Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Question: How many repubs can fit in a closet?

Answer: as many as there are stars in the sky, my friends.

Yet another "I'm not gay!" republican admits to having had sex with a man and paying for it, after (of course) claiming it never happened.

Is this some part of the Contract With America that we all missed or something? Will all these crypto-gay hijinks ever end? Seriously, maybe we need to count how many republican senators haven't had sex with male prostitutes or young pages; it might make the counting easier.

A fashion statement and so much more!

Splotchy has a new feature on his blog, the 60-second doodle. I asked him to draw a picture of a feral cat attacking Chimpy, and check out the results:

Now it's on a t-shirt! You too can show your enthusiasm for feral cats attacking GW (look at all that blood!) AND cover your chestages at the same time! For the birders among us, encouraging feral cats to attack Bush instead of songbirds will no doubt help increase songbird populations, so it's a win-win deal!
Order now! Also comes in THONG version, for anyone who can stand the idea of having Chimpy that close to your naughty bits. (Are you listening, Condi?)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A crumb for Matty Boy

Just noticed this Raw Story piece about the Daily Show’s Jason Jones’ interview with Gigantic Child BrideTM Elizabeth Kucinich, so I thought I’d throw a crumb out for Matty Boy, who's a really big fan of the tall red-haired magically delicious beauty. Apparently, Jones's story dealt with whether the country is ready for a “FLILF” (as in MILF).

She is rather hot, no?

I wonder if this photo was taken on her wedding day to the gnome-like presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich.

While I would love to see whether the country is indeed ready for a Kucinich presidency, I doubt we'll have the chance to find out. I'm reading another article right now about how Rove's election-stealing machine is still in high gear and ready to install whatever right-wing wacko pleases the other right-wing wackos.

I want to believe that we won't or can't have a repeat of the 2000 and 2004 elections, where black voters were purged from election rolls en masse, many people were turned away from the polls, Diebold electronic voting machines changed Kerry votes to Bush votes, and the Supreme Court stepped in and crowned Chimpy the new king. But just when I figure they can't possibly do it a third time, along comes an article that shows how oh-so-easy it would be for the reich-wing machine to do it again. Talk about your Halloween scare.

Let's just hope that we can have something approaching a fair election this time around, seeing as how that's supposed to be one of the basic tenets of democracy.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Heckuva job, "Pat"

In a move that could only happen under BushCo, where incompetence and greed are all you need to access wealth and power, it seems the idiot who came up with the staged FEMA press conference has resigned--only to get a job at the Office of the Director of National Intelligence.

Think of the possibilities -- this little Goebbels wannabe at National Intelligence. It gives "irony" a whole new level of meaning and relevance.

Is there no end to the rewarding of unethical actions and criminal behavior under BushCo? Will anyone ever stand up to this joke of an administration? Will any of them ever be held accountable for his or her actions?

UPDATE: Sorghum Crow tells me that the job offer at ODNI was rescinded--ha! I googled around to find out more, but the only story I could find was from a New Zealand newspaper site, which is an interesting fact in and of itself. Here's the screen capture, because you have to see the headline to believe it. The media in other countries must have a ton of fun laughing at us, man.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Going to Cape May today!

Well, it's finally here -- the Cape May Autumn Migration Weekend! I'll be leaving straight from work here in Bellefonte, PA, and heading east. For my soundtrack, I'll probably be playing some of my Don Gibson "Solitudes" series (which is soft music with bird sounds added in--kinda like old-people music, but I like it), plus some hits from Splotchy's dear departed Green Monkey Music Project, and then--who knows. Probably some Ani D and some Indigo Girls. Never let it be said that I don't support my lesbian sistahs in the music biz.

I'm going to blog from the festival, but I probably won't be cruising through my favorite blogs (see my blogrolls to the right) until next week. I'll really miss reading everyone's blogs until then!

All of you, take care!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Grammar blogs for dorks like me

Very few things are as offensive to me as badly punctuated or misspelled signs. It's one thing to misspell words and misuse commas, apostrophes, and such in your own writing. It's another thing entire to assault the world with a sign that reads, "Cake's for sale everyday." There oughta be a law!

As such, back when I lived in Texas and the Great Ann Richards was governor, I wrote her a letter arguing that the state needed a department to regulate all public signage: the Texas Department of Grammar. Agents would drive around the state and inspect any and all signage placed where the public could see it; infractions (from misspelling to bad punctuation, etc.) would result in citations and fines. Great way to generate income for the old state guvmint! If a signage owner got three citations in a year, then he'd lose his right to post signage for one year. I argued that we had to do something to combat all the ignorance and bad grammar for which Texas is famous!

Needless to say, I got a nice form letter from Ann, but no job. (After Ann left, GW ran up the state's first-ever deficit; imagine if I'd been around to generate dollars!) Still, now that the blogosphere is here, people everywhere are forming their own online departments of grammar! It's so great to see that someone else shares my pet peeves for correct grammar and punctuation on signage.

Check out some of these links:

Apostrophe Abuse -- a gold mine of apostrophe errors
Curious Signs -- badly written signs of all kinds
The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks -- a hilarious look at people's obsession with putting things in quotation marks
Apostrophism -- more apostrophe errors

Have fun!

Monday, October 22, 2007


Now that Dr. Monkey von Monkerstein's photo expose of me as a child has blown the lid off my carefully constructed blog persona, I am now forced to reveal that I was in reality NOT a blond-haired, blue-eyed white kid. I suppose I'll be kicked out of the country club now, dammit. Here are the early years as I remember them:

Age five or six, sleepy at a family party at a cousin's house. When we were little, my parents used to party pretty late! (well, who am I kidding? it was probably around 9:30; young Dguzman just liked her sleep. And still does.)

With my parents, probably around three years old.

In my favorite green cordoroy dress. I loved it!

Stylin' in fourth grade, my first year wearing glasses. And oh what glasses they were.

Why not? It worked so great last time!

The Dallas Morning News is reporting that a deal is pending between the US and Mexican governments to have contractors "train" anti-drug forces in Mexico. Let's file this under "stupid," shall we?

Some highlights of the article, which I found read on the Seattle Times page:

the lede--get ready to laugh: "The U.S. and Mexican governments are expected Monday to announce an anti-drug package that will probably involve hiring private U.S. military contractors to train Mexican troops on the use of new technologies and equipment, senior U.S. officials said." GREAT! Bring Blackwater in, yeah! Pay 'em billions, have 'em kill a few innocent bystanders, and you're also preventing some illegal immigration at the same time! Because you know all those people want to come to the US and take our jobs!

irony incorporated: "The aid package will complement Mexico's annual budget of $7 billion to tackle organized crime." Yeah--good idea. Start by arresting most of the government officials in Mexico, who are often nothing more than thieving thugs.


A few thoughts on the immigration debate

I've been wanting to weigh in on the issue of illegal immigration, seeing as how it's supposed to be this major issue in the upcoming presidential election.

First, I want to show you a few little tidbits:

Here are some t-shirt designs from a Cafe Press site called "Track 'Em Down":

Invasion? That's a little strong, no? Note that the only border being reddened/secured is the one between the US and Mexico.

Really? I heard a couple speaking French in the mall yesterday, right here in Amurka! Probably "illegals"!

This one really makes me laugh. I've never heard of any illegal immigrants even giving a shit about the flag, much less being "offended" by it; mostly, the ones I've met are concerned with feeding themselves and their families, finding shelter, and just trying to survive.

Some poll results have revealed some interesting viewpoints:
Nineteen percent of blacks said they thought all illegal immigrants should be removed from the country; 35 percent of whites said that. . . .
The races differed more on whether state and local police should turn over illegal immigrants they encounter, even if the immigrants have broken no state or local laws. In such cases, 45 percent of blacks and 61 percent of whites said they believe police should turn over illegal immigrants.
Asked whether people who cannot read or write English should be allowed to vote, 54 percent of blacks said they should, versus 43 percent of whites.

Wow. Who's for bringing back the Jim Crow laws?

Finally, here's some "information" from a web site called Free Republic which purports to tell the whole truth about "illegals":

HALF TRUTH: illegals eventually become assimilated Americans.

TRUTH: Many do. But Most third world illegals come to the U.S. for personal economic reasons. Most do not come to cherish our democratic system. Many so called "immigration rights" groups "fan the fire" with their rhetoric which encourages immigrants to preserve their culture and language at tax payers expense. Among some of these groups, the word "assimilation" is considered xenophobic. When ultimately illegal immigrants and/or their children do become voting citizens, many vote in blocks (Mexican-American, El Salvadoran-American, Guatemalan-American, etc.), not for the good of America, but for personal economic gain usually at the expense of another group.

I don't even know many Americans who would say they "cherish our democratic system." What does that even mean? Do we even have a "democratic system" anymore, when the rigged Supreme Court is deciding election outcomes and Diebold voting machines are changing Kerry votes to Bush votes? And god forbid you should try to retain your own identity and culture. Strange, I don't see anyone trying to get the Amish around here to come into the 21st century. And who knew there was such a conspiracy brewing among these radical immigrant groups? Not just voting, but voting en masse! Against "the good of America"! The web site had no documentation of just how they found out these "facts," but I'm sure they "just know." Of course, there are also plenty of people (including me) who "just know" that radical right republicans often vote in blocs, "not for the good of America, but for personal economic gain" and definitely at the expense of most Americans who don't support the Iraq war, the theocracy, and the ridiculous spending and social policies of this administration. No one seems to mind this, however.

I sometimes worry about the ever-growing population in this country, no matter where the growth is coming from. I think that people who come here should probably do it legally and try to become citizens, unless they're planning to go back to their home countries. However, the obvious fact is that these anti-immigration zealots aren't so much against illegal immigrants in general as they are against illegal immigrants from Mexico.

Why doesn’t anyone seem to be freaking out about our porous Canadian borders? That story came and went in one news cycle. And what about Europeans who come here illegally? Somehow, these immigrants don’t merit the scorn that those from Mexico do. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the Western European/Arian features many of these Canadians and Europeans have. And I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that Mexicans are viewed by many people I’ve met as dirty; uneducated; and worthy only of housekeeping, ditch-digging, and farm work.

What I wish is that these people for "building the wall" and "booting 'em out" would just admit that they're racist, that they hate Mexicans and hispanics in general. Admit that they don't want my dark-skinned, dark-eyed, dark-haired, Spanish-speaking brothers and sisters here (unless of course they need a housekeeper). Admit that anyone from Western Europe or Canada or Russia can come here, and they can bring their blonde hair, blue eyes, and sexily-accented English right along with them. Admit that while they love those Tostitos chips and Pace picante sauce and Taco Bell, they really DON'T want those greasy, sombrero-wearing kids in public schools and on any kind of public assistance--because all Mexicans and by extension all hispanics are pretty much lazy, sleeping-under-a-cactus losers who just want to sponge off the precious American way of life, right?

I have some questions for these anti-immigration, “track ’em down” zealots:
Why is it that people knowingly and willingly hire illegal immigrants to care for their children and homes, their gardens, their farm crops, and their gardens, yet those same employers will vote for tougher immigration laws? If these Americans don’t believe these immigrants should be here illegally, why do they so often hire them, thus enabling them to stay?

Most importantly, why are these people wasting time and energy, distracting this nation from the truly important issues we face--the Middle East situation, our out-of-control military spending, the spoiling of our environment, our continued reliance on oil, our dangerously theocratic government?

UPDATE--I just had to add this little gem of an article. Highlight: some NH idiot saying aloud at a McInsane town hall meeting: "I don't know how we're going to export 11 million people, but maybe if we made them all talk English, we might get somewhere." YEAH--GREAT IDEA! Man, I just love it when these bigots show their ignorance.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Fucking psychopath hits 24%

He’s finally done it: Bush’s “approval rating” has hit 24%, an all-time low for him, and equal to the lowest-ever: Nixon’s during Watergate. If there’s one thing this guy knows how to do better than anyone, it’s how to fuck up everything he touches.

In light of this fact, one would think by now that:
1. the will of the people in this country is clear: BushCo is a complete and abject failure, providing no leadership and in fact endangering the future of this country as we fight two losing wars and hear constant saber-rattling to start yet another, and
2. because we live in a representative democracy where the elected are there to do the will of the people, that
3. the elected would figure out that the people they represent want this clown and all his toadies OUT, and thus
4. SOMEONE would start impeachment hearings on this whole administration of thieves, liars, and arrogant pricks.

This little train of thought seems quite clear to me, has seemed quite clear to me since I started this blog over a year ago. So why hasn’t it happened? Why do we have all these do-nothing inquiries and senate panels and truth-finding commissions digging into the various misdeeds and outright lawbreaking of BushCo, yet NOTHING has been done? And from all appearances, nothing WILL be done? How can such obvious criminals get away with murder, theft, and other crimes with impunity? How can we continue to stay on this course of madness?

There’s really only one answer, and it’s one that I’m loathe to face. Achem’s Razor tells us that, all things being equal, the simplest answer is probably the correct one. The simplest answer to all these questions is this: They’re all in it together. There is no difference whatsoever between the beliefs and actions of ANYONE, dem or repub, in Washington. Every elected official in D.C. is quite plainly on board with what BushCo is doing. Oh, they can rant and pretend to “give ’em hell” and make their statements about how something is going to change!, yet nothing has changed.

Domestic spying without warrants? Still got it.
War in Iraq? Still got it.
Questions about what really happened and why on 9/11? Still got ’em.
Corruption and partisanship in Justice? Still got it.
Astronomical bilking of billions of dollars by govt contractors, who received no-bid contracts to kill innocent Iraqis at will, overcharge for all their “services,” and basically rob us and our descendents blind? Still got it.
Politicians who lie, disregard ethics, and do nothing? Still got ’em.
Country going to hell in a fucking handbasket? Still going, and going fast.

What do the people do when their government isn’t theirs anymore? When the rulers basically work in a vacuum where the ruled and our needs make no difference whatsoever?

Here again, there’s only one answer. And I’m loathe to face it too. But you know and I know what it is. It starts with an “R” and ends with “evolution.”

Now where do we begin?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Because I'm mean like that

Some things are so damned funny that you just have to laugh, no matter whose feelings you hurt. All you U of Rhode Island alums, I apologize in advance for what I'm about to do. I realize how sacred school mascots are to certain people; I mean, I live in Happy Valley, PA, where this clown is revered:

The PSU site labeled this pic as "normal push-up" -- looks more like "he shot me! that mo-fo shot me!" to me, but whatever. Anyway, all the little PSU kiddies go. fecking. nuts. for this "lion" that looks like a bear with tennis shoes on. So I have no room to talk. (Especially seeing as how I'll probably BE shot if any of these rabid PSU fans catch me making fun of the lion.)

However ...

I bring you the mascot of the University of Rhode Island, as seen on the internets:

All right now ... W. T. F. is happening here? What IS this thing? It's got ram's horns, but a dog's face. Look at it -- it's McGruff, you know it is:

And what's with the crazy stance? And the spindly arms held out like he's cruising by on his skateboard circa 1977?

Look at his little shoes:
It's like Mickey Mouse on crack.

So I had to wail on him, this sad little uncoordinated dog-ram. I'm sure there's a nice man or woman under the suit. However, I had to wail on him. Because I'm mean like that.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Look out, Texas!

I read on Talking Points Memo that creepy-crazy-disciplinarian senator and Fox Nazi Channel fave Kay Bailey Hutchison is not running for re-election in the next senate race, and may be gearing up for a run at the governorship. Holy shit.

Her remarks re the governor's race in 2010: "It's too early to be gearing up. I don't want to peak in 2007 for a 2010 race. Would I like to do it? Yes. A lot of things have to happen to make it a reality. You can't plan that far ahead with certainty." (Quoted on TPM)

The whole idea of her running for governor of TX and then potentially using that as a springboard to bigger things (the woman is nothing if not politically ambitious) is almost as frightening as GW doing it.

Okay, let's look at the history of old KBH and see what we've got:
1. Once pinched an aide's arm--hard--and threw a book at another aide for doing something she did not approve of. Apparently, this is common practice under her strict regime, where her batshit-crazy temper gets the best of her.
2. Used state employees and resources for her own political activities, then ordered documentation shredded; however, the case was conveniently bounced on a technicality. She could've (and by many accounts should've) gone to jail, were it not for DA Ronnie Earle's weirdness over the case. He took a ton of heat for daring to go after her at all; it was "ungentlemanly" in most Texans' eyes. (I'm rolling my eyes right now.)
3. She's a republican. From Texas. Need I say more?

Look out, my old home state. Look out.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Way to go, Al!

Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore
poses on a sofa in the "Abaton" cinema
during a promotion visit for
his movie "An Inconvenient Truth",
in Zurich, Switzerland 07 Oct 2006
Don't you feel like the cutline for that photo should've been something like "Gore. Al Gore."

Our should've-been-President Al Gore and a group of scientists working through the UN as the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change have won the Nobel Peace Prize for their work studying and publicizing global warming.

I saw some rumblings on Fox Nazi Channel yesterday (thanks to the 24/7 channel-is-stuck-on-Fox tv in the cafeteria at my work). I'm sure they were less than enthusiastic, but I didn't pay enough attention to know for sure.
I think it's fitting that a man who's worked all his life for good causes should get this recognition. Let's hear it for the boy.
Now let's imagine that the Supreme Court awarded to Gore the presidency that he'd already won. Think hard with me, children; let's look at how different our country and our world would be. Why don't I throw out a few ideas, and then I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.

The first difference is a gimme: There's no way we'd be in Iraq. Period.

Second, I wonder whether the events of 9/11/01 would even have happened. Some might say it was inevitable, but I think BushCo did more than a little bit to ensure it went as horribly bad as it did. Your thoughts?

Third, how different would the government's response to Katrina have been? Think of the bureaucratic bullshit created by BushCo, with all his idiot cronies and Heckuvajob Brownies in charge, that wouldn't exist under Gore. Would as many people have died? Would they have gotten better FEMA response before, during, and after the storms (I'll add Rita into the mix)? I daresay YES.

So--am I just looking through Gore-colored glasses? Would we still be in the shitter with Gore as president? Let me hear from ya.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

It's Instanbul, Not Constantinople

I see Turkey has now decided to become the USA of the middle east and is about to start a full-scale Iraq war of their own. I'm sure it's because the Iraqis hate their freedoms too. Or perhaps it's that Turkey, like every country in the world!, wants to be just like the USA -- mired in uncontrolled debt, torturing whomever they please, and making billions for their personal contractor friends. It's the american way, after all.

Holy shit.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Disappointment 101

I've always been a sports fan, usually professional sports, but the Olympics have held a magical hold on me since I was a kid. I watched the Winter and the Summer Games with my mom and sisters through Soviet pairs figure-skating domination, USA hockey finally beating the Russians, Dorothy Hamill, Katerina Witt, Nancy Kerrigan (snicker), and Michelle Kwan; through Olga Korbut, Nadia Comenici, Mark Spitz, Dwight Stones, Bruce Jenner, Carl Owens, Michael Johnson, and Marion Jones. We all joined in on the "Wow, those East German women look like guys with all those steroids they take!" jokes, all the "That Ben Jonson's a cheater!" stuff, and everything. I always held American athletes to a higher standard on the banned-substance scale. "We might not win every medal, but we earned the ones we did win fair and square, no steroids!" I'd tell myself.

It seems like you hear tales of steroid usage more and more often these days, but I've always been able to ignore it when it comes to my favorite Olympic athletes. I would just say, "prove it!" FloJo? No way. Not her. She was just that good. She's never tested positive. Marion Jones? Hell of an athlete, and pure talent and muscle. Never tested positive.

FloJo passed away before they could pin anything on her. Marion Jones, however, just had the tail pinned on her ass: steroids. From 1999, through that amazing five-medal performance ("The Drive for Five") in the 2000 Games. Through several comeback attempts and injuries and walk-offs and failures. How did such an amazing athlete fall so fast? I remember watching her drive for five, wanting her to win because she was so cute and so strong. And she seemed so pure, dedicated to her sport and doing it the right way. When the rumors started to swirl, I thought, "No way. Not her."

When I heard the story on NPR, in which she admits now that she was taking steroids--though OF COURSE she thought it was flaxseed oil!--I yelled "NOOOOOO!!!!" in the car (which scared the hell out of Kat, let me tell you). No way! Not her! What next? Lance Armstrong was doing chemo and 'roids at the same time, polishing it all off with a hot-lovin' session with Sheryl Crow and another Tour de France win? Muhammed Ali floatin' like a butterfly and doing "the clear"? Mary Lou Retton on HGH? Kristi Yamaguchi on--what--testosterone, for pete's sake?!

I have NEVER been one to idolize sports figures, pro or amateur, as "heroes." But I have watched them compete, grown to like some of them for their smiles, or their fire, or their amazing talent. And this is hitting me hard, man. Maybe it's just the fact that she's a woman, not some Russian weight-lifter or Barry Asshole Bonds. I don't know. But I still remember watching her win those medals and being proud of her achievement, dazzled by her smile and her speed. "The fastest woman in the world!" It makes me sad to learn that it was all fake, no better than McGwire on Andro, or Bonds on god-knows-what.

Toe-tapping buddies?

And I thought all the bleeding-hearts were on the dem side of the aisle. Now we hear this from Sen. John Ensign, R-Nevada about our favorite friend of Dorothy, Larry Craig (R-estroom):
courtesy of the AP:
"Senator Craig gave us his word" that he would resign.... "I wish he would stick to his word."
"It's embarrassing for the Senate, it's embarrassing for his party," Ensign said. Asked if Craig's staying would be a distraction for the party, Ensign said: "It may be a personal distraction for me."

What's this about? Feeling blue after a breakup?

Thursday, October 04, 2007

A friend sent me an interesting little quiz to help people find which candidate most represents their opinions on "big" issues.

And which candidate did I find synched up best with my positions? Who else?
It's official. I have to vote Kooch!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Not feeling too optimistic today

Every day that the struggle goes on in Myanmar, we learn more and more about what’s really happening there. From the beginning, I figured the news reports were probably revealing only half the truth; after all, it’s difficult if not impossible for journalists to get into Myanmar to see and talk to the people involved in the protests against the military junta’s rule.

It seems that expecting “half the truth” was being overly optimistic. The stories go from bad
in Amy Goodman’s Democracy Now!: (“as many as 500 monks were taken away in military trucks” and “military forces have killed at least eight people”)
to worse in the UK’s Daily Mail: (“Thousands of protesters are dead and the bodies of hundreds of executed monks have been dumped in the jungle, a former intelligence officer for Burma's ruling junta has revealed.”)

Who knows what the whole truth really is, or how much worse this will get. The same goes for Darfur, and Iraq, and Afghanistan, and all the other global hotspots.

I just wonder how much longer this spinning ball of hell we live on can keep spinning before it just flies apart? And when it does fly apart, what will happen then?

My newly adopted actor

This past weekend we finally watched The Constant Gardener, and I decided right away that the beautiful Rachel Weisz needed a home. My home. As such, I've filed the paperwork and paid the necessary bribes to bring Rachel to sunny Central PA! I'm so excited. She's just so dreamy:

Welcome to my humble abode, Rachel. Put your Oscar on any shelf you like:

and make yourself at home. Why, yes, I did build this bookcase with my own two hands. But I didn't write all the books on it....