Friday, February 08, 2008
A look inside our government
Hey there, fellow Amurkins! I guess ya'll done caught me: Ah'm on mah way to make shore the Senate doesn't fuck me over on that domestic spyin' bill! Don't they know that the turrists are gonna come over here unless Ah kin read every dang e-mail and hear every phone call ya'll make? It's like they want the turrists to win! By the way, Hank Greene in Peoria, ya better stop talkin' to yer maw that way on the phone, ya asshole.
Let's go in here and talk some sense into these bloated wasteful spenders!
Lookie here, it's mah buddy Harry Reid! Hey, Hairy Reedpecker, how's it hangin'!? Heh heh--they love it when Ah talk all bi-partisan with 'em! Heh heh, right, Hairy?
And hey, that Nancy Pelloony or whatever her name is, is here too! Hey there! I luv how she always helps me out with mah legislatin'. Sometimes, Ah think she kinda "likes" me, you know whut Ah mean?
She once told me she had a secret that only Ah could hear, and she tried to git me to look at her pearls, if ya know what Ah mean!
Ah told her Ah'z married and all, and she better get back to her seat before Ah had to pray fer her!
Ah mean, lookit what Ah got waitin' fer me back at the Oval Office:
Whoa, okay--she looks kinda scary there...
Anyway, Ah got somethin' to say to ya'll do-nothin' congresspeople!
Here's how it's gonna be: Ah'm the decider, and I decide what goes 'round here. The sooner ya'll get that, the sooner we'll get to be bi together! Bi-partisan, that is! heh heh heh!
Now we're gonna pray! Oh heavenly father... not my stupid asshole father on earth who thought he was soooo smart and I was soooo dumb, and he thought Jeb is the smart one, Jeb is the purty one, Jeb is the one who's gonna be prezdint! Well, Ah showed you, you damned half-wit!
Now if you assholes don't do what Ah say, I'll grab holt of yer little danglins like this, with the tips of mah fingers, and then Ah'll squeeze the shit out of 'em! Ya'll comprende? That there's Spainish, that Ah learnt from mah mexican maid Cha-cha.
Now, shut up and gimme another $75 million.