Friday, February 08, 2008

A look inside our government


Hey there, fellow Amurkins! I guess ya'll done caught me: Ah'm on mah way to make shore the Senate doesn't fuck me over on that domestic spyin' bill! Don't they know that the turrists are gonna come over here unless Ah kin read every dang e-mail and hear every phone call ya'll make? It's like they want the turrists to win! By the way, Hank Greene in Peoria, ya better stop talkin' to yer maw that way on the phone, ya asshole.


Let's go in here and talk some sense into these bloated wasteful spenders!













Lookie here, it's mah buddy Harry Reid! Hey, Hairy Reedpecker, how's it hangin'!? Heh heh--they love it when Ah talk all bi-partisan with 'em! Heh heh, right, Hairy?














And hey, that Nancy Pelloony or whatever her name is, is here too! Hey there! I luv how she always helps me out with mah legislatin'. Sometimes, Ah think she kinda "likes" me, you know whut Ah mean?



See here?



She once told me she had a secret that only Ah could hear, and she tried to git me to look at her pearls, if ya know what Ah mean!


Ah told her Ah'z married and all, and she better get back to her seat before Ah had to pray fer her!






Ah mean, lookit what Ah got waitin' fer me back at the Oval Office:





Whoa, okay--she looks kinda scary there...





















Anyway, Ah got somethin' to say to ya'll do-nothin' congresspeople!








Here's how it's gonna be: Ah'm the decider, and I decide what goes 'round here. The sooner ya'll get that, the sooner we'll get to be bi together! Bi-partisan, that is! heh heh heh!




















Now we're gonna pray! Oh heavenly father... not my stupid asshole father on earth who thought he was soooo smart and I was soooo dumb, and he thought Jeb is the smart one, Jeb is the purty one, Jeb is the one who's gonna be prezdint! Well, Ah showed you, you damned half-wit!
Amen!


















Now if you assholes don't do what Ah say, I'll grab holt of yer little danglins like this, with the tips of mah fingers, and then Ah'll squeeze the shit out of 'em! Ya'll comprende? That there's Spainish, that Ah learnt from mah mexican maid Cha-cha.


Now, shut up and gimme another $75 million.

15 comments:

Mary Ellen said...

The scary thing is....all of that is closer to the truth than I want to think about.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Dang, you talk presdint real good. You busy for the next four or eight years?

Dr. Zaius said...

You misprepresent the leaders of the Democratic congress. Don't be mean to Nancy Pelosi!

FranIAm said...

Holy crap you are too funny! And as much as I love Dr. Z, the Nancy Peloony or whatever you called her still should stay!

Randal Graves said...

Muahahahahahaha!

GETkristiLOVE said...

Condoleeza always looks scary.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Ok, I admit it, he scared me and now I'll do anything he wants. NOT.

LET'S TALK said...

That's about the way things seem to be to me at this time about this President and the House and Senate.

phil_in_ny said...

Great post! M-E'S right, I'm sure these things have actually happened.

Freida Bee said...

I love this post!! My favorite is Bush's prayer. You speak the language of "The Shrub" very impressively.

dguzman said...

Now, I was only reporting--fairly and accurately, I might add--the very words uttered by our commander in chimp. I can't help his idiocy; I'm just reportin' the news, yo.

Mary Ellen said...

I also have to mention..I just love the pic of Condi Rice. LOL! I never saw that one before. Man, she's a scary broad, ain't she?

karenzipdrive said...

If you skipped the phoenetic spelling, those remarks could have been taken verbatim without anyone questioning their authenticity.
Damn, I'm tired of that ignorant son of a bitch.
I'd be embarrassed to live in Texas except for knowing that he was born and educated in New England.

dguzman said...

ME--I got that from Princess Sparkle Pony's site. She has the best Condi pics.

Karen--I hear ya. I don't claim him as a Texan either. He's just another transplant phony. We native Texans can spot 'em a mile away.

karenzipdrive said...

I wish to hell Bush would go back to Kennebunkport after he leaves office. Now that he's soon to be a nobody, he no longer needs the fake cowboy image.
I say let him go back to his yachting clothes and all that boozing and cocaine snorting, that phony fuck.