah oil output neither, seein's how we never found any oil. Anyways...
Dear Bandar Bush,
Thanks a bunch for continuin’ to fuck the Amurkan taxpayers on gas prices. I shore know how hard it is to find oil, and if ya’ll don’t wanna lower them prices, well, hey—Ah understand ’cuz Ah’m a MBA from Harvard! You demand the dollars, we supply ’em! And it all evens out in the end when you give me and Daddy and Big Dick big bonuses fer keeping ya’ll in Mercedes Benzes and BMW limos!
Let’s hold hands again soon, love,
It's shore a lotta fun havin' ya'll peek into mah affairs durin' the day. Well, bye fer now, and see ya at the bar!