Must-see TV

My personal hero and future president Dr. Monkey von Monkerstein just posted a brilliant and insightful piece about waterboarding and how disgusting it is that our government not only does it, but pretends it’s not that bad. They even have their cronies in the MSM who write pieces on how it’s okay to do it because it's just sooo effective at yielding information on terrorists.

In the post, Dr. Monkey suggested that we waterboard all these BushCo feckers and THEN ask them just how effective and “not that bad” it is, which would, frankly, be a just punishment for their lying-sack-o-shit selves.

However, it occurred to me that we might go one better. Picture this:

Put all the BushCo a-holes, both past and present (Rummy, Condi, Cheney, Wolfie, Kristol, Mukasey, Powell, Babs the Impaler, Crazy Eyes, Jenna and Not-Jenna, all of ’em), into a big room.

Bring in some of these “questioners” who are ordered to waterboard people and let them set-up for their “interrogation”—whatever they need—buckets, water, bags for the heads, etc.

Have the questioners select a person at random from the BushCo studio audience. After all, I’m sure one of them has eaten falafel or couscous or something lately, and we know what a great indicator of terrorist activity that is. They can start with anyone--Cheney, for instance. He’s probably got lots of information in that satanic head of his; let's see how much he'll spill when he's being "questioned."

Force the BushCos to watch as that person is waterboarded. Then another person. Then another. Have a TV camera panning between the torture and the BushCos. None of them will be allowed to leave or look away. I mean, they claim this is an effective tactic that isn’t that bad, right? Shouldn’t be that big a deal. Just a few minutes of waterboarding per person, nothing like day-long sessions or anything.

Broadcast this scene LIVE on prime-time TV. Have ads leading up to the broadcast encouraging everyone to tune in for an important matter of national security.

Then let’s see how long these fuckers last before the American people rise up and throw them bodily out of their government offices and onto the streets of D.C.

Delia reveals a secret

Okay, I have something to tell you guys that I’ve held inside for a while now. I might as well come clean, because I just admitted this stuff in a comment on another blog. It’s very relevant to recent news events, too. And you can file it under “sometimes Delia is just too naïve for words.”

Here it is:

I actually read Bernie Kerik’s autobiography, Lost Son: A Life in Pursuit of Justice, a couple of years ago, and I actually thought he was an okay guy.

There! I said it!

Now let me explain: First, I’m sure I’ve mentioned at least once that I’m going to school again to get a degree in Forensic Science. That's why I'm suffering through the calculus right now. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been fascinated solving crimes. I never wanted to be a cop, though—I wanted to be a private detective or something cool like that, using my brain to solve crimes. I read Sherlock Holmes, Agatha Christie, and even Encyclopedia Brown (I thought Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew sucked). Cops were boring and mean and gave tickets and ate donuts; I wanted to solve crimes.

Later, when I started watching Bill Kurtis’ "Cold Case Files" (the first crime mystery type show ever—the one that started it all!), I knew I wanted to do that stuff—work in a crime lab and look at paint scrapings, or identify handwriting, or examine fingerprints. Something useful—something that would help find criminals and bring them to justice.

As a result of these interests, I have a rather odd library of books: beside all my general science and literature and birding and gardening books, I have titles like Whoever Fights Monsters, The Serial Killer Encyclopedia, MindHunter, Unnatural Death: Confessions of a Medical Examiner, and stuff like that. I absolutely love reading about what makes criminals do what they do, methods to catch criminals, etc. The Kat still gets a little freaked out when I come home with something like “Women Who Kill” or “Blood and Money” or “Helter Skelter” but she’s used it.

So I also love biographies—I’ve read books by cops, profilers, investigators, federal marshalls, and all sorts of people who investigate crimes. (I tend to stay away from the criminal bios, because I don’t want to support them like that; I try not to get dazzled by mafia types, killers, etc.) So when I saw Kerik’s book, and the fact that he was chief of police of NYC during 9/11, I figured what the heck? Might be interesting.

As I said, there were times when he’d drone on about his obviously right-wing beliefs and how big a threat terrorism is, blah blah blah--but I’ve found that many police officers are republicans because they mistakenly think that repubs are tough on crime, pro-police, etc – when all they really want is to make the cops enforce their fascist leanings (see GWBush).

But I digress. So anyway, the book was fairly interesting, and I thought he’d done a good job covering his life and his search for his mother’s killer (though the crime was never solved).

Then about a month after I'd read the book, I happened to catch a news story about Kerik's having possibly done some dirty stuff, using dirty money to redo his apartment, getting money from the Mob, etc. I was shocked, just shocked! Seriously—I just thought that he was an honest cop. At the time, I was taking an Intro to the Criminal Justice System class, and I even mentioned it to my teacher—a former Philly cop. He just shrugged and said there are good cops and dirty cops. I got the sense he didn’t want to talk about it, but it really bothered me. I mean, I knew there were dirty cops, of course. But I had read this guy’s book, and I kinda liked him! I was impressed with the good things he’d done while on the force. How could I have been so blind and so stupid!? And he sure didn’t mention anything about his Mob ties, his ass-kissing of Rudy, fudging his taxes, and all that in the book!

So he was indicted the other day on corruption charges; here’s a few details, from a story on Newsday.com:

_ Accepting $255,000 in renovations to his Bronx apartment -- including a marble entrance rotunda, marble bathrooms and a Jacuzzi -- from a construction firm, in exchange for helping the company get a business license. Kerik had complained to one company official that "he felt like he was on `welfare,"' the indictment says. The company was being investigated for alleged ties to organized crime.

_ Allowing an official of the same company to pay more than $236,000 in rent for another Kerik apartment. _ Failing to report those payments on his financial disclosure forms, on his tax returns and to a state grand jury that investigated him.

_ Getting witnesses to lie about the payments to investigators.

_ Falsely claiming $80,000 in charitable contributions and a home-office deduction on his income tax forms.

_ Not reporting the wages he paid to a nanny for his children and not paying her Social Security and Medicaid taxes.

_ Not reporting royalties from a forward he wrote for a book.

_ Falsifying a mortgage application by not disclosing that he had borrowed -- from a real estate agent doing business with the city -- the money he was using as a down payment.

_ Falsely answering written and oral questions from federal agencies as he applied for federal posts, including homeland security secretary. Kerik ultimately withdrew from consideration for the homeland security post because of tax issues involving his former nanny.

Wow. I’m never surprised anymore at these kinds of indictments. It seems like the higher-up people get, whether it be in law enforcement or politics or big business, the more likely they are to both get money illegally and then try to hide it. It’s like they start to make a little money, and that just makes them want more; then they find that their positions grant them audience with all sorts of people who are ready and willing to give them more money if they’ll just do this or that “small favor,” nothing big, of course! Just use your newfound connections to do a little favor, and I'll help you out with those home renovations you were trying to do, or I'll give your campaign a nice fat check.

I sometimes wonder how these things progress—how someone who originally went into a job to do good gets corrupted and ends up being just as bad a slimeball as the crooks they originally wanted to nail. I’m sure at first, they’re thinking, “well, it’s just this once, and everybody does it, and I’m sure it’s not illegal or they wouldn’t have asked me to do it!” Then before you know it, you’re taking money from crooks just to look the other way, and you’re getting a second apartment for your mistress, and you’re covering it all up nice and neat by just not telling anyone.

In his book, Kerik singled out a few detectives who worked with him when he was a police officer, still working on the streets. He talked about these guys like they were Starsky and Hutch and McGyver and Clint Eastwood, all rolled into one -- hell, that's kinda how he described himself, really. I wonder what those guys think of him now. Maybe they were in on his dealings all along; who knows? Or maybe they’re just as disgusted as I am.

When I was starting to write this post, I googled for the full title of his book, and I saw this--you can get a copy of that cook for a stinkin' penny:

I find it very satisfying that more and more stories are appearing in the national press about the effect this case could have on Rudy Giuliani. Of course, Rudy’s doing all he can to distance himself from Kerik (so much for loyalty and friendship!), but it’s obvious that the two have been pals for a long time to anyone in NYC, anyone who read Kerik’s book, and anyone who remembers the hilariously ironic fact that Rudy suggested to Chimpy Bush that Kerik would make a great head of the Dept of Homeland Security (hard to type those words without throwing up a little in my mouth). It’s going to be delicious if the media finally decide to turn on Giuliani and report this story as it should be reported, with all the juicy background connections between these two crooks. Imagine if Kerik does jail time!

So there—I’ve exposed my deep dark secret that’s been bugging me since all these Kerik stories started coming out. I’m clean now, and you may judge as you see fit.

A peek into the mind of Rudy Jewels

So I’m running for president now, heh heh. I figure it should be almost as easy as running New York City. I mean, I single-handedly got NYC through 9/11, didn’t I? (Didn’t I? Did I? Oh what the fuck, of course I did.)

Yeah, running the world will be a snap. Now all I need to do is show my credentials. When people find out how qualified I am, I’ll beat that Hillary bitch into the fucking ground! Let’s see…
1. Experience—check! I was the mayor a New York City! Scoreboard! Some people say I didn’t learn a damned thing from the 1993 WTC bombing, but I sure as hell did. I bought a bunch more walkie talkies, and I put the emergency management team RIGHT IN THE BUILDING! So our response time could be, like, seconds, not minutes! I was there practically the whole damned time, too. And I did all the photo ops and everything with Bernie and Bush. People love me!

What’s that? What do you mean, “foreign policy experience”? Hello, read my lips: NINE-ELEVEN. How much more foreign can you get?

2. Family values—now here’s where I REALLY shine.

I have like five families, people! And I’m always looking to dump the wife for a new one! I totally know how to do that family, wife, and marriage thing. I’m a lock on this one too!

4. Endorsements—Hmmm. Well. Let me make a few calls first… Okay! Check THIS out, people: Pat friggin’ Robertson! He’s on my side now! All I had to do was say that I wore that dress, said I was pro-choice, and supported gay rights way back when because I did it for MONEY and for votes! He totally understood when I told him that; he knows how it is when you need to get the dollars out of the wallets. Look how we’re pals:
And check me out—here I am praying for Big Business—see how Jesus-y I am?

Man, I can’t wait to be president. Think of it! Judy—or Sally—or Betty—oh whatever the hell her name is—my current wife will be able to do a lot of redecorating, which ought to keep her occupied while I go out and find wife#4. What? Well, OF COURSE I’ll be trading her in for a younger model—she was my Mayor wife! I’ll need a President wife, someone who will be worthy of me when I’m the emperor of the world!

I could find some juicy sweet strawberry like this one:

Or I could find a battle-ax mother figure; that’s worked in the past too:
Ugh--maybe not. Anyway, I’ll pretty much be able to bag anyone when I’m the emperor. Hell, I’ll be able to do whatever I want, thanks to that idiot Bush’s flushing the Constitution down the toilet.

Say hello to my little friend: Bernie Kerik!

It'll be just like Scarface: "First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women." I’ll have all of that and more.

What's my first move as president, you ask? Easy:

BOOM BOOM BOOM, baby! Then here’s what the Middle East will look like:OIL CITY! You think I didn’t learn from watching Bush that it’s all about oil? Sheeeit, mama didn’t raise no fool, people.

Ten random things about me that probably only my mom would be interested in, or maybe Kat

FranIAm tagged me to do this, so I'll do my best to think of ten things about me that are both random and not necessarily that obvious to people who've read my blogs.

ONE—I don’t like chocolate very much. Never have. If it’s combined with peanut butter or almonds, I’ll probably take it. Otherwise, no thanks. It's just not that good to me. I'm not that big a fan of sweets in general. I think I ate way too much candy as a kid and just kinda glutted myself beyond repair.

TWO—I’m a native Texan. But I’ll never live there again – once I saw the rest of the US (especially the East), I knew I’d never go back to Texas.

THREE—We don’t have TV, at least not the broadcast kind. We live in the boonies, so we’d have to get a dish. That means we’d have a million channels, and we’d probably sit and watch Law and Order reruns all fucking day. Instead, we just have DVDs and videos, and we get lots of other stuff done. I miss it sometimes, but it's nice not having to pay that cable/dish bill.

FOUR—I have a master’s degree in English, and now I’m getting a BS in Forensic Science. Way back when there was only Bill Curtis’s Cold Case Files and no CSI-wherever, Forensic Files, Court TV, etc., I became fascinated with crime-solving, but I didn’t want to become a cop. So when they showed crime labs on these shows, I knew that’s what I wanted to do. I don't know if I would be able to deal with dead bodies and blood out in the field, though -- so I'm keeping my options open and will try to study questioned documents or toolmarks or something, so in case I just freeze up (or throw up) at the idea of working a murder scene with a body, I can focus on other stuff and just stay in the lab.

FIVE—I don’t have a middle name. Only one of my siblings got a middle name, and I’ve never figured out why my parents decided to give her one after not giving the other four kids one. I suppose I could ask them what's up, but it’s never really been that important to me. What is annoying is that most people don’t believe me when I tell them I don’t have a middle name; they figure it’s something embarrassing, and I’m just covering it up. Not so. Just don’t have one.

SIX—I’m the middle child of five, but because there was a long break between my older sister and me (3 years, which is long for a Catholic couple like my parents!), it was never like I was neglected or whatever. I was always the peacemaker in my family.

SEVEN—(okay this is getting tougher) I used to want to be a professional musician (okay, okay—a rock star). I started playing the guitar in 10th grade (I taught myself), and I practiced a lot and good pretty good. I was in a band in college—we played covers at the local college pub, etc. When I got my teaching job at 26, I just stopped playing. I think it’s because I was then living with someone for the first time, and I didn’t like practicing and playing and writing songs when there was someone else in the house. After that, I just never got back into it. I miss it sometimes, and sometimes I’ll play a few songs just for fun and I’ll think, “I should do this more often, maybe start playing at the local coffeehouse…” but then I just never do it.

EIGHT—I have flat feet, and as I age, they hurt more. My ankles are always hurting too.

NINE—I’m lazy as hell when it comes to housework. I just hate it. If Kat helps, it’s not so bad, but I have almost zero motivation to just do housework on my own. I love a clean house, but I just don’t want to be the one who has to clean it. Despite the fact that I hate the idea of having a "servant," I hope someday we’ll be rich and I can get a maid--I would pay him or her well, I promise.

TEN—(holy shit, I didn’t think I’d make it this far) I’ve never had any of the typical childhood diseases that people get, and I’ve never had the flu – no mumps, no measles, no chicken pox, no flu. I’ve had walking pneumonia, but that was it. For the most part, I’ve always been very healthy (and lucky). (right now, though, I’m about 30 lbs overweight—but I hate exercise and love junkfood. It’s a curse.)

Okay--now I'm exhausted. All this introspection is tiring.

Congrats to PA dems!

Seems we had ourselves a little EEE-lection last night, and much to mah joy and sue-prize, some things are gonna be changin' 'round these parts!

Oh, sorry. I don't really know where the accent came from. Perhaps it's that elusive "Texas Swagger" that Chimpy McFlightsuit's always supposed to have.

Perhaps I'll throw up a little in my mouth.

Ahem. Anyway, local elections in my area went GREAT last night! Some highlights for Centre County, Pennsylvania:
Debra Ruest beat incumbent repub Jonathan Grine and will be the first woman to serve on the Centre County Court of Common Pleas.

Longtime candidate and all-around nice guy Jon Eich won election to our Board of County Commissioners, along with another newcomer Rich Rogers. Repubs' write-in campaigns failed miserably, and our board is now solidly democratic.

Leslie Dutchcot won a spot as a District judge.

Dems took over the local school board as well, thwarting more repub attempts to write-in their candidates.

The democratic party in State College is pretty strong, having already had success in 2006 with the ouster of everybody's favorite 'phobe Rick Santorum in favor of centrist dem Bob Casey.

Do you remember this classic photo?

I just had to wonder what they told those kids to make them cry and look so terrible. I mean, the little one's only eight--what the hell does she know about politics?

I know! Let's use my combination TimeMachine/Eavesdropper to go back and listen in for a few seconds right before the photo was taken:

Mrs. Saint-R-Us: Kids, we need to go out and speak before the media.

Eight-yr-old-with-doll: Again? Why?

Little round-faced boy: Yeah, mom, why?

Mrs. S: Because Daddy didn't win his re-election, honey! Daddy's out of a job! Remember, I told you this might happen if the heathens of this state got their way!

Older girl: You mean the gays and the liberals defeated Daddy?

Mrs. S: Well, yes, with the help of the devil. You know how strong the devil can be, especially here in Pennsyl-tucky! Those satan-worshipping liberals and gay people hurt Daddy tonight!

Eight-yr-old: Waaaahhhh!!!!

Let the healing begin.

Rumors and Hillary Clinton

Tip o’ the bloggy hat to FranIAm for bringing up this From the Left post about Hillary Clinton and the rumor that she is lesbian. Reading Christopher's original post, I couldn’t help but think that there was something not quite right going on. Let me try to explain:

First, I have never thought Hillary Clinton was lesbian; I just don’t get that feel from her. Much as I’d love to have her on my team, I just don’t think the lady’s got it in her to explore whatever -um- urges she might (or might not) have had. The woman is powerful and has women in key positions around her; to me, this bespeaks her feminism, not lesbianism.

I agree with Christopher that Clinton’s strong poll ratings so far have kept Gore from entering the race. I’d be willing to bet that Gore has considered it, but he knows that Bill and Hillary would likely smash him into bits if he seriously hinted at getting into the race. Right now, Clinton seems unstoppable, but Gore would be a massive distraction. God knows dems don’t need that to happen again. (Nader, party of green?) Gore knows this better than anyone, so he takes the convenient out: he’s more powerful now as a regular citizen than he could be as a politician, and thus why would he get back into politics and take the media’s abuse again? Best to take his Nobel Prize and keep on truckin'. Leave the White House to Bill and Hillary again.

Second, I just can’t help but wonder if all these rumors of an L.A. Times story and all the gossip it’s inciting are merely a more subtle Swift-Boat campaign. Think about it; in its bare essence, the idea of Clinton as a lesbian just sounds like something Rove and his ilk would use to sabotage her campaign. But it wouldn’t be enough to just start the tongues wagging; that’s junior high stuff. No, to be in the Rove/Swift-Boat leagues, you’d have to stir in the idea that the truth is indeed out there, at the L.A. Times, and it’s only a matter of time before the facts come to light. Whether the story ever even materializes would be beside the point; the damage would be done. Because let’s face it – the easiest way to bring down a politician these days is by playing the gay/not-gay card. Card-carrying sicko David Vitter can run around in diapers with female prostitutes, and nothing happens. But closet-case Larry Craig taps his toes and maybe makes a veiled pass at a male cop, and he’s out in the cold faster than he can shout “I’m not gay!” Sadly, DC’s—and America’s—homophobia knows no bounds. Shit, to the radical reich and many religious nutwing voters, gays and lesbians are simply evil. I'm sure the reich are spreading this rumor with a frenzy.

Little wonder that Clinton’s poll numbers are already taking a downturn, which of course some people are claiming is evidence that the rumors are true and already affecting the Clinton campaign. I think that's falling prey to “Post hoc, ergo propter hoc,” or “After this; therefore, because of this;” just because the rumors came before a small drop in her poll numbers does not mean that one caused the other.

Further, combine all this with the (I’m sure) intentionally salacious-sounding hits you get when you google Huma Abedin’s name:





















and it just seems to me like this is all too orchestrated, too convenient. In a race where Clinton has been the big favorite for quite some time, carefully protecting her centrist image and saying all the right things, it just seems very unlikely that this kind of thing could surface unless it were orchestrated by someone. Which leads me to ask: who would orchestrate such a thing? Answer: anyone on the republican side who’s worried about losing the ridiculously excessive power the repubs gained under the BushCo dictatorship.

So those are my thoughts on this issue; what do you think?

Rudy Jewels, Mayor of the Universe!

Thanks to Talking Points Memo for this little item on Rudy's latest campaign claims. To wit,

"One of the key differences between me and all my opponents is I've had the safety and security of 8 million people on my shoulders. Being continually tested in crisis situations gives me the credibility and experience to control our borders."

Wow. Who knew Rudy was so freakin' in control? All those transit and garbage strikes must've forged him into a safety/security superman! WTF do mayors really do, anyway?

My guess is that he thought it would sound impressive to say "8 million people," but let's face it -- I'm no New Yorker, but it seems to me the guy was probably too busy covering for dirty pals like Bernie Kerik, getting rich making speeches, and doing nothing spectacular on 9/11 to actually even come close to having "the safety and security of 8 million people on [his] shoulders." Fecking liar.

I'm hoping that Puking Pumpkin Award Giver D-cap in NY and/or New Yawkuh FranIAm will see this and
Go.
The.
Feck.
Off.
on Rudy for this shite.

As seen on TV

Look what you find when you check out the Reich-wing sites!

WTF?

What is going on here?

Isn't this a little like Mr. KoolAid going postal on the KoolAid factory?

Check out my future!

Like everyone who has an email account, I got A LOT of spam—but not all of it is about increasing the size of my penis. Here’s a little peek into my inbox at some of the subject lines:

I'm sure this will interest you

Win mad sum of money at Backgammon tournament

Show0ff YourNew RolexReplica

Representative from your Country needed

So if I fall behind on blog posting, you'll know that I got interested enough to enter a bigtime backgammon tournament and won some mad money. I would then be living the high life, showing off my -er- replica bling while representin' Amurka. Ta-ta, y'all!

Duh--Rumsfeld was a psycho-liar

For a truly hilarious read, check out this WaPo article on Rumsfeld's memos while in office.

R.I.P, Robert Goulet.

Question: How many repubs can fit in a closet?

Answer: as many as there are stars in the sky, my friends.

Yet another "I'm not gay!" republican admits to having had sex with a man and paying for it, after (of course) claiming it never happened.

Is this some part of the Contract With America that we all missed or something? Will all these crypto-gay hijinks ever end? Seriously, maybe we need to count how many republican senators haven't had sex with male prostitutes or young pages; it might make the counting easier.

A fashion statement and so much more!

Splotchy has a new feature on his blog, the 60-second doodle. I asked him to draw a picture of a feral cat attacking Chimpy, and check out the results:

Now it's on a t-shirt! You too can show your enthusiasm for feral cats attacking GW (look at all that blood!) AND cover your chestages at the same time! For the birders among us, encouraging feral cats to attack Bush instead of songbirds will no doubt help increase songbird populations, so it's a win-win deal!

Order now! Also comes in THONG version, for anyone who can stand the idea of having Chimpy that close to your naughty bits. (Are you listening, Condi?)

A crumb for Matty Boy

Just noticed this Raw Story piece about the Daily Show’s Jason Jones’ interview with Gigantic Child BrideTM Elizabeth Kucinich, so I thought I’d throw a crumb out for Matty Boy, who's a really big fan of the tall red-haired magically delicious beauty. Apparently, Jones's story dealt with whether the country is ready for a “FLILF” (as in MILF).

She is rather hot, no?

I wonder if this photo was taken on her wedding day to the gnome-like presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich.

While I would love to see whether the country is indeed ready for a Kucinich presidency, I doubt we'll have the chance to find out. I'm reading another article right now about how Rove's election-stealing machine is still in high gear and ready to install whatever right-wing wacko pleases the other right-wing wackos.

I want to believe that we won't or can't have a repeat of the 2000 and 2004 elections, where black voters were purged from election rolls en masse, many people were turned away from the polls, Diebold electronic voting machines changed Kerry votes to Bush votes, and the Supreme Court stepped in and crowned Chimpy the new king. But just when I figure they can't possibly do it a third time, along comes an article that shows how oh-so-easy it would be for the reich-wing machine to do it again. Talk about your Halloween scare.

Let's just hope that we can have something approaching a fair election this time around, seeing as how that's supposed to be one of the basic tenets of democracy.

Heckuva job, "Pat"

In a move that could only happen under BushCo, where incompetence and greed are all you need to access wealth and power, it seems the idiot who came up with the staged FEMA press conference has resigned--only to get a job at the Office of the Director of National Intelligence.

Think of the possibilities -- this little Goebbels wannabe at National Intelligence. It gives "irony" a whole new level of meaning and relevance.

Is there no end to the rewarding of unethical actions and criminal behavior under BushCo? Will anyone ever stand up to this joke of an administration? Will any of them ever be held accountable for his or her actions?





UPDATE: Sorghum Crow tells me that the job offer at ODNI was rescinded--ha! I googled around to find out more, but the only story I could find was from a New Zealand newspaper site, which is an interesting fact in and of itself. Here's the screen capture, because you have to see the headline to believe it. The media in other countries must have a ton of fun laughing at us, man.

Going to Cape May today!

Well, it's finally here -- the Cape May Autumn Migration Weekend! I'll be leaving straight from work here in Bellefonte, PA, and heading east. For my soundtrack, I'll probably be playing some of my Don Gibson "Solitudes" series (which is soft music with bird sounds added in--kinda like old-people music, but I like it), plus some hits from Splotchy's dear departed Green Monkey Music Project, and then--who knows. Probably some Ani D and some Indigo Girls. Never let it be said that I don't support my lesbian sistahs in the music biz.

I'm going to blog from the festival, but I probably won't be cruising through my favorite blogs (see my blogrolls to the right) until next week. I'll really miss reading everyone's blogs until then!

All of you, take care!

Grammar blogs for dorks like me

Very few things are as offensive to me as badly punctuated or misspelled signs. It's one thing to misspell words and misuse commas, apostrophes, and such in your own writing. It's another thing entire to assault the world with a sign that reads, "Cake's for sale everyday." There oughta be a law!

As such, back when I lived in Texas and the Great Ann Richards was governor, I wrote her a letter arguing that the state needed a department to regulate all public signage: the Texas Department of Grammar. Agents would drive around the state and inspect any and all signage placed where the public could see it; infractions (from misspelling to bad punctuation, etc.) would result in citations and fines. Great way to generate income for the old state guvmint! If a signage owner got three citations in a year, then he'd lose his right to post signage for one year. I argued that we had to do something to combat all the ignorance and bad grammar for which Texas is famous!

Needless to say, I got a nice form letter from Ann, but no job. (After Ann left, GW ran up the state's first-ever deficit; imagine if I'd been around to generate dollars!) Still, now that the blogosphere is here, people everywhere are forming their own online departments of grammar! It's so great to see that someone else shares my pet peeves for correct grammar and punctuation on signage.

Check out some of these links:

Apostrophe Abuse -- a gold mine of apostrophe errors
Curious Signs -- badly written signs of all kinds
The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks -- a hilarious look at people's obsession with putting things in quotation marks
Apostrophism -- more apostrophe errors

Have fun!

Busted

Now that Dr. Monkey von Monkerstein's photo expose of me as a child has blown the lid off my carefully constructed blog persona, I am now forced to reveal that I was in reality NOT a blond-haired, blue-eyed white kid. I suppose I'll be kicked out of the country club now, dammit. Here are the early years as I remember them:

Age five or six, sleepy at a family party at a cousin's house. When we were little, my parents used to party pretty late! (well, who am I kidding? it was probably around 9:30; young Dguzman just liked her sleep. And still does.)

With my parents, probably around three years old.

In my favorite green cordoroy dress. I loved it!

Stylin' in fourth grade, my first year wearing glasses. And oh what glasses they were.

Why not? It worked so great last time!

The Dallas Morning News is reporting that a deal is pending between the US and Mexican governments to have contractors "train" anti-drug forces in Mexico. Let's file this under "stupid," shall we?

Some highlights of the article, which I found read on the Seattle Times page:

the lede--get ready to laugh: "The U.S. and Mexican governments are expected Monday to announce an anti-drug package that will probably involve hiring private U.S. military contractors to train Mexican troops on the use of new technologies and equipment, senior U.S. officials said." GREAT! Bring Blackwater in, yeah! Pay 'em billions, have 'em kill a few innocent bystanders, and you're also preventing some illegal immigration at the same time! Because you know all those people want to come to the US and take our jobs!

irony incorporated: "The aid package will complement Mexico's annual budget of $7 billion to tackle organized crime." Yeah--good idea. Start by arresting most of the government officials in Mexico, who are often nothing more than thieving thugs.

Incredible.