Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Do women really buy this shit?

Ah -- a trip to JoAnn Fabrics is never without some amusement for me, but this last time I just about got arrested after seeing this display. "The Shirley."

The little old ladies who cut the fabric were not amused at my disdain, and when I pulled out my cellphone camera I think they wanted to throw me out of the store.

"The Doris." Please, Fran's god, tell me that NO ONE actually purchased any of these items, unless it was someone doing her doctoral dissertation in Women's Studies on the fucking assholery of sexist marketing!
And of course, you can't have "woman" stuff without some stupid reference to SHOPPING, because that's ALL we bitchez do! That is, when we're not mouthing off to our hen-pecked husbands and boyfriends!

All I could think was, "Where's Whiskey Marie when you need her? She'd effing GO HOUSE on this shit."

I also found this:
Words fail me. I was so hoping someone would buy one of these; sadly, no one did. Perhaps like me they were appalled at the idea of displaying such grammar faux pas in their gardens.


Kidding! I actually found this at the hardware store, not JoAnn Fabrics, but Kat wouldn't buy it for me. Dammit! I know just how Ralphie felt.

You'll put your eye out, indeed.


CDP said...

One would hope that those aprons were offered with some trace of irony, but I bet they weren't. Sons of bitches! Bumpasses!

That's my favorite line from A Christmas Story, and your introduction of the Red Ryder was the only reason I needed to add it to my comment.

Anonymous said...

CDP made me laugh with the Bumpasses comment.

Now, about those aprons. If I had money to burn, I'd buy them to be funny. In fact, I have a ruffly apron that I wear sometimes when I'm baking. Just for effect, of course.....not because I'm pretending to be Donna Reed or anything.

Mountjoy said...

I think I've seen Pickles in one of those aprons over at Tengrain's blog!

Sorghum Crow said...

Gott im Himmel.
The aprons look like something from mcphee.com. They specialize in kitsch. Where else could you buy a sushi rug, a bacon air freshener and a pack of zombie action figures, all on a single web site.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

One of those aprons would be perfect to wear whilst presenting a women's study dissertation, if one had done their PhD on 50's housewifery.

Are you sure the sprinkle of love item wasn't actually some sex toy?

dguzman said...

CDP--I didn't sense even a hint of irony--I think they even tried to "soften" the sexism of it with the word "diva" as if that made it all better! Assholes! OMG "bumpasses"--that one kills me too.

DCup--that CDP's a good egg! Now I can see you in The Shirley or The Hildegard or whatever, but given your sense of whimsy, I think you'd probably be wearing nothing underneath. Now THAT would be an "effect"!

Mountjoy--OMG, welcome to my bloggy! I'm SURE Pickles has one, only it's the "Valley of the Dolls" model.

Sorghum--That mcphee's place is AWESOME. I often want to buy everything on the whole site.

Barbara--I never thought of it that way--but again, there was no irony. Besides--I'm no dominatrix or anything, but I still can't imagine a scenario in which a thin slab of "rock" would be -er- useful in sex. But hey--maybe I'm just not being creative enough?

Randal Graves said...

All your friendship belong to us!

We should chip in and get one of those aprons and send it to Babs. I'm sure she'd wear it.

Liberality said...

am I the only one to notice how stategically placed those grapes on the first apron are? I really thought it was a joke or something!

GETkristiLOVE said...

I must rush right out and find "The Shirley" for my next Ho photo shoot. I wonder if it will fit over my breezers...

vikkitikkitavi said...

First of all, I would totally wear either of those aprons. They're flippin sweet.

BUT, I have a rule that I do not buy products with "Diva" in the title, so I would have left JoAnn's apronless, I guess.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to post a pic of me an my apron just for you, Delia!

Dusty said...

Well fuck me running..I found that shit disgusting as all get out.

But then, I don't hang out at JoAnn's fabric store and after that..I swear I will never darken their door.

FranIAm said...

Sorry I am late to the party- you know with all my floor mopping, baking from scratch and all that other "Shirley" shit 'n stuff, I had no time for blogging!

He/She is not my own personal God despite what many "Shirleys" and others tell you about their "personal Jesus" but I always bitch to Him/Her about crap like this.

Sorry you did not get the carbines!

karenzipdrive said...

I love the top apron with the grapes over the naughty bits.
WTF were you doing at a fabric store? I may have to remove your butch credentials.

Mauigirl said...

I saw a Red Ryder in an antique store a few weeks ago. I love that story too...

I can't believe those aprons.