Thursday, November 06, 2008

A dark blot on the bright hope cloud

It's hard to be snarky in these days of luminescent giant rainbows and heavy glitter rainshowers falling on the USA since Obama won, but there are some dark spots in our sunny republic: Apparently it's still too close to call up in Alaska where Sen. Ted Stevens (Con, Victed) is running for reelection despite the fact that he's currently awaiting sentencing on his 7-count felony fraud conviction.

I heard some crazy Alaskan lady on NPR the other day talking about how he had not been judged by a jury of his peers but by "a bunch of lower-48 people" who don't know anything about what they do and how they do it up there in The Last Frontier. Her voice was even more gratingly annoying than Caribou Barbie's, believe it or not. A bunch of Stevens' supporters commented about how their guy couldn't have done anything wrong, and how they were still voting him. It's just us crazy "lower-48"ers who don't understand!

Why don't they just secede and get it over with?

Possibly my favorite one-line paragraph ever can be found in the story I linked to above:
Stevens went home late Tuesday to get some sleep.
TMI, anyone? I don't really care to know such details that force me to imagine him in his bedroom, disrobing, revealing his wasted bony carcass, just before he drags his bones into bed. Eeewww!!! So let's speculate on what else he might have done:

He "went home late Tuesday to"___________. Fill in the blank in the comments section, folks!


Randal Graves said...

I used to be a proponent of swapping Texas for Puerto Rico, that way we wouldn't have to change a single flag, but if Alaska is that fucking nuts, then we'll just keep Texas.

Sorghum Crow said...

He went home Tuesday to judge the synchronized weasel stomping and toilet paper origami competition.

Anonymous said...


Obama is going to unite us all, get on the Obama train.

enc said...

"pray to gawd he wouldn't have to go to jail with his cohorts.'

Anonymous said...

...practice tapping his feet for the men's bathroom stall scene of Larry Craig's new porn flick "No Bathroom for Old Men"

dguzman said...

Randal--or swap PR for Alaska. Works for me!

SorCrow--don't forget the log-gnawing.

Anon--um, it's secede, honey. I don't know if Obama will unite us all, but he'll unite enough of us. He already has!


Spartacus--whoa! He shoots, he scores! Brilliant!

Matty Boy said...

Alaska had lower voter turnout in 2008 than in 2004.

There's a smelly fish in this!