How the greedy blood-sucking half lives

So Exxon's earnings were down this quarter, yet they still managed to break the record for earnings by an American company--their own record, that is, set the last time they fucked us over for a whole solid year--in 2008 with $45.2 BILLION in profits.

cartoon ©Ed Fischer

This for the company that gave us a drunken oil-tanker captain, a huge oil spill in Alaska, and insurmountable credit card bills for all of us just trying to buy enough gas to get to work and back.

They're really suffering, too! No really!

Irving, Texas-based Exxon said net income slid sharply to $7.8 billion, or $1.55 a share, in the October-December period. That compared with $11.7 billion, or $2.13 a share, in the same period a year ago, when Exxon set a U.S. record for quarterly profit. It has since topped that mark twice, first in last year's second quarter and then with earnings of $14.83 billion in the third quarter. Revenue in the most-recent quarter fell 27 percent to $84.7 billion.

Both the per-share and revenue results topped Wall Street forecasts. On average, analysts expected the company to earn $1.45 a share in the latest quarter on revenue of $69.1 billion, according to Thomson Reuters.

Shares rose $1.52, or 2 percent, to $78.52 in early trading. (my emphases)

Yeah, life really sucks when you don't make quite as much stinkin' blood money as the last time you posted record blood-money profits, and when even your "sharp" decline is STILL better than what those fucking vultures on Wall Street forecasted.

How is this kind of thing legal, as many of us lose money and jobs? Guess there really are two systems of justice: one for the people who are allowed to just keep on chugging, raping the environment and getting financial (and literal?) blowjobs from our oh-so-willing government, and one for the rest of us.

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In other news, Prez O yelled at the filthy corrupt parasites on Wall Street who, despite their tales of woe and misery and bailout billions, managed to give out over $18 billion (collectively) to their loser-idiot execs last year. That's $18 billion of OUR money, folks. Sen. Chris Dodd says he'll be "demanding" that the aiders and abettors at the Treasure Dept get the money back; I'll be neglecting to hold my breath while waiting for that to happen.

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Down in the Land o' Lincoln, Blago the Hair God is OUT.Despite his full-court-press media tour to proclaim he's as innocent and heroic as everyone from Gandhi to Jesus, the Illinois state congress tossed his ass out of their government. Good riddance, you amoral freak.

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And finally--speaking of the filthy and the rich, the 400 wealthiest Americans saw their income jump to an average of $263 million. That's an increase of 23% over the previous year. Wanna know the best part?

"The top 400 paid just more than $18 billion in federal income taxes in 2006, or an average of $45 million, on a record $105 billion in total income — the lowest effective tax rate in the 15 years since the [I.R.S.] began releasing such data." (my emphasis)

Nice to know the tax system is about as "fair and balanced" as Faux Nooz.

And who are these filthy rich? you might well ask. Predictably, the top ten list includes Bill Gates, a quartet of Walmart Waltons (but NOT John Boy, Mary Ellen, Erin, or Jim Bob), a Buffett (not Jimmy), and a Bloomberg (Hello New York!).

Another day in paradise. For them, anyway.