Monday, September 29, 2008

An "orgy of" impressions about the debate

"I must break you." "Go for it."

My notes from Friday's Obamassacre of McDramaQueen, which the press is saying Obama won:
Obama looks so tall and strong! McOld's like a hunchback. Why is he wearing a peppermint stick for a tie?

"an energy bill, festooned with Christmas ornaments"???? Who in the last fifty years has used the word "festooned"???? What a Mcmaroon.

OBAMA: 10 years to MidEast oil independence, health care reform, invest in math/science/education, make college affordable, invest in infrastructure/upgrade electric grid for alternative energies, expand broadband lines to rural areas. Nice work!
McOLD: cut spending, eliminate ethanol subsidies, no more cost-plus contracts, examine every agency. Uh--boy, that's sweeping reform.


Mc: "A healthy economy and no raised taxes is probably the best recipe for economic recovery." WTF?

Obama: "orgy of spending" !! Woo hoo!

that's the second time McFuckup's talked about how he wasn't "voted Miss Congeniality" -- that's because you're a prick, John. "And that is idependent and a maverick of the Senate." WHAT? And only one use of "my friends"!?

Lessons of Iraq:
McFU: "cannot have a failed strategy that will cause you to almost lose a conflict."
Is there someplace in America right now where a group of McIdiots are saying, "DAMN RIGHT, JOHN! I don't understand what the fuck you're saying, but you're DAMN RIGHT!"

Obama: 16-month phaseout, focus on Afghanistan, capture and kill Osama Bin Laden.

McFU: OMG is he really going to go Charlie Wilson's War on us and talk about how we didn't keep up the work in Afghanistan in the 80s???? Holy shit. "they've intermarried with Al Qaeda and the Taliban!" WTF!? "I know how to work with them" he keeps saying he knows how to work with people. Like "FUCK YOU! I KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS THAN ANYONE IN THE ROOM!"-work with them? Like that?

BOOM! Obama talked about someone who's "sung songs about bombing Iran" -- ZING!

McFU: What's with the hunchback whispery-panic-drama voice?

Obama--calm, cool. Needs to speak up louder when McF lies. "That's not true." He spent the whole time correcting and clarifying McEffYou's lies.

Can't wait for Biden-Painful debate!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Mr. President

After reading this, I couldn't help but think of this:
'Cause both Dr. Monkey and Obama make me calmer about the future.

Proof that corn growers are waaay over-subsidized

a tip o' the Dallas Cowboys cap to Princess Sparkle Pony for finding this photo:

This undated photo released by Duke Wheeler shows a corn maze rendering of Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin at Wheeler Farms in Whitehouse near Toledo, Ohio. The 16-acre cornfield has been carved up in the likeness of the candidate. (AP Photo/Duke Wheeler, HO)
The worst part? That the AP attempted a corn/maize pun but then didn't have the guts to go through with it:

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Thieves: 700 billion, Us: 0


Wave goodbye to President Obama's ability to do anything but punt and give some stirring speeches during his first administration.

Some quick-hit observations

That depends on what your definition of "suspend" is...
Back when Mittens Romney realized there was no way he'd be the repug presidential candidate, the media announced that he had "suspended his campaign." He was out of the running, according to MSNBC; he'd "dropped out of the presidential race" and effectively crowned McFossil as the candidate.
Yesterday, the media used the same language to describe McFossil's
delay tactics to get out of the debate with Obama tomorrow. Yet no one is saying that his campaign is over. Hell, even Staring Painful is squawking about suspending HER campaign (as though it's a separate one?). Everyone on the GOP side is suspending everything, yet McFossil/Painful is still in the running for the presidency/VP.

Why is that? Why don't we just say, "hey--'suspend' basically means you're out, so Obama wins by default. Thanks for playing." Why is this suspension different?

State is state and federal is federal, and never the twain shall meet...
So McFossil's running to Washington to play senator, roll up his sleeves, yell "Fuck you!" at anyone who disagrees with him, and magically solve this whole bailout (of his pals) thing. Oh boy, do I feel better now!

Politico has pointed out that, "As the governor of Alaska, Palin cannot participate in the high-level federal government deliberations on the economy," which of course stands to reason. But I'll bet you almost any amount of money that Painful will appear (on Faux Noise, where else?) so often that you'd think she was fucking heading the bailout package negotiations. These assholes will do anything to prop up that psycho-dingbat.

Surely it's a coincidence!
I'm sure that all this Maverick-goes-to-Washington-so-he-can't-possibly-debate! crap has nothing to do with these little happenings:
--McCain's poll numbers
--McCain's lobbyists I mean campaign advisors
--the fact that the debate is supposed to start at 9pm, which is waaaay past Johnny War's nite-nite time

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Holy shite!

McFossil's trying to delay the Friday debate, claiming he's got to D.C. to help clean up the financial pile o' shit he and his buddies created!

Check this out:
According to the source, McCain wants to create a "political free zone" until a deal is reached on legislation for a $700 billion bailout of the financial industry.

McCain said he wants President Bush to convene a leadership meeting in Washington that would include him and Obama.

"It has become clear that no consensus has developed to support the administration's proposal," McCain said. "I do not believe that the plan on the table will pass as it currently stands, and we are running out of time."
(from the piece linked to)

More lovely photo bias! with split-second update!

Some of my favorite things to find on the interwebs are examples of "photo bias," a concept I learned about waaaay back in my college journalism courses. Here's a beautiful example I spotted on the WaPost's Web page a while back, where a news organization paired a story with a hilariously inappropriate photo.

There are less sophistocated forms too, like printing a photo that depicts, for instance, a politician in a less-than-appropriate-looking snapshot. We're all familiar with this one, for instance:
and we've used it to high-larity many times. God only knows where the original came from (if you know, please tell me!), but whoever did it first was pure. stinkin'. genius.

But when you can put the great headline with the great (aka funny) photo, you can make photo-bias magic. Talking Points Memo's people effing HAVE THIS SHIT DOWN:
"zzzzzz... Oh, yeah--it's grave. It's a grave threat. Yeah, be afraid. Give us money. I'm seriouszzzzzzzz...."


UPDATE! And as if to give us a curtain call, TPM hits another one out of the park by posting this one only seconds later:

HA! Man, does she look pissed or what! Contest in the comments for funniest quote line under this one! My attempt: "Didn't I tell you that if you kept whining, I was gonna make you go sit in the car? What did I tell you? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?"

Jesus Saves -- Warren Buffett Invests

Mr. Financial Wizard Warren Buffett has decided for some reason to put $5 billion into Goldman-Sachs, one of the chief players in this financial meltdown on Wall Street.

What does this mean? To me, it means THIS is how these assholes ought to bail themselves out of this mess. They're investment bankers--let them go out and get some investors to invest in them. Good luck with all that, of course, but obviously if Mr. Wizard is giving them money, he must be expecting to make a profit somewhere down the line.

So all you financial bigwig IAOD readers--scrape your billions together and invest! (*cricket chirping*)

Oh. Uh...

Well--at the least, let's hope Congress puts the kibosh on this whole deal. OR, to continue the theme of yesterday's post, that they ask for all of Dick Cheney's paperwork and all those "lost" White House emails on a platter or it's NO DEAL. Let's kill two thieving assholes with one stone, shall we?

Monday, September 22, 2008

A few words about this bailout crap

I want YOU to bail out all my rich pals!

I think anyone who's watched our government "work" for the last eight years could tell you that no matter what the dems or the economists or any other thinking person might say, this proposed $7billion-1trillion bailout of Wall St WILL go through. Every war funding bill (that's basically gone straight into Halliburton's or Blackwater's pockets, or up in smoke in Iraq), every other fucked-up bailout (that probably went straight into some corporate exec's pocket), and every freedom-shredding "anti-terror" bill has rammed right through Congress as though Chimpy and Darth Cheney had guns to the heads of our Congresspersons.

So you just KNOW it's gonna go through.

But let's think about this for a minute.

If Pelosi and Reid could FOR ONCE have some confidence and some caring about the people who elected them, they could attach provisions to this bill. REAL provisions that would re-regulate the corporatocracy, prevent this kind of rampant thievery from happening again, and maybe even benefit you and me--those of us who have to live with this recession that Chimpy and his greedy bloodsucking Wall St jerkoffs have left us with.

Matty Boy suggests attaching new revisions to bankruptcy laws, which is a great idea for many reasons. DCap discusses things from a homeowner's point of view, which brings to my mind the prospect of at least some of this bailout money going to all those Americans who've lost their homes thanks to these corporate assholes.

So let's take it a step farther. Think about it. If Pelosi and Reid have EVER been in a position to rack Chimpy's balls on something, this is it. We know this bill will pass, no matter what--there's no way in hell Chimpy could get away with vetoing it. So don't just give in, dems! Let's play some fucking hardball with these assholes! We could almost (almost!) put "abortion rights for all, forever!" on there, and--unless Bush wants to be in some huge fucking trouble with his rich-jerk pals--he couldn't veto the bailout without risking more bank failures. We could finally put Chimpy's nuts in a vice and squeeze like there's no tomorrow!
Looks lak it's time fer me to give another blowjob to Wall Street! Those guys never get tired!

So think big, Democrats. Not only can we make this stupid bailout work for us, but now is the time to start laying the groundwork for President Obama's first term. This bailout is going to handicap him even worse than he already is, right? He'll be so far in the budget hole (to the tune of $10 trillion and counting) that he'll be in China (almost literally). This trillion dollar bailout could be a death knell for any kind of serious reform that will benefit you and me. So let's put something meaningful in there, something that will prevent this shit from happening again--at least for the reasons it happened this time (aka greedy bloodsuckers running free with zero regulation).

What kinds of provisions and or financial reforms would you attach to this bailout?

Friday, September 19, 2008

A little less fuckery from the stats

Now that's a little more like it. One of the commenters to my last fuckery post (can you tell I'm trying to up my cussometer rating?) suggested that McFossil/Painful's bounce was oh-vah, and sure enough, it looks like it is. Let's hope this trend continues.

Obama's back in a comfy lead for electoral votes, but that popular vote stat makes me insane. I was looking today at some of Painful's environmental policies while she was playing Gov. Moose in Alaska, and let me tell you: this woman is a fucking PSYCHO:
In early 2007, Palin's administration approved an initiative to pay a $150 bounty to hunters who killed a wolf from an airplane in certain areas, hacked off the left foreleg, and brought in the appendage. Ruling that the Palin administration didn't have the authority to offer payments, a state judge quickly put a halt to them but not to the shooting of wolves from aircraft.

Psycho, I tell you! (Click on the link to read the whole article. If you feel like having nightmares, that is.)

Of course, there are plenty of explanations floating around about why the polls even give McFossil a chance -- mainly that the poll samples are skewed away from young (cellphone-owning) voters, etc.

Let's hope so. For the sake of our environment alone.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Lazy blogging, minus the Frenchwoman

I just took this quiz and found it kinda funny. It's rather short, so its accuracy is doubtful--but I'm okay with my result. Take the quiz here.

See beautiful Frenchwoman here, at the king of the lazy smokin' hawt girl blogging.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

What the fucking fuck is this?

Has anyone ever heard of the political projections site FiveThirtyEight? A friend turned me on to it, and already I'm wishing I hadn't followed the link.

Take a peek:
Now, to quote DCup, what kind of fuckery is this?

Is this country really going to elect McFossil and MooseAlaska? Are people really that fucking stupid?

Tell me it's all just bullshit or propaganda or something. Please.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Because I do whatever FranSheIs asks me to!

Here's an interesting "profile of an Obama voter" meme started by Jew gal Katie Schwartz. Fran asked me to answer the questions, and I did my best:

1) What is your name (nickname, whatever you're comfortable sharing), your age (range), gender, occupation, income bracket (range), how you identify (gay/straight/whatever)? Married/Single/Divorced? Kids (how many)?
My name is Delia. I’ve just turned 44, and I’m in a super-lower-level marketing position. My income is a pretty shitty low-30s. I’m gay, newly separated from my partner of six and a half years. She has a 12yo daughter that I consider my child as well.

2) What are the most important issues to you in this presidential election and why?
I’d say the big issues are ending the Iraq/Afghanistan occupations, fixing our circling-the-drain economy, and repealing the shit from the last eight years (ending tax cuts for wealthy, re-regulating business again as it used to be, bringing education back to the forefront in a meaningful way rather than bullshit testing, etc.).

3) Why do you think voters should vote for Obama/Biden, what differentiates this ticket from McCain/Palin?
I won’t say I’ve supported Obama since the beginning, because I didn’t. I liked Hillary Clinton and John Edwards. But Obama and Biden have the best chance of changing the things I mentioned in #2. McCain and Palin are merely empty greedy power-hungry freaks who just want to continue and intensify the theocracy/corporatocracy that Bush/Cheney put into place. Obama could pretty much sacrifice a goat on national TV and I’d STILL vote for him. Joe Biden’s a good guy.

4) If McCain/Palin wins this election, where do you see our country going in the next four years?
I’m guessing a McCain/Palin “victory” (there’s no way those idiots could win legitimately) would mean more of the same from the past eight years. I don’t know how many more big institutions can fail before we go Hooverville, but I feel strongly that we would because McCain would do nothing to address the tax cuts for the wealthy, ending the Iraq mess, or regulating business to get it back under control. I think that the corporate world would become even more bald-faced about their desire to steal all they can from their shareholders and then get out just before the whole thing goes belly up. Once that starts happening, and people en masse are put out of work, and gas goes up to ten dollars a gallon or more, we’ll pretty much be ripe for absolute anarchy. No other country would bother invading us because we’d just be a bunch of hungry mouths to feed, so I’m not worried about that. I’m just thinking the economy will collapse much as it did in the 1929 crash, and we’ll be in for a long hellish depression.

5) Economically, where do you think this country is today and how do you think Obama/Biden can make a positive impact?
I’m no economic genius, but even I know this country is in train-wreck mode. The corporatocracy is just about the point where the execs are going to pretty much just start out-right stealing and leaving, without bothering to hide it. Pols like McCain will make that inevitable. Obama/Biden are the only ones who might try to slow it down. The corporatocracy is firmly in charge and thus is immune in many ways, no matter who’s president. That’s obvious when CEOs trash companies then get paid hundreds of millions of dollars to just disappear. If Obama/Biden do nothing more than simply reinstate the regulations that Reagan et al. tore down, we’d already be better off.

6) In the past 8-years, how do you think this country has changed under the Bush regime? Have you been affected by these changes? If so, in what ways?
The scariest thing to me is how anti-education America has become. We are the American Idol culture, more concerned about stupid shit like Britney Spears and whether we can have a beer with the president than about science, economy, and the future we’re leaving for our children. I won’t even start on the government’s domestic spying and how easily they’ve gotten local police to do their dirty work for them. Makes martial law seem that much closer.

7) I have read that Palin is considered the new voice of feminism, which is offensive in my opinion. Of equal concern are her views on abortion and the removal of books from libraries. I'd like to know what you think about all of that and how you feel about McCain choosing Palin as a running mate. And what kind of message you think that sends to women?
Palin’s the anti-feminist, having taken power in a remote outreach of the country where wackos and separatists abound. Caribou Barbie can shoot a gun and sling insults like a pro, but she’s a tool of the patriarchy. She portrays herself as the “traditional mom” with a sarcastic edge—like an Eskimo version of Roseanne Barr. Trouble is, Roseanne never tried to be president. She never took herself too seriously, and her persona wasn’t a real person—so whatever parenting mistakes she made were fictional. Palin really IS the Roseanne character gone turbo, with drug-addicted and pregnant-teen kids. She has somehow escaped the holier-than-thou scrutiny of her party of freaks because she can talk tough, I guess. (Well, that, and the far right is a bunch of idiots.) The sad thing is that she thinks she actually deserves this spot on the ticket, and perhaps for that reason I have a tiny bit of pity for her. But only a tiny bit.

Thanks, Fran, and I'll gently tag --um--Jess Wundrun? DCap? And whoever else feels like they need a post idea. I'd love to hear PoP's thoughts on these questions, but I know she doesn't do teh memes.

Monday, September 15, 2008

"an alarming lapse in judgment"

Here's a link to an interesting piece on Moose Alaska. A tidbit:
...Sarah Palin, the friendly neighbor, is different from Sarah Palin, the executive.

The latter is a woman with intense agendas guided by a narrow set of culturally conservative values and extreme religious views. She believes that abstinence should be the primary form of sex education taught to teenagers; she believes that creationism should be taught alongside science in our schools; she is against a woman's right to choose even in the cases of incest and rape; and her church believes gay and lesbian Americans can and, one assumes, should be corrected, redeemed from their deviant ways, by prayer ("pray away the gay" is their cheery slogan).


Thursday, September 11, 2008

You know who I feel sorry for now?

What must it feel like to be Hillary Clinton now?

Think about it: she was this close to being the dem nominee for president. She put up with all kinds of fucking sexism and bullshit. Yes, her campaign was run by morons, but she was an inspiring candidate (unless you hate her, which is your choice). She was going to be the first woman to be nominated for the presidency, and perhaps could've been the first woman president.

Now, thanks to the rethugs' cynical moronic decision to put Moose Alaska/Half-Baked Alaska/Caribou Barbie/Barracuda/Freakshow Sarah Palin on the ticket with McFossil, SHE could be president. Fucking enemy of freedom, enemy of women, tool of the patriarchy Sarah Fucking Palin could be a heartbeat away from the presidency. And what did she do to deserve this (er...) honor?

Did she go to law school?
Did she work for women's causes?
Did she fight for women's rights?
Did she endure a fucking war on the campaign trail for over a year and a half?

Nope. She shot a moose, sucked the rethugs' dick (among others), completely sold her soul (if she had one) to greedy anti-environmental big-oil money-first bullshit and lies rethuglicanism, and BLAM -- like a shot to the flanks -- she's one more stolen election away from being the first woman VP and then President, once McFossil has the big one and kicks it during the first big crisis (or if they're out of steak sauce in the White House kitchen, or whatever).

Think what you will about Hillary Clinton. Hate her if you want, for whatever reasons you want. But if there's one woman in the world--one person in this fucked-up election--who deserves some pity, it's Hillary Clinton.

Hillary could've taken women's issues to the forefront and changed our futures and the futures of our daughters.

Palin would put us back into the Dark Ages.

And Hillary's watching all of it happen, right along with the rest of us, knowing that she had a chance to prevent the whole bullshitty thing from even happening.
Moments of silence.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

A question, based on spam emails, about men

Has anyone else noticed a decided rise in the number of spam emails in the inbox? I've noticed at work because we have this spam filter thingie that encapsulates all of them into a list, and you can check to delete them or "white-list" them (which I think means their future emails won't be blocked).

I get some pretty funny ones:
Does Dr. Monkey know about this?

and some really creepy ones:

But mostly, I get stuff like this:

So here's my question:

Do men REALLY think about their dick size this much?

I really want to know! Because I'll get ten or twenty blocked emails in a row about "sizing up" and "giving it to her deep" and "amazing your girlfriends with your huge package." Obviously, someone thinks men are completely obsessed with their penis size, but is it really true?

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

The one in which I win

As some of you may know, I've kinda been on bloggy-lite mode for a while now. But this morning, I wandered the intertubes over to one of my favorite fellow September girls, the very parenthetical CDP, and found this post!

Commenter of the week? And for what, you ask?

(Hey--when did Matty Boy's hypothetical question asker hijack my blog?)

So now I've got to come up with some t-shirts for us. Let's see...

Idea 1:
Front of shirt: FUCK YOU!
Back of shirt: Oops, sorry! Forgot to take my meds!

Idea 2:
Front of shirt: Why didn't I just stay home today, curled up in a ball?
Back of shirt: Oh yeah. Thanks, meds!

Feel free to suggest your own designs, kittens!

Friday, September 05, 2008

Scarier and scarier

Did I tell you guys about my FEMALE coworker who insisted that she'd never vote for a woman president because "women are too emotional!"? Yeah--despite her science degree and all her smarts, she's obviously a tool of the patriarchy, helping to keep men in power and women in the kitchen. Oh well.

So the other day, Faux News is on in the work cafeteria (of course). This same coworker says, "You know, I said I'd never vote for a woman, but this Palin lady is really great! She's tough and smart, and I like her!"

My head almost exploded.

So I said, "Um--she has no real experience. She knows nothing about global politics. She's anti-choice, pro-death penalty, pro-guns, and pro-big oil and big bidness. She's terrible!"

My coworker, who's a staunch repug: "Well, I like her. She is the thing that will save McCain's campaign!"

My head exploded.